Hate being asked "How are you doing today?"

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I can totally relate! I don't get the "how are you doing today" a lot, I suppose here in Norway it's more common to just say "hi" or "hello". But whenever I get the question, I answer "I'm doing fine", but I keep thinking I sound fake. If I'm really not fine, I can't fake it anyway. And if I'm abroad, in a shop and the person behind the till asks me "so how are you doing today?", I am totally taken aback because it feels like a very personal questions and I don't know this person! I lived in England a couple of years, where it's common to say "all right?" as way of greeting, and the proper response is to say "allright!". The first time someone said "all right" to me I started saying "I'm doing, fine, thanks, how are you?" and got a couple of funny looks and a laugh, but they brushed it off because I was foreign.

I've always hated this too. I was of a seriously old age the first time someone told me, like they were telling a child a new thing for the first time, "You're not actually supposed to give a real answer, ya know!" I was something like 35 when I was informed of this. Up until then I had actually been answering the truth. "A bit tired, and I'm having problems with my landlord." "Well, my weekend was horrible..." "I'm kind of okay, I'm glad it's not raining anymore."

It was a revelation to hear that I'm not supposed to be responding with anything other than "FINE thanks, and you?"

So I started adopting that, but I hate it because it's a FREAKING LIE!! ! It's a lie. It's a freaking lie MOST of the time for MOST people.

I also loathe the British greeting "All right?" It sounds to my ears as though they think something's wrong and they need to check. I cannot stand that greeting and I don't understand it or relate to it. It's like when you ask "How did your exam go?" And a Brit begins with "Yeah".....WTF? I didn't ask if it went well, requiring a yes or no response, I asked HOW it went, requiring actual details.

YES! Exactly that. After a while I must say the meaning of the phrase sort of vanished from my head, and it just became a sort of sound I made whenever I saw someone I knew.

I have no problem with this.
I just say how I am generally at that time, whether good, ok, busy, tired, sleepy, hungry, etc.

I never understood the British "(Are you) Alright?" (= "Hi!") business until I was around 40 years old. Prior to that I'd reply with a puzzled-sounding "What?" (which really threw the other person) or "Well, I suppose so..."

Now some telephone cold-callers begin their sales pitch with questions like "How are you today?" This, from someone I don't know and who's called me out of the blue, really puts me in a bit of a spin.

Yes. What a pointless question NTs have to ask, then be surprised that my answer is much longer than expected.

They themselves seem to like lying when answering this banal "greeting" as well.

Then again, when times are hard (like now, exam seasons), people run out of greetings fast, as everyone knows everyone else is busy as f**k and really don't want to here about it...

You should start talking at lenght about all the things that worry you and ask their advice, they'll never call you again! Haha.

I suppose the next question is to ask what we'd prefer instead. Apple's suggestion above tends not to go down too well with most Neurotypicals. It's a good way to not make friends.

Why can't people just begin with Hello/Good Morning/Good Afternoon, etc, then get straight on with the business in hand (if there is any)?

I've had this discussion. The problem is that the neurotypicals base their social interaction on "small talk". I suspect the "how are you?" question is the beginning of the small talk.

Sometimes it is but just as often it isn't. Like at a drive thru window, when they have two windows, one to pay at and the next one to get your food at - they're in a big hurry and also have a headset/microphone on their head, and are generally there to just take your money and give you change fast, yet they say "hi, how are you" and if you say "fine thanks, how are you?" while you hand them the money, by the time you get done asking, they're shoving your change back into your hand and taking the next order on the headset and ignoring you, or at best they just say "have a nice day".

There's no small talk intended or anything, it's just a sound they make at you that equates to "my boss says to appear friendly or I get fired".

In my language it is not a question that people ask - fortunately somebody took pity on me and explained that in English you are not supposed to answer anything meaningful. Now I'm back to dealing with people who ask that question in yet another language, but some of them want to know and some don't. This is too confusing.

When I try to say "Fine" or something similar, I feel like a pelican in the middle of swallowing a particularly large fish.

I always answer honestly, so people are often surprised when I reply.