existentialterror wrote:
After banging my head against the wall trying to make social connections and failing, I wonder if it is better to
A). Try continually to fight the astronomical odds against my finding a friend or partner - the rationale being that some studies have shown that having meaningful human connections is correlated with better health and a higher sense of well-being. (The worry implicit in all of this, is that I'm taking a significant risk and gamble on my long-term health by facing all of life's stressors alone... ) (I'm already prone to severe depression, which is tied very closely to my lack of relationships )
B). Do the opposite and give up trying to make connections - the rationale being that I will only get more increasingly frustrated in the long run.
C). Other ?
Please share your comments on which route you think is best, whether for yourself or others on the spectrum.... Thanks ! !
there is no set recipe for happiness. it all depends upon what you want and need with respect to your personality.
some people do not feel complete or whole unless they are in another person's company. they feel almost that if they are not seen, then they do not exist, or at least they do not matter. i do not have that type of personality.
some people feel that they are either bored or un-utilized when they are not contributing to their own kind in some way or another, whether it be simple communication or community assistance and advice. that is not like me.
some people feel that they are so valuable, that it is a crying shame that no one else rejoices in it. i do not share that feeling.
i personally feel quite comfortable and content on my own, and i have never felt lonely as far as i can remember.
at night when i am done doing as i please, i get up and stretch and wander off to bed and think in terms of "this aint too shabby a life" because i feel lucky i have all that i want at hand.
average people view me as a miserable and joyless character who is bitter and brusque, and they would not want to be how they think i am because they think i must feel like they would if they were in my situation.
but i see them as always chasing after something and never quite satisfied. they go to sleep with worries and fret and sulk over things that are part and parcel to their way of being.
they live in a state of anxiety but they think they are doing well except for whatever it is that they are upset about.
they have what they think i could never achieve, but they also have a less happy life fundamentally than i do.
nothing threatens my routine or my intentions because my only concern is the laws of physics (avoid falling over and hurting myself), whereas the concerns of the average people i know are quite outside of their control.
whatever.
it will not help you to think as i do if you are not as i am because my life would make you sad.
if you truly desire social integration and a girlfriend etc, then to suppress it with resignation will make you bitter and feel ripped off at the end of your life.
___________
as far as loneliness is concerned, it is interesting to think (in a similar vein maybe to what babybird was saying) that in a sense of scale, we are almost in the same place. as viewed from the vastness of our observed universe, a galaxy is the same size as a droplet of fog in a fog shrouded area the size of manhattan, each droplet being a galaxy.
we are in the same droplet.
that droplet when magnified is like football stadium full of fog with each of its constituent droplets being a star.
the size of the earth when viewed from a distance where the sun and alpha centauri (the nearest star) are both visible is indistinguishable.
and yet on this rock everyone that you could ever hope to meet lives. no one is more than 8,000 miles in a straight line away from each other (or if you want to travel on the surface, 12000 miles).
also, everyone is alive now. at this point in time. how long has time been going on for? at least 13.7 billion years.
what is the size of 100 years compared to 13.7 billion years? it is infinitesimally small, and yet we all are here right now. just imagine that you lived in a time where the last (other) human died 50,000 years ago? or in a time when the dinosaurs existed and knew that there would be no humans in existence for the next 60 millions years?
hmm...