Officially diagnosed. Now what ?

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Thanks for that post! That looks like a great roadmap that's very similar to what I've been thinking. Except I'm only a tiny bit of the way through Step 1

I did start seeing a therapist with experience with autism, even before I got diagnosed. In just a few weeks, it made a huge difference in my life. It really opened my eyes to a lot of behaviors/feelings/beliefs I had that were hurting me without any benefit, and I didn't even know it. Even though anxiety has been omnipresent in my life (I remember the first time I collapsed from anxiety I was maybe 6 years old), I literally didn't know I experienced it.

I had always been terrified of any sort of mental health treatment. I was pretty sure I had everyone fooled into thinking I was normal, but I was also afraid that someone who was trained would see through all that and have me locked up for being insane. It was such a relief to find out I could get help without spending the rest of my life in a straitjacket.

I can relate. I start my tests this coming week. The whole statement resonates with me.

Back when I was in school, I remember a few times being very shocked when I would get my report card and see what grade I got in a particular class. Sometimes it was higher than I expected, sometimes it was lower than I expected.

That one grade was never the sum of my education, though. It was really just what that one teacher thought of my performance at that particular moment time. Maybe the unexpected nature could be indicating some strength or weakness I hadn't known about.

But in the end, the purpose of education was never really about the grades, it was about the learning. The report card might be a useful signpost that could help guide my decisions, but in the end, it was the decisions that mattered, and not the report card.

Yes, I am going to get a therapist soon and start learning I have to find one that specializes, or at least is familiar with, ASD. Because the last one and I couldn't communicate effectively. She told me that I was just like everyone else, that I was assuming people thought I was weird but that I was wrong, and that she had many clients just like me. She didn't believe me when I told her how I just knew I was really different my whole life. That I could tell that I was putting people off. And we had so much trouble communicating.

When I told her I thought I had AS, she basically told me I was imagining things. When I told her I thought I had an auditory processing disorder, she sort of laughed and said I'm trying to label myself. Well guess what? The psychologist just suggested that I probably have an auditory processing disorder. Sometimes I really dislike medical professionals, because they make assumptions that I know nothing, and never realize how smart that I am.

So first step: find a therapist. Second step: maybe join an ASD group? Who knows. I'm still really confused and emotional.

Have you tried GRASP? http://grasp.org/

I can identify with your frustrations. Many of them aren't very good. Some are extraordinary. I've been fortunate to have someone extraordinary before. I am hoping that you can find someone like that.

I had a doctor one time (first hospitalization for suicide attempt) come in and play games with me. I requested someone come in and test my hearing because I had trouble discriminating the human voice. Idiot came in and started playing games with turning the head and talking. I could hear him, but couldn't understand him. Told hi that. Just gave me the "You're an idiot" glare and left. So, even the specialists can be boneheads.

But, the thing that really stood out in that visit is this: I had just attempted suicide. All sorts of crap falling down around me. And to a 'T', each and every person there said they couldn't believe that I was there. The people who were there the first week didn't have trouble believing it. But after that, they said I looked too 'together'. So, how deep does that mask go?

It is amazing how many times people with a piece of paper usually equate inferiority on a person who does not. It's like you can't be educated in their area if you haven't got that same piece of paper. I love it when they go so far as to equate inferiority on people with the paper, but from a different school.

But, I am rootin' fer yeh!! (as they say from where I'm from)

I think I had heard of GRASP, but didn't really know what it was.

Your doctor sounds like he was an idiot. Many of mine were. Arrogance, maybe?

I have the opposite problem, I think, in understanding speech. I have trouble distinguishing speech with background noise. So it's difficult to understand what's going on when watching tv or movies. I have difficulty understanding people on the phone, because of the poor sound quality, and also because there is often background noise. I can't look at someone when having a conversation, because I can't understand what the person is saying. I think that trying to concentrate on maintaining eye contact, interpret facial expressions, and respond appropriately takes up too much attention, so I don't have the required amount of mental focus necessary to process and understand speech. I also think that eye contact is too distracting and overwhelming. I can hear and understand conversations that other people are having if I am looking at their faces, though, so it's only when I am involved in a conversation that it matters. If I am the one talking in a conversation, I will also lose my train of thought if I look at the other person while talking.

It took me a long time to realize why I have so much trouble with eye contact. I had made the assumption that I was shy, but I also have poor eye contact with those I know well. I think the therapist also had made that assumption.

Eye contact got beat into me by my stepfather. What was funny about that is that instead of having good eye contact, I now have that intense stare instead. Have been told it's just not cool, too intense or just creepy.

But, when I am trying to conversate, I found I read lips a bit unconsciously. Doesn't help all the other things. It's also certain timbres of vocal quality that I can hear ok. And, some voices just really send me bouncing in my skull. Those would be what I call the 'trumpet like' voices.

But, your description would be the refined idea of what I had try to tell the doctor. I do have trouble with things in certain background noise situations. That's why I like older movies and TV shows. Back in the day, the dialogue was more important. Now, it's all a mishmash of input, each drowning out the other.

What also has hurt in that my hearing is decent. Not bad for my age. So, the idiots say "Well, your hearing is good, so you have no problem."

It is a bit of arrogance, but it's also a bit ignorance too. Most are just not helpful and assume you're either a hypochondriac, faking or psychosomatic. They just do not know of auditory processing issues.

And, my inability to get the really good words and ideas and phrases out of my head and into my mouth most times really hamper that.

Being able to hear and being able to actually correctly processs sounds are two different things. My hearing is also fine. Processing speech to understand it is specialized. I can hear what people are saying just fine, but it makes no sense to me. Just sounds like blah...blah...blah. Any kind of distraction can make speech unintelligible for me.

I'd say you need to see a speech-language pathologist or neurologist. Because it has nothing to do with your actual hearing.

Taking things one step at a time. The diagnosis is going to clean me out financially and will have to rely on insurance alone to cover things after that.

What's really weird with me is that sometimes, if conditions are right, speech will sound a bit 'fluttery' to me. Sorta like talking into a fan.

What's also weird is that in my head my speech is perfectly clear. But when I hear a recording, I sound 'mush mouthed' to me. No clear 's' sounds...a bit of the Sean Connery slur and nowhere near as crisp in diction. I know nobody likes he sound of their voice. But is that the same as what I described above?

And for some reason I grew up primarily in southern states in a deep sounding southern family. I am the only one without an accent. Non- Southern people say I have a slight one. Southerners say I sound like a yankee. So, how did that happen?

I also hate my voice, but I think it sounds abnormal. It's not just that I dislike it.

Welcome to the club! We don't have t-shirts yet, but the snack table is to your left.

Can I reserve mine in quadruple idiot size?

I'll skip the snack table....I'm a double dipper and that seems to just piss everybody off.......

Sure.

Ok, you sure? The chips are good.

Like I said, I'm a double dipper. No germ phobia here, but that's not most people......

Ah, ok.

Backpacked a lot while growing up. I learned real quick to pick it up and dust it/wash it off if it fell in the fire or the ground. Go a meal or two when walking all day with a pack up and down hills and mountains.....food takes on a different meaning then LOL