What kind of coping measures have you learned?

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I'm pretty good at small talk, and the "Hi / Hi" greetings. I think of them as social grease--the system will run without them if necessary, but it's going to make some alarming noises.

I've come to realise that a small smile (as opposed to a big grin) is good when I'm not sure what reaction is expected--it can be read as amused, sympathetic, consoling or agreeing depending on what the other person expects to see. In the same vein, a good piece of advice I got was to look at someone's nose, rather than their eyes. It avoids giving the appearance of staring, but also, I don't appear to have lost interest.

I have learnt to second-guess myself. I can usually spot when I'm going into a harmful or obsessive train of thought, and stop it cold by thinking on something else. Equally, I can spot when my emotional stability is becoming wobbly, or my senses starting to become swamped, and take action to reduce that. As time has passed, this process is becoming more natural.

I'm not very good at general chit-chat, but I've learnt to sort of throw myself into social situations even if I'm terrified.

I've also gotten very good at surpressing the urge to count things, which results in some slight physical "ticks" but I've learnt to pass those off as normal things like stretching etc.

I used to do that, and still do to some extent, but since I have found a handful of people who I can open up to, I am sort of learning to "feel" again, but now I have some problems when I am away from them. Right now I tend to randomly gravitate back and forth from numbness to empathy, which is still hard to manage, but I guess it's better than being totally shut off.

I too have a large mental "database" of scripts which I will draw from during conversations. By doing so, I sort of become a "mimic" in that I will use the info in my mental archives to sort of blend in with the group I'm in. Thus I can usually appear to "belong" to just about any group for long enough to get my business taken care of, then slip away (and somtimes in and out) without much notice.

Learned helplessness.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness

My life is my life, and there is really nothing that I can about it.

I think most of them have internalized "the game" to the point where they know no other way. I learned "the game", much as someone might learn to play the piano... and with the same drawbacks.

Sooner or later, you grow weary of playing and want to go do something else, heh.

This is why my public life is always an endless rendition of "the game"... anyone may come and go, and it is in my best interests to keep playing. However, my private life is very much by invitation only, and there I generally don't bother.



For me, it depends. If the victim was honestly a helpless innocent, I will automatically feel outrage on their behalf. If the victim was just being stupid, my first reaction is a contemptuous "Darwin would be proud."

For example...

Baby locked in a car on a summer day, dies of heatstroke = outrage. The lil lacked the muscular control to get out.

Older child locked in a car on a summer day, dies of heatstroke = "Darwin would be proud." That kid was big enough and strong enough to open the door, but was apparently too stupid to bother.