Are you a narcissist?

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Narcissism is often developed to overcompensate for insecurity, though. The majority of narcissists are, at base, extremely insecure and have low self-esteem. They construct a narcissistic persona around their insecurities to bury them and mask them, sometimes to an extreme/pathological extent.

I don't personally see that as the case. I'm both insecure and low self esteem and I've yet to develop a narcissistic or abusive personality. My hate remains directed at myself. Seems like an urban myth that's been propagated. Narcissists that I've know tend to get constant positive reinforcement of their beliefs and lack critical thinking, which also rules out empathy, something that requires critical thinking.

I don't know about narcissism but I am fully capable of being a completely heartless bastard, who can become so entranced by something that the rest of the earth's inhabitants can appear to be merely obstacles put in place by some wretched creature.

This transpired last year when I said to myself, "I want to be physically fit". What followed was an unrelenting dedication to a workout program (aptly named "Insanity") for a period of 4 months. During this time I repeatedly looked at myself in the mirror; I had no interest in the feelings of others and was too self-absorbed to surmise that this pursuit of physical perfection was destined to backfire...which it did spectacularly.

I had become Patrick Bates for a short while.

Not everyone who is insecure will develop a narcissistic personality as a coping mechanism--I've had my issues with insecurity (like many, if not most, people) and always directed it at myself rather than projecting it out onto others. I think in fact that most people who struggle with insecurity do not become narcissistic--but most narcissists are underneath their narcissism profoundly insecure.

I certainly hope not. I sometimes worry if I am coming off as one or acting like one because of stuff I keep hearing when that word gets thrown around. I think people toss that term around not really knowing what it is. If you are too focused on your problems, you're a narcissist. If you do too many selfies, you're a narcissist. If you're a mommy blogger, you're a narcissist. Talking about yourself, narcissist. getting offended that someone got upset with your humor, narcissist. But then I hear everyone is one a little bit and it's called healthy narcissism but it becomes real narcissism when you take it too far. Everyone does something every there and here now and then like we all want attention, we all want to be appreciated for what we do, we need to be praised for how well we do something so we know it means a lot to someone and that they care. But narcissists take it too far where it's unhealthy. Not everyone agrees that everyone is a little bit narcissist so they think that is only said to make the real narcissists feel better. That is like saying everyone is a little bit autistic or OCD.

I fell for the common myth that narcissists have high self esteem and think highly of themselves so therefore my ex couldn't be narcissist because he had low self esteem. But then I started to read about it and found out that is just a stereotype that they all have too high of self esteem so they exaggerate and think too highly of themselves but it can actually be the opposite. Some have very low self esteem they actually exaggerate and make stuff up to make themselves feel better. I realized someone I used to talk to online may have been a narcissistic and she was heading there. She told me how she was going to start making stuff up to make herself better than everyone because it wasn't fair that others had it better than her. My ex had low self esteem he also acted very narcissistic about it. He didn't make stuff up of course but he felt the need to be negative about everything and put people down and me too and about my family because of his low self esteem. I discovered that narcissism was also a spectrum like autism is. Not one narcissist is the same. I do believe it can be overcome but it's rare for a narcissist to over come it unfortunately. Those who do are in the minority and exceptional.

^ I'll trust your opinion then since you've had a very direct close range relationship with one.

I agree with you in that I think of all the personality disorders, narcissistic personality disorder is one of the ones that is the hardest to treat because of the unlikelihood of those who suffer from it to seek help. People with obsessive personality disorder or borderline personality disorder, for example, are more likely to end up seeking some kind of psychological/therapeutic treatment for the issues in their lives than someone with narcissistic personality disorder, probably because an aspect of narcissism is the tendency to blame everyone else for their problems or mistakes rather than to take responsibility themselves. They are less likely to admit to any personal failures because that would expose their insecurity and vulnerability which might cause their inflated ego to collapse, which they desire to prevent at all costs.

This is why I think the OP probably isn't a narcissist. A narcissist thinks that they are right all of the time. They wouldn't wonder about their actions and question what they do. They would just insist that what they are doing is right and if anyone suggested otherwise they would twist it round to make it look like the other person has the problem.

I agree with that as well, that the OP is likely not a narcissist--if he were going to develop narcissistic personality disorder many of those traits (inability to take responsibility for one's own mistakes, inflated sense of self-importance, lack of self-awareness/inability to reflect on one's mental and emotional state with accuracy, etc.) would have already been pretty deeply ingrained by the late teenage years. It sounds like he sees himself and his own qualities and foibles pretty clearly, so I don't think he could be a full-blown narcissist. We can all have some mild narcissistic tendencies from time to time, but how he describes himself does not sound like a pathological narcissist to me.

I think I sort of am. It's complicated. Some days I only think about myself and talk about myself. I talk about my overly specific interests to people without talking about them. But other days I take an interest in the people I'm talking with. Too much interest. Then I end up asking them too many personal questions.

I think about myself a lot too. I used to love watching movies, love watching the characters go on adventures, love seeing their stories. Not anymore. Now it's all about me. I hate it. I hate seeing the characters in movies. They're always better than me, smarter than me.

On New Year's I went to the cinema and saw a film about some promiscuous teenagers. I hated it. Now I know why old people are so anti-sex. As the old saying goes, "If I'm not getting any, neither should anyone else". I hate college films because I can't go to college. I'm missed out on a good education... and college girls.

It's the same with people in real life. They all serve to remind me of my failure. Maybe the most successful people are examples of what we could be. But I think of them not as examples of what I could be but as examples of what I should be. Success isn't a bonus, it's expected. Other people expect it of me, don't they?

Or maybe it's just an ideal with no basis in reality. That's why I'm an unhappy little narcisist. Because in my mind I have a very high opinion of myself and in reality I fall far short of that opinion. I think narcissists envision themselves as perfect and when they fail to meet that ideal they become depressed. I always set high standards for myself and I always fail to meet them.

Some days it's not so bad. Some days I enjoy myself. Some days I think I'm a pretty cool guy. I don't think of my failures, real or imagined. I feel as though I can do anything. Some days I feel happy for no reason. It doesn't last. If I knew the reason, I could replicate the results and be happy more often. But I don't know the cause so I can't cause it.

I know It's irrational. I know I'm screwed up in the head. But even when I know something isn't true I can't stop believing it. I can't stop for a while but then it starts again. Am I mad? It's addictive. Mental masochism is addictive. I don't enjoy it. Yet I do.

True narcissism is not acting like you're better than everyone else, but truly believing that you are. I have known people who were on the spectrum that are narcissists, but what you're describing is not narcissism. Narcissism is an actual psychological state of believed superiority, not a set of egotistical mannerisms assumed by a low ego to try to raise one's ego.

Here's some more info about it:
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-cond ... N-20025568

I would say that what you're describing is acting narcissistic. Just sharing a bit about it, as I think narcissism is an often-misunderstood psychological state. As I said, I know a couple narcissists, and they can still be nice people (if they think it will benefit them at least ), but most people aren't familiar with what it really is. I saw a really good documentary talking to narcissists that described the disorder really well, but I can't remember where I saw it so can't share the link.

I once worked with someone who I believed to be a narcissist.

She wasn't a bad person but she was really difficult to get on with (and that's coming from someone with Aspergers), but people warmed to me easier than they would warm to her.

I always try and see past the facade though (that is one of my flaws).