How do I handle my loneliness?

Post Reply New Topic

Alcohol increases the 'strength' of your current mood, it doesn't make you feel better.
If you are happy and drink alcohol, you get more happy; if you are angry, you get agressive; if you are sad, you become more sad.
Dont go down that route: i tried it and it wasn't pretty.

Have you tried finding a meetup with other autistics? most cities and larger towns have at least one; there you are amongst people that experience similar difficulties

I find myself annoying others without knowing it too--until they get pretty visibly irritated. I can be pretty obtuse to the signs that i am talking too much, giving too many details that no one cares about, etc. I try to curb this if i think about it--sometimes i still can be annoying.

Do you have anyone who would help you learn social skills? Can you watch other people and learn from their interactions? That is what i did--i didn't have anyone who really helped me. I had one friend who tried, but i think she didn't really see where my deficits were--just knew something was a bit off-- and i didn't have enough awareness of what i really needed to learn at the time.

I have gradually become more skilled at seeing what others respond well to, and what turns them off. It adds up to social interactions being exhausting--but also more successful. I have less tolerance for social events as i get older, but i am better at them than i used to be. I am more reserved than i was at your age too. That helps with not annoying people. If i talk less, they have less to get annoyed at. I also make an effort to smile more, which people respond to.

I have a few friends who are either aspies or have family with aspergers. They seem to be kindred spirits--even the ones who are not on the spectrum have patience with me since they are familiar with communication with an aspie. I recently started a new job and really like my boss. In conversation the other day, it came up that she has a son with OCD who still lives at home with her and her husband; and also a nephew with aspergers. No wonder we have common ground. There is also an older lady who works there who goes on endlessly about her special interests, unless you tell her "i have work i need to get done;" tends to speak in a monotone...in short, someone who i am sure is on the spectrum but as she is 70+ years old, i am sure she was never diagnosed. She is sweet and makes me smile.

I think, if you make conscious effort to work on social skills, it will help. Sometimes good people come along where you least expect it. I did not know what to expect when i started this job, but it is nice to be around like-minded folks.

I still struggle with loneliness some days, but the good days help me get through the bad ones. Coffee is good. A morning without coffee is a rough one for me.

Wine is good, too...but i would be careful with it. I am in agreement with Catlover and Izzeme. I have found it is a very successful way of self-medicating. But...self-medicating has a way of pulling you in. I like my wine too, but i limit my intake. IMO, if you are averaging more than a glass a night, and it is for medication rather than for enjoyment, then you are in dangerous territory.

Meetups? Nah. I live in a small city and there aren't any around. Plus if I went to such a meeting I would be confused and wouldn't know what to do, more so than in NT social situations. That's because in the latter I just have to stay low and not talk to anyone, but going to an autie meeting would mean having to socialize so I would be totally disoriented.

As soon as you start using alcohol to self medicate then you are on a slippery slope. I have also been there, slipped too far down and slowly clawed my way back out.

Something physical might be better, do you do any exercise? There are workouts you can do at home, without much cost. You could have a look at calisthenics, yoga, pilates, martial arts etc. The benefits are both physical and mental. Like Cberg, I'm a keen cyclist myself.

Tried exercise, hate it. I get all sweaty and tired.

That's the point.

I do feel slightly better after exercise, but it doesn't last long or make up for the lack of social contact.

You are forcing your body to produce that sense of euphoria rather than consuming it. Yes, it is a distraction technique to start with, if you are focusing on what you are doing enough, you can't concentrate on the negatives. It might give you a sense of achievement and ultimately something that you can pursue alone or you could meet others with similar interests, even if all you do is talk about your common interest.

I wish I could find a girl who likes me, because getting into a relationship would(temporarily) fix the loneliness problem without having me socialize too much. But I'm just a lonely desperate beta male so it's clear women want no business with me.

Do you have family?

Do they not relieve your sense of loneliness?

I do have them but I don't enjoy being around them. It just reminds me that I have no friends outside my family.

This has to be on of the worst things about being on the spectrum. The thing about friendships is, it's hard enough to make them even if you're not on the spectrum. It's even harder when you don't even know where to start socially. I have one friend, one person who pushed through my awkwardness, accidental rudeness, and all the other weird things about me and persisted in getting to know me. I was very lucky to meet this person, because people usually give up. It took me, from primary school, 17 years to find a friend. Now, I don't even see my friend much any more because he is at university; I really don't have the strength or the skills to find another friend, and I don't even want one.

My advice would be to find something where you can express the loneliness and make it into something beautiful; most of the worlds beauty comes from heartache, it's our job to use it to create. Also remember this quote: "Real loneliness is not necessarily limited to when you are alone." - Charles Bukowski

I know a girl who had a crush on me in high school. She is not particularly pretty but I'll try to reconnect with her on Facebook and ask her if she wants to cuddle.

What is that you want Kyle? Like really want.

Do you want to stop feeling lonely?

Do you want to have friends?

Do you want to have a girlfriend?

What's your end goal?

The drinks no good. I can't think so much what you can do if you live in a small area. Would you sign up with a volunteering group? Usually everyone is real nice and wants to talk to you in those situations but I didn't like having to do ice breakers etc.

Basically I wish I could have friends, but my brain is malwired and I can't. Like a person who is hungry but doesn't have teeth.
Yes, I do want a girlfriend but I'm not worthy of that. So it would be enough to find a girl who wants to cuddle with me(maybe even have sex, who knows). The one I mentioned, I don't want be in a relationship with her, but I'll ask her to cuddle with me. If she accepts, I might even ask her for casual sex later.