How can I prepare myself for a miserable sexless lonely life

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Personally, I would rather have a degree and a job than have a healthy sex life. But alas, I have neither, which must make me the world's biggest loser if we are to believe the OP.

By not being miserable.

This. All of this.

I'm an Aspie. My daughter is too. As are my parents (based on a lifetime of observation). As was my Grandmother on one side (not diagnosed either but she died in the 1990's; various relatives including one that is a therapist agree). My spouse is not diagnosed but is far more autistic-acting than I am (they refuse to find out). So not only do AS/ASD people find love and reproduce, we ensure autism is perpetuated. But that's okay. Who else to better understand an autistic child (or two) than an autistic parent (or two)?

The weather was amazing this past weekend; warm spring-like days. We had ongoing outside obligations, too. But do you know what my spouse, oldest child and I did for two days straight? That's right, we leveled up our daughter's character in LOTRO by doing some sort of group-quest thingies. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT PATHETIC AUTISTIC PEOPLE LIKE US DO - AND IT MAKES US HAPPY. I'm not into video games like they are, but it really was fun and satisfying (my job was to make armor, heal them as they fought and provide lunch & snacks & drinks IRL).

Not everyone *needs* to be whatever fits the current definition of socially successful. And some think they do (raises hand) but they learn over time that it can be a really bad, hurtful fit if you are a square peg after all. Life is too short, you know?

Come to the dark side, @dmack18...we have the most awesome cookies because: a) we're OCD and always get the recipe right, b) we stayed home and baked instead of partied in our 20's and c) they have a perfectly uniform texture because we have sensory issues. Also, the milk is cold.

Last edited by Edenthiel on 29 Feb 2016, 11:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

it seems to me that a healthy sex life and success in every other area of life tend to go together, if one is missing one, then chances are they are missing the other as well.

There is a distinct division on WP between a minority (often young males in their 20s, it seems) who post as if autism is the entirety who they are and all they can ever (not) be, and a large majority who see autism as a distinct aspect of who they are, but not a total description of themselves and their possibilities.

I understand the bleak episodes of despair that bias perception, periods when hopelessness takes over. It's hard to keep a balance in that situation until it passes. Depression sucks, misery understandably loves company, and posts like the OP's express that kind of despair. I think the great value of WP is that it offers a community of inclusion even to the most isolated and despairing.

OP: this thread would probably have been better suited to The Haven. If you would like more support I can move it there if you wish.

During 1977-1979 my last two years if college I had many friends and went out with them plenty. I had a good career going and other things going decently during the 1980's (age 23-33) and somewhat into the 90's. I did not stay at home, I went outside, even went to clubs to see some of the New Wave/Alternative bands I was into. I was pretty happy. I had no sex with the exception of with myself.

Contrast that to the twenty years prior to that, bullying, exclusion, preforming in school way below what was expected, hell even bieng kicked out of my school after 2nd grade (that was legal then). Every day especially school days seemed like a month. Always staring at the clock counting the minutes to the end of the day, days until the next vacation.

This is why I have a different view then most older autistics and am happy I was not disgnosed young. Bieng told you have a lifelong condition that young and today you have possibly 25-40 hours a week of ABA telling you your natural behavoir is wrong and because of the internet autism can became a 24/7 obsession.

I am glad you got to have a good taste of some success in your life. can you tell me why they kicked you out in second grade?

Yes, me too APOM; and if ABA is truly such a marvellous, now-benevolent therapy for behavioural issues, then why is it reserved and directed only at autistic children? (The question is rhetorical, I know the answer and it's not becoming to these 'professional behaviour modificators').

It's really pretty simple. As was stated above, the world isn't going to change to accomodate disabled people. Disabled people have to do their best to adapt. Period.

It's the same with my deaf friends. The rest of the world isn't going to learn sign language in order to communicate with them. Instead, they have to wear hearing aids and learn to lip read in order to communicate with the hearing world. Similarly, autistics have to do whatever works for them in order to fit into the social world as best as possible.

The fastest way to the bottom of the pit is to just jump

one can conform, or become a hermit.

Yes, this. Because how you do anything is how you do everything. I've lived both over the past few years. ~3+ years ago when my ASD symptoms were at their worst I had.. success-deficiencies in virtually every area of my life. Fast forward to today and my treatment protocol keeps ASD in check, I'm healthier, wealthier, get laid when I feel like it, have an education (granted, I had that pre-self diagnosis) and a job and am working towards other goals in life. Once you "click" and get on track everything just sort of starts falling into place where it ought to be. I used to lag behind my peers by a decade or so & now I'm about to lap some of them.

The world has changed, though. Maybe you've missed all those blue signs in front of the parking spaces nearest the store, but the ADA gets mentioned here on WP now and then. Could be that I live in a really progressive part of the world now, but I can still remember when people who were deaf, had Down Syndrome, were in a wheelchair or Autism were all treated the same. As shameful sub-humans who were further from the Grace of God because they were 'less perfect'. And no, that's not hyperbole. My folks lived in a world where that was actual church teachings and anyone with a disability or perceivable difference was simply kept out of public view, lest they reflect poorly on the entire family. LGBTQ people on the other hand, were clearly choosing to live a sinful lifestyle. Oh wait; some people still believe that...

In many parts of the world we've actually come a long way in the last handful of decades.

It is what it is dude, it's considered a disability for a reason. I would probably not be so insulting towards other people in similar situations, it won't get you anywhere and will only make you that much more alone and isolated. I get it where you are coming from, it's a struggle man but the alternative is what? Dying? Maybe there is something in me, maybe because I wasn't really raised in a religion but was a taught that just must makes me afraid at the thought. I mean that's natural, I think animalistic even, but if this our one 1 shot at existence and consciousness then the idea of ending it prematurely just makes no sense at all no matter the problem. Now I've been to some dark places and had some unpleasant thoughts, my self esteem isn't great or even good but projecting the self-hatred is not a good idea and won't win much sympathy.

I'm simple person I guess when it comes down to it, I do not want much and I think as unhappy as I am in life at this point I don't think it would take much to turn it around because like I said I don't want much so any reason is as good as anything. Maybe that's optimistic I dunno, it's odd feeling because as pessimistic as I am I've always have had it in my head that I'm just few moves away from everything going my way. Of course, that hasn't happened but it's just a feeling inside.

The memories are faded and mostly from my aging mom but it had nothing to do with me bieng violent but the school not bieng able to get through to me. That would make sense that a school would not know what they were dealing with in 1965. Lucky I was not institutionalized as was common then otherwise I would not be alive or if I did survive no shape to post on WP. A private school accepted me and I returned to public school for fifth grade and to bullying. There is no memory of what if anything I was diagnosed with but I am glad it was not autism because that was the peak of the refrigerator mother era. Back then any conclusion by an authority be it the police, a teacher, or a psychiatrist was rarely challanged.