Why was this boy looking me up and down?

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Starfoxx
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19 Dec 2015, 3:40 pm

Torstin wrote:
Wolfram87 wrote:

You're getting all this from a boy looking at a girl...?



No, just reasoning behind vulgar behavior. A person who is not truly confident in their ability to court a mate relies on indirect methods such as cat calls and behavior that implies their interest rather than placing their pride at risk by being direct such as asking a gal out or complimenting her, smiling at her, or anything more appropriate.

This way they keep their ego intact (because remember, they are insecure about their abilities) and this places them in a position of power, so that if the female is responsive, then it is on his terms.

This is an attempt to court a female by controlling the situation and saving grace. Thing is, they don't realize that it's a psychological self defense mechanism.


Ah. I see. Thing is a girl is more likely to be nice if you respect her and just talk like you would a friend. :?



Starfoxx
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19 Dec 2015, 3:43 pm

Wolfram do u know wolfie?



Wolfram87
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19 Dec 2015, 3:45 pm

no.


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Starfoxx
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19 Dec 2015, 3:51 pm

Wolfram87 wrote:
no.


Lol.... okay



Spiderpig
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19 Dec 2015, 3:52 pm

I don't know how weird my concept of friendship may be---since I've never had a friend---but it involves having enough mutual trust that, if I found a friend sexually attractive, I'd tell her (yes, I'm afraid it'd have to be a "her"). If this offended her, I wouldn't be able to be honest enough with her to consider her a friend.


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Torstin
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19 Dec 2015, 5:05 pm

Yes, Starfoxx. I agree. It is because these men fear the outcome and the embarrassment that they do this method. It lies heavily in their insecurities not just in their ability, but deep down to their self worth. They themselves, possibly due to past experiences, do not have the confidence that a particular gal will respond in a positive way and fear the rejection.

Wolfram87, you have misread what I have wrote. I mean to say in some cases, perhaps not all, but especially in a vulgar (ie, cat calling, or being disrespectful) context, this is a most probable reason and logic behind the acts. At no point did I mean to imply that looking at her had anything to do with what I just explained. So, no I am not blowing anything out of proportion, but you mistook what I was saying and assumed that I meant it applied to this particular situation. It does not in my opinion.



Wolfram87
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19 Dec 2015, 5:17 pm

I'll say fair enough if you didn't mean it like that, but re-reading the thread, it is not I who misread. Starfoxx's comment: "I hate sleazyness. Why do people think it's okay to be that way" was referring directly to the situation described in the original post, and that is where you entered with your talk about "Insecurity, ego, power, and the desire for control."


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Torstin
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19 Dec 2015, 5:26 pm

Wolfram87 wrote:
I'll say fair enough if you didn't mean it like that, but re-reading the thread, it is not I who misread. Starfoxx's comment: "I hate sleazyness. Why do people think it's okay to be that way" was referring directly to the situation described in the original post, and that is where you entered with your talk about "Insecurity, ego, power, and the desire for control."



Oh boy, ok, last reply on this'n. So, what she said, to me, was a general statement. "I hate sleazyness." referring to sleezy behavior, not simply this particular time. Therefore, with that context I was responding to sleazy behavior of any kind. But, I am not concerned enough with semantics to argue or debate over this any further. If I was wrong, so be it. If not, so be it. I am hungry. I think I will get some food.



Wolfram87
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19 Dec 2015, 5:43 pm

In fairness, the post in question started by referencing back to the point I called her on with "I'm serious". But you're right, we're talking past eachother and the point isn't that interesting to begin with. You have a nice meal.


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CryingTears15
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19 Dec 2015, 7:49 pm

I have to say, yes, it makes some uncomfortable, but I think that goes along with being young. It's not like he raped me. :T If I didn't like it, I could just give him the finger.

This might not be a popular opinion anymore, but practically no one is and always has been and always will be PC 24/7. You have to be a little forgiving. They'll most likely grow out of it. :o



DestinedToBeAPotato
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20 Dec 2015, 11:04 am

Boys did that to me. But it wasn't because they were checking me out, it was done in way to belittle me and remind me that I was ugly. Where I am from when someone looks you up and down its to belittle you and question your worth.

And also if you're male OR female and you are leering at someone you deserve a good walloping for being a pervert. Don't be surprised of you get unsavory reactions, that's all I'm going to say.


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kraftiekortie
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20 Dec 2015, 11:12 am

If somebody acts sleazy to you, it's better to "give the finger" to that particular person than to cringe inside and assume that all people are that sleazy. Most people wouldn't dare do that; it's not part of their nature. They usually "check out" people in their minds only.

Checking out a person is one thing. A little wink is much better than many other things. Looking a person up and down is rather sleazy. It implies that the person being looked at is cattle or something.
I've done that before, and got deservedly berated for it.



RenaeK
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21 Dec 2015, 10:34 am

Yes he was checking you out but he was being disrespectful about it.

Respectful is when they notice you and look, but look away as soon as they see you have seen them looking, or they catch themselves looking too long and look away. When they are really obvious about it that is disrespectful. Next time say "what?" Or "yes?" In a sarcastic tone. If you put up with it and appear timid just because you don't know how to respond he is likely to continue to deliberately make you feel uncomfortable. I'm also assuming you're quite young with this and so is he, like late teens, early 20s at most. He should know better by now. Even if you are mid teens he should know better, or needs to learn.

Also you do not have to be dressed a certain way to get this attention, how you are dressed can increase it, but it can happen no matter what you are wearing.