An Open Letter to the Depressed Aspergians

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First, thanks to the original poster. Great message. A message which needs to be repeated, unfortunately, and is not "boring" as some who I fear may be trolls in our midst have said. Sorry some of you are "bored" by someone encouraging those in depression to get help, reach out to friends, hold on to hope, etc. Perhaps you should go watch something bright and colorful on TV or score some weed. Your need to be entertained by everything is a liability to honest discourse.

To the inventor of the plan to end depression for everyone: Nice try, but epic fail.

Interesting idea, the recorder, one that could work for some, but not for anyone suffering chronic depression.

Your solution is something that might work for situational depression, as talk therapy can help for that.

Your repetition of your claim that "Depression is a choice. Happiness is a choice." reveals what you are really talking about. Depression is not the opposite of happiness. SADNESS is. You are talking about sadness. Depression is a neurological condition that in some is cyclical and due to chronic imbalances of neurotransmitters, in others, it can be a result of PTSD or triggered by temporary neurotransmitter imbalances due to abnormal levels of stress.

Depression is caused by a medical condition, not life's troubles.

I believe you are earnestly trying to be of help, especially due to the volume of words you produced, so I thank you for that and acknowledge your good will. However, you do a great disservice to those who need to seek long-term treatment and specialized recovery techniques to deal with a life-long condition with more than your self-talk technique. In essence, you are just another person saying, "Get over it. Just think happy thoughts." Someone who has actually experienced depression, rather than momentary sadness, can tell you that depression prevents you from "thinking happy thoughts" because their creative and mental energy is turned inward, destructively. Many in the throes of depression do not WANT help. They want to die. That is the problem. It is a problem your recorder technique cannot possibly help. They either won't play the recording or it will have no impact since their mind will not accept the fact that they were happy. Their mind will twist that truth into a lie. They might smash it, or erase it and record a less joyful message, perhaps as a suicide note.

^^Welcome to the forum, ScoeyB.

Very well put post too. I've suffered cycles of depression all my adult life that have been very resistant to both medication and talking therapy. Some episodes, without a doubt have been triggered by times of extreme sadness, but many haven't had any specific identifiable cause. In either case, once the emptiness takes hold, the very idea of having a "choice" in the matter is totally incomprehensible to me - it feels like being caught in the pull of a black hole. As you quite rightly say, there is no reasoning with it, and my mind is able to distort any experience or emotion into the most negative kind of premonitions. As much as anything, the support of friends and family is needed to overcome the all-consuming apathy - I am beyond caring whether I ever recover or not, so self-help techniques are almost completely redundant. It is understanding the impact of my state on the people around me that pulls me through, not any sense of self-preservation.

Where techniques like the ones mentioned can help, I think, is with identifying that I'm slipping into depression as early as possible, so that I can get the help that I know I'm going to need before things progress to the point that I no longer care any more.

I face these issues all the time.I don't know where to get help.Please put me in the right direction (pun intended)

I wouldn't tell you to toughen up! For me, courage is expressing your feelings, not bottling them away!

That was very well written. I know someone who could benefit from reading it.

If an actual aspergian wrote this, then that's good news for this forum and off.

Depression is not sadness.

I've been sad, and able to deal with extreme sadness, but still function and feel 'normal'.

Depression is like a black hole, the inside thick with fog. It sucks you in and nothing is the same while you're in it. Everything you know is non existent and all you can do is think about how much you suck, and silently scream for help and not even know what that looks like. You just know you need it. And then there are family and people like you that treat it like it's nothing, like I CHOOSE to be depressed. Uh, no. You think I would honestly CHOOSE to feel like a complete loser with no worth, lost and unable to function normally?? I mean, come on.

I've dealt with depression since I was fifteen years old. I never sought help because 'mental' issues means you're crazy in my family and I didn't want that label on top of how horrible I already felt about myself. A lifetime of 'suck it up' 'be strong' 'really? again?' eye rolls, scoffs and general disbelief.

For a short illustration, if someone punched you, you'd be telling me that hurt. But I don't feel your pain, and what if I didn't see anyone punch you? Are you lying? No, you are legitimately feeling that pain and whether I believe you or not, you are still going to feel that pain and add on top of that shame, anger, disappointment, frustration and a host of other feelings because not only did you feel that pain but now you are being told it never happened and you're just trying 'to get attention' or some other lame thing people say who have no idea what it means to be depressed.

I had only myself to lean on, and it's been extremely difficult. As stated above, it's not always the case that everyone have the money, insurance or access to help they need. I learned to pay attention to the things that seemed to help me realize another 'episode' was near. It wasn't easy. You have to pay attention to your emotional, mental and physical traits that indicate a serious bout is on it's way. It seems like it never truly leaves, just attacks and then recedes for a time. There are things that help, like talking to someone who actually believes you. (This is rare.)

But will I suffer with this the rest of my life? I don't know...I can't answer that. All I can say is that I manage to survive and my hope is that others do too. It's perfectly acceptable to suggest help and share experiences, but when it crosses the line into suggesting 'it's all in your head' please stop listening. NO ONE who goes through this 'wants' it. It's absolutely, devastatingly life altering in an already difficult and hostile world.

I like this. 10/10 would read again.

Thank you for this. Been battling depression for a long time and it's heartening to read posts like this. Finally got the help I needed and I'm on the long road of recovery, and because of family and friends, I didn't make a stupid decision to end my life. Hope it helps others on here to read your words and to know that they aren't alone. It's wonderful to see the community band together and help each other out.

You're on the spectrum, Stephen?

"I implore all of you, any of you who know someone who suffers from depression -especially if they have autism- to sit them down and listen. Do not belittle them, do not doubt what thoughts could be swimming through their heads and treat them like adults. Let them speak, show them affection, and don’t, don’t, DON’T give up on these people."

I tried doing that with one of my friends, she got super pissed at me saying she doesn't like "how little faith [I] have in [her] to live life like a normal person" and that "[I] define [her] by [her] condition". That was not my intention at all, I was just trying to help, this was all after she said she stopped seeing her psychiatrist, she, and she was too depressed to doing anything for four days, stuff which I realized would probably be warning signs for suicide in probably anyone put her. Now she's saying she doesn't know when she'll be ready to talk to me again, if ever, and she doesn't want my help. Well dammit. And while last time I checked she wasn't diagnosed with it, I'm pretty sure she's on the autism spectrum, which is why her depression treatment hasn't been as effective as she would have liked. Anyone got any advice for when this happens?

Thanks for that. I too have felt like my family and others have said it's all in my head and I just seek attention etc etc. But I guess when Igrew up they wouldn't have known to look for aspergers in a girl that put all her efforts into blending into the background. I have been in and out of depression since the age of fifteen and with a family of my own it's tough at times. But reading your words gives comfort that I'm not alone and that is really brave of you to share x

Self-help is always available if you're persistent and you like to read. In fact, it's probably the most effective form of help, because you're relying entirely on yourself for motivation.

I'm in a constant state of depression, even when i'm full of life i have some sort of depression at the back of my mind that cannot be shaken off.

The main source of it is obviously self-worth, inability to cope in the most basic of situations (as in situations NT's expect me to start first and i'm always waiting for someone else to take the lead). Also i don't like clichés, like to avoid them at all costs.

I don't slit my wrists because i'm not aiming to get attention, but i am slowly killing myself from my eating habits, whether its intentional or not doesn't really matter to me.

I'm definitely no stranger to depression. I've experienced it to the point of suicidality. I used to be masochistic about it, took pills, and regarded everyone who didn't "recognize" my pain as "insensitive."

Wallowing in the misery isn't helpful. I don't need people to validate my depression. I don't need someone to hug me and say, "I feel your pain too, you're not alone." Tell me how I can make it better! Depression is counterproductive to my surivival!

If something in your life is making you miserable, then address it. Depression is caused by negative beliefs and perceptions that form a feedback loop in the brain. You're thinking stinks, which causes levels of neurotransmitters to drop, which makes you feel worse and feeds back into negative thinking. The key to undoing the vicious cycle is breaking the loop with intervention, not looking for sympathy.

Cognitive behavioral therapy is extremely effective for treating depression, because it addresses the root cause of depression, rather than just trying to suppress the symptoms (I.e., medication). It involves... surprise... changing the way you perceive things in your mind, I.e., changing your thinking.

People get very defensive when I tell them this. Some of my clients don't want to believe that they were suffering for years and suddenly, they can begin to get better within mere weeks. Not everyone likes to be responsible for their own thoughts and feelings. It seems like too much of a burden for some. But responsibility is power, it's a good thing. It gives you the power and courage to change.

The reality is, life is what you make of it. I live in a big, beautiful world full of awesome sensory experiences and a complex spectrum of feelings. Human beings are fascinating. The universe is awesome. I didn't always see it this way. But repeatedly staying in a dark mental and emotional space wasn't useful to me. Life is way too short to be miserable. Call me a sunny, Pollyanna a-hole, but I'll be the one trying to seize life by the gonads instead of bemoaning my suffering.

The truth hurts, but it can set you free. If you're depressed, get help and work hard at overcoming it; your life may depend on it. If you can't find a therapist, seek out self-help and peer support resources. It CAN be overcome.

What a brave and wonderful person you are Stephen. Your letter deeply touched me, enough to reply. This is my first post to this forum, so hello everyone! I look forward to speaking with many of you .

Stephen, I feel very much like you. The worst part of it is when you start telling yourself "I'm the only one", "MY problems are different/worse than others", and then the follow on to "I'll never get better". Of course, this is the depression talking, not the person. Though it never feels like this at the time.

However, these reactions can sometimes be a totally normal response to the fact that we are often misinterpreted when we DO seek help, an act that takes an enormous amount of courage and inner resolve, thus driving us deeper into ourselves. Coupled with the "I want everything to be better NOW" mentality that we can sometimes have, can lead to a vicious cycle.

Funny thing is: I can accept the uniqueness, preciousness and special beauty of others, so why not myself? Why the need to self-punish, constantly. Why treat myself any differently to how I would treat you, were we ever to meet?

I wish you all the love and happiness in the world.

-- Chris