Do you have meltdowns?How bad?

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I do get very loud and emotional meltdowns, which I try my very best to avoid, usually without successes. Extreme emotional states (particularly meltdowns) cause me intense migraines that can last for hours. No fun at all. There are other issues mixed in that complicate things. As my wife would say, no fun at all.

The worst one I've ever had was yelling at my mother, in public, this year, over stuff my step-dad kept doing throughout the day (becoming angry at me over trivial things when my mum wasn't).

She only thought I was over-reacting but I kept trying to tell her I didn't like the way he was speaking to me, as the last thing he did was speak in what I interpreted as a patronizing and condescending manner. He was extremely angry at me that I made Mum get my order of food from Mcdonald's, but the thing is I can't visually understand the menus when I don't know what I want, and I helped Mum anyway by getting my little brother's food from the other nearby restaurant while I got mine - if she didn't get mine, she would have had to have gotten his anyway.

It escalated and I yelled 'and I DON'T LIKE BEING SPOKEN TO THAT WAY' about my step-dad.

My Mum made sure that I know I could have risked the police being called on me for yelling at her like that, as a man, yelling at a woman in public.

I did apologize in the end, but what pisses me off the most is the situation was never rectified.

My step-dad is, simply put, an as*hole, who does not understand my Asperger's or anxiety whatsoever, and has made no effort to do so in the 5-6 odd years they've been together.

This has not been the only issue and the vast majority of problems this family have are due to him, but my mother doesn't see this. I have to respect her choices but I and the rest of the family are in agreement that we don't like his behavior. He's been the cause of many a problems.

I tried to convince my mother his personality is too aggressive so sometimes even if he doesn't mean to come across as angry or spiteful, he usually does to me, and this is what causes my anger to build up throughout a day, but Mum didn't do anything to talk to him about it.

I actually want him to change the way he treats me, as he does NOT have respect or consideration for my condition.

The experience has traumatized me with guilt. Mum was disappointed on the night but is over it now, but I don't think I ever will be. I yelled at my mother in public and caused her so much distress. It would have been even worse if I was arrested. Lucky I'm still a minor...for the time being...

Every single day I disengage and withdraw from the world, but I don't know if this can be classified as a "meltdown". This could be nothing more than the result of a consistently highly level of anxiety or it could be a reaction to something sensory. My psychiatrist recently compared me to Clint Eastwood as I seldom exhibit much emotion.

My meltdowns are loud, language skills go down the drain, so the language is raw and can be offensive. Nobody around me to help turn the situation in a proactive manner. So, it runs its course and then I leave the premises. Usually leave by storming off. Anything to get away from people and things.

I don't like them as they are getting to be worse and more frequent. That's why I was able to put patterns together and realize it's not just 'getting angry'. Stressful situations, the type of things that overwhelm me. For instance, in the home, it's inconsistencies. Those things that seem to not bother people, but drive me bonkers. That old stupid thing:
"Where is my model I am looking for?"
"I don't know, I haven't been in there."
"No, this has been moved. Where is the car model?"
"I no see car model."
"How did you not see a car model if you haven't been in here?" (This is when it starts to go balongas on me.)
"Well, I water plant. I no see you model."
"Wait, you said you weren't in here. Why did you lie to me?"
"I no lie..."

That sort of thing. That actually happened and, there was a lot more after that because it just kept mounting with the obfuscations. But, that was the trigger that day. Inconsistencies drive me nutso.

What I don't understand though, is that to me it was a series of blatant lies, so what the hell. Caught each one and each one made it worse. then the thing that sent me over the top was this one:
"Why I lie to you? This so small."
"You did lie, that's the point. If you lie about small things, you will lie about anything. Not just to cover your ass on big things. Anything."

Then when I try to tell people (Not the shrinks) about how this affects me and why, they all look at me as if I'm stupid and say, "That so not important. Why you worry that?"

"BECAUSE IT'S LIES!! !! !"

Am I crazy about this? I can't deal with the inconsistencies anymore.

But, inconsistencies are a major trigger, and is not proportionate to the severity of the lies. They're lies to me and I can't seem to see it any other way. All lies are lies to me.

Sometimes I get overwhelmed with emotions and get a meltdown. I cry, and all I want to do is be alone, and I usually am in a very negative state of mind when that happens. Sometimes I can feel one coming on and can hold it back by avoiding whatever is causing it, or just really trying to control myself. I've never had a violent meltdown though, still though I really don't like it when other people see.

I notice really seemingly small things sometimes push me into a meltdown though, if there is already a lot of emotional stress/buildup about something, especially when it's related to the trigger.

Yes, I have meltdowns. I yell and cry and self-harm, but don't hurt other people.

I had a therapist that explained it this way:
A meltdown is where you get bigger than your own skin by being loud, moving things and affecting your environment and people around you. A shutdown is where you get smaller, implode instead of explode and from the outside appear to go somewhat inert.

Wow...so concise. So true....
Then, I would have to say that I will do one of the following:
1) Shut down (Most times response to keep from engaging in situation and overloading)
2) If can't shut down stimuli keep building until meltdown occurs
3) If shut down does not work, Meltdown
4) Go straight to meltdown if hit too hard, too consistently with external stimuli

I did not know that part of the meltdown was the affecting your environment. I know I do that but, is there a mechanism behind that?

Inside, it just feels like everything is just exploding out of me all at once.

Ill restructure my previous statement, i frequently have shutdowns, meltdowns were shops as a kid, but def shutdowns now.

Im glad you guys posted because im glad its not just me that be fu**ing up. Meltdowns suck i feel like people wont take me seriously if i lose my s**t too much. If they see you like that they forget about the good things about you and just think oh shes crazy or something.

Sadly, that is the way of the world. There is an old saying:
"No matter how many 'atta-boys' you have, it only takes one 'awshit' to wipe them all out."

Edit:

Think of the flipside....Having a meltdown and walking off a job. I've done that. How's THAT for building a reputation?

VERY true--it always seems like my mistakes have a much bigger impact on my self esteem than my successes. If someone at work praises me, I'll think, "A kudo! How nice!" If I get criticized at work, I go around in a deep depression for days.

I quit in a mini-meltdown once. I forget what the exact problem was, but I was working at a cafeteria, which was hell on my senses and emotional states (heat, smells, steam, noise of glass, metal, and ceramic clashing together, dealing with bratty college kids). Somehow a co-worker took a disliking to me, and I finally yelled at her and stalked off.

I wasn't sure what option to vote for. My meltdowns can get pretty violent, and I do self-harm, temporary mutism, and occasional property damage, but my wife has tried to restrain me only once, so I don't know if it's generally possible. She was able to get me to calm down by wrapping her arms around me and squeezing, which I guess worked like Temple Grandin's hugging machine--my muscles all relaxed. I used to throw things at other children when I was little, and I threw something at my wife the first year we were together, but haven't tried to hurt anyone since. The wife basically told me I'd better not throw anything at her again if I wanted her to stick around. Message received! Usually I'm the one that I hurt--punching my head, scratching my arms or legs, punching furniture, screaming. I'd never known that this was an "autism thing" until I came on these forums.

I used to be very violent as a kid for this reason. Usually in response to bullying (which was constant and kind of daily)

As a female though, this was heavily looked down upon so I think I channeled my metldowns into something very different I have "shut downs" where I become unresponsive, and if it is really bad I just disassociate and can't remember what happened or what I did- complete blank memory- it's not very safe if this was in public.
I don't have meltdowns anymore really.
However, I also go to extreme lengths to avoid meltdowns in particular public ones- it involves a great deal of cutting off from people especially my family. They are the biggest source of my meltdowns.
After that I would say just plain old sensory input too much noise in particular- I really hate noise....
However the shut downs are very very frequent.... mostly from trying to appear calm and unphased by things that "aren't supposed to bother me"
like the lights at work or the type of light from the computer screen or the radio playing in the background stuff like that... the sound of the building or the paper shredder in the next room the door opening.... the feel of the seat I'm sitting in all that stuff lol.

Honestly, no one can outdo me.

Yeah, for many of us our meltdowns as a kid were violent. But we're a kid - we grow out of it.

I feel no one here's actually yelled at their mother in public, risked public arrest and committed a crime - verbal assault.

I know to never do that again. I still feel like a monster over it.

My meltdowns,espicaly prior to diagnosis, were right inline with zombiebride's meltdowns. Thru help with my therapist and the woman I am in a relationship with not enabling me like she was, those massive meltdowns are very rare now. But they were scary before, both for her and me.

Did not commit a crime, but have had a public meltdown. In a hotel, in the lobby, yelling and cursing my wife out, taking things out of the luggage and just dropping them because I was out of control.

I have said it before, I am afraid of this because they are getting bad and less stimuli to trigger them. And, if I was in the wrong place, I could have been arrested or put on a no fly list or any number of other problems.