That whole "tone" thing

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I love detail in any type of communication and use to assume that everyone else did, too. I was wrong.

Work related emails for example:
Mine get to the point without pleasantries and adulations. Individual details and points numbered or bulleted. Examples are given or imagery attached when clarification is needed. I leave little to nothing for interpretation. My responses to emails that contain multiple subjects and points are usually broken down and addressed one at a time (i.e. fisking)

Because of that I have been told that my emails are caustic, condescending, or cold. I’ve been told, for one example, that I should just leave out details and let the recipients figure things out by their own “common sense”. My response is that if I send an email that goes to five people and leave it up to all of them to arrive at the same conclusion then the potential exists for five different conclusions. At leas some will invariably arrive at different conclusions so why not just be crystal clear in the first place?

I am not alone in this and others with all their sh!t in one boot feel the same. We are a small (by comparison) aerospace and defense contractor that for almost the past year has been losing money faster than we are making it.

One of our biggest problems is, you guessed it; comm-un-i-cat-ion. It is especially bad between and from management. Emails and verbal instruction (using the term loosely ) from my manager are a puzzle since he only tells us half of it and it’s on us to figure it out, or even realize that it’s something we need to figure out. He gets kind of pissy if anyone asks for clarification. Things don’t get done and/or people unknowingly do the wrong things because of his lack of effective communication. Of course, when layoffs come around it’s not him that gets the slip since managers are infallible.

Lucky for me I’m on night shift (for now) so I don’t have to deal with most of the bozos but I still have to deal with them on shift changeover and email. Bozos do not like night shift since it puts them out of the limelight and all the little social circles they so love and depend on to stoke their egos. I could write chapter after chapter on my experiences in dealing with idiots at work alone.

I would take this very seriously if it has been brought up at work. I would act immediately. The short answer to your ADA question is no. I have heard people argue this point at work before. I have never heard of anyone invoking ADA rights on tone and being accommodated.

This is what I recommend:

Find something online that you think is a good example of how you do not understand the tone of another person's conversation. Here's an example:



If that wouldn't work, maybe you could find something else that they might understand. You want to show one person in their own little world and the other person not getting it.

I would ask your boss if you could have a meeting and lay all this down to him or her. Then I would ask if it is okay for either the boss or you to give the same explanation to whoever you are having the misunderstanding with. If the person you are having the misunderstanding with is someone you think is out to get you, then I would also send this stuff to HR.

I would explain the tone misunderstanding to your boss first, in any case. You need this person on your side.

@socofautism. I'm not sure I understand the nature of your internet meme offensive.

The fact is that if you demonstrate higher levels of intelligence people will not like you.

They'll feel puzzled and belittled and they won't want to keep you in their social calendar period.

Every ASD person should be made very aware of this rule but they aren't because nts are so interested in their own self image.

What is this ASDs are better than NTs; we're all so smart and they're all idiits ?
There are some *extremely* intelligent nts and there are some *extremely* intelligent nts. Similarly, some humans on both spectrums are also not very bright.

The original issue, as soc said, no, it is very unlikely that you'd get an ADA pass on this issue.

One problem is that it is always hard to tell tone from text, so anything you say is open to some interpretation. However, some things are commonly interpreted one way over the other. For instance, in an initial email conversation, the lack of any greeting, can be interpreted as curt - the same as it would if you walked up to someone and just announced what you want.

If you want to post some examples of what you wrote that they say needs modification, that may provide some insight of how your words may be interpreted (though it's not how you intended). Otherwise, as soc suggested, sitting down with your supervisor to get suggestions, though not ideal, would be a good idea.

It is not necessarily that you are intelligent or have a better vocabularly than other people.

Its just that if you "demonstrate" a high level of intelligence you will have problems.

NTs don't demonstrate their intelligence at certain times. In fact NTs are more proficient at language because they understand under what kind of social cirumstances they should use longer words and details.

My boss who has SEVERE ADHD has real issues with writing anything that doesn't sound like a final notice bill collection letter.

He WAY over explains, uses bold/italic font when he shouldn't, and the whole tone is just flat out hateful.

Now he thinks he is being very careful by crossing all the "t"s and dotting the "i"s, and has no clue how these emails come across. He has had advertisers quit because they were angry at the tone of the email.

I dread seeing his emails because it will be all bold print/italics/misuse of caps and my blood pressure will jump a 100 points. So I gotta call him and weed whack the mess.

The ADA will not save you, this friend/boss lost his last job because of this very reason. People didn't want to deal with him, and went over his manager's head to complain.

Like the PP wrote, this isn't a joke. If you don't have tenture, I would set up a meeting ASAP with the department head to hammer the issues out.

It's the first warning shot across the bow. Someone is really unhappy with you.

Good luck!

Without a sample of the writing in question, it's impossible to say, but tone is important, and it's not unreasonable for a workplace to demand that certain standards be adhered to.

It's not that NT's are smarter or not, it's that they know when to hide it and when to flaunt it. If you don't do that or do it poorly then problems can ensue.