"Friends" abusing autistics reported to be huge problem

Post Reply New Topic

I feel utterly taken advantage of and ripped off. I am the lowest paid person in my building and he chooses to come to me. He saw I was a sap and a nice person and I don't think he will pay me tomorrow. Tomorrow morning if he says he cannot pay me that day I am going to tell him I am going to my manager, not least at first he was trying to get it out of petty cash - which could have lost me my job.

What are your thoughts? I feel such a damn fool like I'm a target, a bloody moron.

I'm sorry this happened to you BenReilly. I would be fuming inside. You should definitely raise this issue with management, the guy seems to be a pathological liar (or have some other issue). Not really an ideal employee... Who knows what else he's going to try to take advantage of while he's there. If I were a manager I'd want to know that kind of thing so I can 'keep an eye on him'

--
Also wanted to say sometimes these kind of terrible things in the article occur because the autistic person is not aware they are being taken advantage of (social naïveté). But then I do wonder if HFA's are aware of some of the bad behaviour of their 'friends' and put up with it because we're so desperate to actually have a friend and have people like and accept us. I'm talking about lesser examples of bad friendship behaviour here - not the stuff that's in the article. Then again sometimes I AM the bad friend (not returning texts etc), because I'm unaware of certain conventions /unable to cope with so much interaction. Ok I'm rambling now... But friendship is complex

I don't see anything wrong with your thinking. You have made several valid points. You are correct to assert that many people simply either do not care about, or actually enjoy the fact that they are causing pain and humiliation to someone who is not well equipped to protect themselves. This is a serious problem that ultimately degrades the community that doesn't confront it and deal with it appropriately. Nor, in my opinion, are you in any way wrong in observing that we aren't getting this right. It's going to take continual work to do so, and we need to muster the will.

Where I differ from you, is in the assumption that we can know just from a pattern of unacceptable, antisocial acts, that a person is evil. I think we are better off learning the various causes of this behaviour, because prevention or attenuation can only be effected if the root cause is addressed. Thus, ignorant or desperate people can be enlightened, and sadists and psychopaths can be confronted and convinced to stop.

I have to say that I have fallen victim to this this week. This guy who has been temping at my work chose to come and see me on reception, seemed like he was friendly but he started to ask to borrow money. First he borrowed some from Petty Cash to get to a surgery he was seeing patients at, and this was signed off by the boss. Then he gave the money back and and then he did it again twice. On those other occasions the boss wasn't informed and the money was paid back a few days later. On one occasion I padded it out because it was 30 quid and I couldn't justify the company lending him that kind of transport costs. We got that back too.

On Monday night he said that his wife was coming to pick him up from work in the car and that she had had the red light come on saying she needed fuel. He had a long way to drive with her back home and said he hadn't got a bank card with him and she had left without her purse assuming he had money to refill. He wanted to borrow company funds. I said no way, he'd have to ask my boss because this was not a company expense. He pleaded with me and I insisted that if I lent him the money I'd need it back today. Well this morning I asked for it straight away he said he wouldn't have it till 2:30 that afternoon that the money would be put in his account by his wife then. Then he went off to work in the community at 2:30 at a surgery and he had KNOWN all day he would be doing that.

I feel utterly taken advantage of and ripped off. I am the lowest paid person in my building and he chooses to come to me. He saw I was a sap and a nice person and I don't think he will pay me tomorrow. Tomorrow morning if he says he cannot pay me that day I am going to tell him I am going to my manager, not least at first he was trying to get it out of petty cash - which could have lost me my job.

What are your thoughts? I feel such a damn fool like I'm a target, a bloody moron.

I was so desperate for friends I did let them treat me bad and let them pressure me into giving them some of my things and I also used to give other kids my things as a way to get them to play with me because I got that idea from my speech therapist who always handed out speech bucks for good behavior and you trade them in for prizes. I was all of a sudden very nice because I used my Happy Meal toys to buy play mates. But it didn't always work if they didn't want a "boy toy" I called it so therefore I couldn't buy someone to play with. I also got egged into doing things and I always would get upset if I was labeled as mean. I didn't know then this was all manipulation and did the teachers care? No. Instead if was always my fault. Hey I knew it was wrong but I was so desperate to be liked and accepted the adults didn't care but my mom understood but I was seen as being passive. But punishing me for being desperate to be liked and accepted sure didn't work. Instead I always saw myself as the victim. I did eventually learn that these are not your true friends and f**k them if they treat you this way, get rid of them. Maybe that was the adults attempt to teach me this but I had to learn from online by reading and when I was older instead of when I was only 12 or 11. Now I am immune to being called mean when I refuse to do something wrong or participate in some bullying or drama. I view t as them throwing a tantrum because they are not getting their way.