People don't believe

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Thank you so much. Yes, I sure did, and I will try and go on to the next steps after this as well. Will keep you posted. Thanks for all for commenting and reading I really appreciate what you all have said.

Deciding you may have a condition on the basis of your own research is self-diagnosing. It doesn't mean that your diagnosis is incorrect, but it isn't the same to others as being diagnosed by someone qualified, as you are neither an expert on the topic nor objective. You're only slightly more qualified than your friends and family that doubt you. How is this not self-diagnosis?


True, but whether one's behavior is a character flaw or caused by a medical condition, the idea that others must cooperate by helping one set of people and judging the other and it's all on the say-so of supposed experts or worse, just the person themselves, seems pretty suspect.


Why are people obligated to believe whatever you tell them about yourself? People do use medical conditions, real or imagined, as crutches and to insist that others must excuse them on this basis at times. Of course giving people the benefit of the doubt is generally the best approach, but I've seen too many people fake handicaps for sympathy and to get out of obligations to think it never happens, plus use their diagnosis as an excuse not to even try to improve. The rest of the world doesn't have to swallow whatever is dished out by someone who says they have a condition or disorder.
Not to say this is at all what anyone in this thread is doing or trying to do, but people sometimes become compassion-fatigued by all the demands for special treatment and become suspicious and annoyed at anything that seems like an excuse-in-the-making.


Maybe it should be done, but no, it doesn't really "have" to be.

Last edited by Adamantium on 18 Jan 2016, 2:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.: Fixed your quotes for you

With all that has been said, I will not address the question of Asperger's, autism or any of the other issues that other people have explored my better than I can. But I do want to share these things:
1) No good deed goes unpunished
a) While not addressing the overall issue, it does point, and lead credence, to the following

2) No matter what you do, some people will just not believe things, even if they see if for themselves
a) the inverse corollary is that those same people will usually believe the craziest codswallop out there at the drop of a hat

3) There are just some people that you will never make happy
a) Had a wonderful boss who told me one day that if the president of the company walked around and gave out $100 bills, some would complain that it was not in the right currency for their convenience.
i) while not the exact same as described above, I did witness people get things and still complain that it was not good enough
So, number one is the basis of the following two. No matter what, there will always be naysayers and those trying to take away from you the real accomplishments or real situations.

I would be careful about using the female autism traits that you found online to diagnose yourself with autism.
Those are not based on scientific data or clinical experience and made up by people with no qualifications in relevant fields of study.

I didn't tell anyone close to me but my wife when I first suspected I had AS. I read her the characteristics and she just nodded her head, smiled, and said, "Yeah, that explains a lot." Of course, this is from a woman whose pet name for me was "Martian." She's been very supportive ever since.

My psychiatrist and therapist were pretty dismissive, but i think a lot of it was that they hadn't dealt with many people with AS, especially with someone functioning well enough to have a job. Of course, they don't see what an absolute mess I am at dealing with bills, taxes, and shopping. I'm like the stereotypical absent-minded professor: good at one thing and completely worthless at anything else. The female with AS characteristics are different too--my psychiatrist became more convinced after I showed her some research on the differences.

In getting a referral, I found it helpful to list what I wanted to get with a diagnosis. In my case:
1. Workplace accommodations--mostly minor changes in procedure and explanation to my boss on what things are difficult for me.
2. Talk therapy that is more focused on AS issues
3. Therapy (occupational therapy?) to help with sensory overloads
4. Social skills therapy--classes? The psychologist recommended applied behavioral analysis but it sounds rather scary to me.

After diagnosis, I told a couple of friends + my family. The friends were nice and supportive but didn't know what to say. Most people don't know much about AS. The family believed me after I got them to read the list of characteristics, but then resisted talking about it afterwards. Mom read about a third of Tony Attwood and then gave it back. I think they might have felt bad that they didn't see it sooner, and didn't want to have to change how they see me.

Try not to worry about the family reactions--sometimes the people closest to us are the most resistant, and may take a while to come around.

One thing I didn't mention : autistic or Aspie traits tend to run in families. A few of my family members have some of these traits themselves, but they aren't severe, and they don't have enough of these traits to actually meet the criteria for an autism spectrum disorder.

So they are at the far, far end of the spectrum, not exactly typical NTs, but not Aspies either, and have been able to function normally. So they don't necessarily see or understand that some of the things I do or experience are abnormal, because they themselves have some of these behaviors or experiences, but to a much lesser extent than I do.

Best. Nickname. EVER!!

Okay...that's a doozy...Ain't it amazing what can be done with support?

First time I was hospitalized my ex-wife lied to my doctors about things to keep me in the hospital while she cleaned me out (literally took the last $300 out of the bank the day AFTER I got out of the hospital), didn't pay bills and left me about $25,000 in debt as well as leave the state to go to a place that she could not be held responsible. The lie was this: I went in for suicide attempt. But, that would only be about a week, two at most. But, she would call up and tell them that I was 'hooked on NyQuil' and had been drinking. I can't really drink due to it causing issues such as intense headaches or nauseous. My therapist once said it was as if I had my own built in Antabuse. Anyway, that kept me in for 28 days. House was trashed.....sigh....

Second time I got ignored (Please, for my birthday, no party, no visits...Just need a day off from people), put down (you're not a man if you don't do this), You're mean (Maybe I did come off that way as I am learning now, but wow...she definitely had her own issues because it was used when I just didn't want to do something with her). So, wound up in the hospital again.

So, THIS time, I am married to a foreign national who speaks broken English at best. No way does she have the educational foundation (yay Mao) to understand even with a translator on the computer). But, she sees me in distress. She is taking care of me and giving me space while this is worked out.

guess who ain't in the hospital!! !

Support is everything......

This is a matter of semantics but I define a person as a self diagnosed especially as it relates to autism if they are convinced they have the condition, not just suspect it. A person I would describe as a self diagnosed person might put AS in thier username, say "we" when referring to autistics. It does not have that overtly public, but the person would be making decisions based on thier belief they are autistic.

Further semantics but I can say a person should take the drug that will save thier life but they really have to take it. I do think getting the autism explanation is important enough that you do have to do it

That's a lot to wade through, but I take exception to the idea that nobody should have to make allowances. And, always being on the lookout or too vigilant for fakers can prevent people who need help to be denied. It's sum effect is marginalization for those that need the help or recognition.

So, let's take a look at the 'allowances' issue. For some reason nobody expects a person with a heart condition to be picking up things or doing heavy work. And the casting aspersions of 'so called experts' kinda points to a bit of either paranoia or a marginalization of the field of study.

I can tell you that NOT being properly diagnosed can lead to a lot of failures and wrong decisions. Had I understood my limitations, I would have made a lot of different decisions in the past. And that 'absent minded professor' thing is funny in a movie, but very frustrating in life. Especially when everybody looks at you like you're some sort of loser because 'you're too smart to do those things' or 'you're too old, you should know better' of any other number of things that just beat you down. And by finding the answer, I hope to make better decisions in the future.

So, when I found out about this, it answered my questions to a 't'. I am now officially being diagnosed. I am not a faker. I do not look to scam the system. Been working since I was 14.

One person's need for help does not obligate every person in a position to do so to help the person. If I come upon a person in need of help say getting his wheelchair over a curb, obviously I'm going to help him, even if it is a significant amount of effort to do so. But what if there is another person needing the same thing right after him and I'm getting later and later for some important thing I have to do, perhaps respond to a court summons, therefore risking arrest if I do not manage to appear on time? And then what if there is someone after that guy who seems able to walk okay, but still demands help? At some point, I'm going to have to attend to my own needs, no matter how legitimate the need for help is from the people trying to get over the curb.

I don't "have" to help anyone any more than they "have" to help me. What if I can't figure out how to fill out my own tax forms? Is a professional tax preparer obligated to do it for me? What if I can't drive? Are others therefore responsible for shuttling me wherever I wish to go, and they should have no real say in the matter? It is kind to make allowances and help people. It's a choice I approve of. But, it isn't a requirement of any sort.

Certainly people with heart conditions do do heavy work, even to the risk of their lives. Regardless of anyone's "expectations," but frequently because there is simply no one else stepping up to do the work. Similarly, people love to rant about how horrible it is when elderly people whose senses are compromised drive cars at risk to themselves or others, but few step up to provide rides to doctors, the grocery store, etc. and many places are not covered by public transportation. The need for help does not magically create a source of help.

When your friend or family member announces a medical condition, of course people feel obligated to help, but this is exactly why it is not in their interest to believe a situation that is not as obvious as not having legs or something. When my friend/roommate insists nerve damage prevents him from using his arms, yet I see him use his arms for things he likes doing and the "problem" comes up only when there is unpleasant labor to do, I'm not happy to take over his share. When I've dealt with someone else's absent-mindedness repeatedly and now they announce they have a neurological condition, I'm picturing all the other stuff I will now have to do for them while they whip out their special pass at the slightest complaint. I have my own problems, I can't take over everyone else's while they don't even try to help themselves because now they have some kind of condition that has convinced them that their limitations are now automatically everyone else's problem too.

One person's need for help does not obligate every person in a position to do so to help the person. If I come upon a person in need of help say getting his wheelchair over a curb, obviously I'm going to help him, even if it is a significant amount of effort to do so. But what if there is another person needing the same thing right after him and I'm getting later and later for some important thing I have to do, perhaps respond to a court summons, therefore risking arrest if I do not manage to appear on time? And then what if there is someone after that guy who seems able to walk okay, but still demands help? At some point, I'm going to have to attend to my own needs, no matter how legitimate the need for help is from the people trying to get over the curb.

I don't "have" to help anyone any more than they "have" to help me. What if I can't figure out how to fill out my own tax forms? Is a professional tax preparer obligated to do it for me? What if I can't drive? Are others therefore responsible for shuttling me wherever I wish to go, and they should have no real say in the matter? It is kind to make allowances and help people. It's a choice I approve of. But, it isn't a requirement of any sort.

Certainly people with heart conditions do do heavy work, even to the risk of their lives. Regardless of anyone's "expectations," but frequently because there is simply no one else stepping up to do the work. Similarly, people love to rant about how horrible it is when elderly people whose senses are compromised drive cars at risk to themselves or others, but few step up to provide rides to doctors, the grocery store, etc. and many places are not covered by public transportation. The need for help does not magically create a source of help.

When your friend or family member announces a medical condition, of course people feel obligated to help, but this is exactly why it is not in their interest to believe a situation that is not as obvious as not having legs or something. When my friend/roommate insists nerve damage prevents him from using his arms, yet I see him use his arms for things he likes doing and the "problem" comes up only when there is unpleasant labor to do, I'm not happy to take over his share. When I've dealt with someone else's absent-mindedness repeatedly and now they announce they have a neurological condition, I'm picturing all the other stuff I will now have to do for them while they whip out their special pass at the slightest complaint. I have my own problems, I can't take over everyone else's while they don't even try to help themselves because now they have some kind of condition that has convinced them that their limitations are now automatically everyone else's problem too.

That's a lot of stuff to say you just done't to be helpful.

That's fine. Nobody said that you or anybody else had to do anything.

But, when people do make allowances for you, and I think there are a lot of them doing so and you either won't see it or can't, you should try to recognize it.

You can be as big an ass you want with the justifications "I shouldn't have to..."

And you completely missed the point about the heart issue. Whether they have to or not do the work is irrelevant. It's that people will accept that, but not the 'hidden issues' or 'hidden disabilities'.

And, yeah, you do have to make allowances because quite frankly, that's what idiots didn't do before people made them put in wheelchair ramps and other accommodations.

Nobody says you have to feel 'obligated to do anything'. But you do live in a world that a lot of allowances are being made every day. You just don't know it because you haven't experienced the other side. In the past you could have very well ended up institutionalized. Or in France, you could have been subjected to 'Packing'. Didn't know about that one myself until yesterday.
What I read is a lot of Ayn Rand crap justifying your desire to not interact except on your terms.

I enjoy helping people very much, and it is definitely one of the most rewarding parts of my life.
People pretty much never make allowances for me, which is fine I guess, since I don't really need much by way of allowances. I don't know what "other side" you think I haven't experienced and there is no past during which there would have been any call to institutionalize me, but even if there were, what's your point?

Since the heart is located inside the body, a heart problem is actually not readily apparent at all, so when you hear people talking about "hidden disabilities," it is exactly the kind they mean. When a person with a heart condition legally parks in a handicapped space, they are not perceived as needing to park closer. When they ask to be excused from heavy lifting at work, they may be met with doubt and demand for proof. When family and friends want their help with physical labor and they cite their heart condition, not everyone accepts that it excuses them.