Autistic and pregnant

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I think the father is autistic too. Higher functioning than my daughter. It depends on the day what age she is functioning at but never higher than about 8. I think she knows how she got pregnant but doesn't understand the consequences. He had bought her an engagement ring at Christmas but I am not even sure she understands the consequences of that.

I have asked her what his parents are like but all I get is that she doesn't know.

We have seen the doctor since I first posted and a few options were mentioned. She keeps telling me no baby no baby but again I am not sure she understands if she does something about it that it doesn't come back.

I am bringing up a grandchild (not my daughters child) at the moment. If I had to do it again I would. I just don't think it would be fair on my daughter to carry a child.

A while back we tried to get the implant fitted to try and stop her periods but they wouldn't do it. So once this pregnancy has ended we would go down that route again.


Thank you for all your answers, you have asked me questions that I had overlooked and it has helped.

You really NEED to tell this young man's parents. Like yesterday.

I know you live in the UK, and I have no clue about the laws there.

Had this happened in the US, and it is obvious to everyone your daughter is incapable of consenting to have sexual intercourse, his young man would be hit up with sexual assault charges. In my state, it would be having sexual relations with incapacitated adult. That is a felony and prison time, if this young man is anywhere close to functioning as an adult. He would be put on the sex offender list, which means kiss meaningful employement good bye. Where I live no one, especially with the incapacitated charge can get a job.

And for informed consent, you only have to be 16 years old in the social skills camp. But if you your daughter is 22 going on 8, that is too big of a functioning gap to let slide.

It isn't to get this young man in trouble, it's to let his parents know he is having unprotected sex, and with someone with a social skills set much younger than him. That is a bonfire waiting to happen.

Even if you all move on in your lives, his parents need to know. Getting a ring for a woman that functions as an 8 year old is not stellar reasoning skills, and the bonus round is the pregnancy.

I know there is a huge push for the differently able to have children and live their lives like eveyone else. That is probably the push back on the permanent birth control for your daughter.

Let the guy's parents know. His actions will affect their lives too.

If this is true than there is a highly probable chance (50%-75%), that they baby is going to be Autistic it was pretty hard to find this out. (Even though most of it is common sense, Ex. Two Left Handers makes the Baby more likely to be a left hander) No Neurotypical scientists want to research that. They're just like CURE CURE CURE. Not Hmm. Why don't we find out more about autism before you cure something. Though still. Like any baby, you (the grand-parent) are going to have to provide some financal support, just not to the point of them taking advantage of that. Like living off it. To a certain point. (Which can be especially hard for parents) Also you should keep in mind how long has this relation ship been going on, Also if you think they (Boyfriend and girlfriend) are ready for a baby, It's a awful big step. Especially if they under 25. Though this is a interesting topic, I'll reply when I get some more information. Though Autistic/Allistic parents won't have as much diffuculty raising kids of their own neurotype, rather than of different neurotype. (EG. Autistic Parent of Allistic (Neurotypical) child, or Allistic Parent of Autistic Child, vice versa. It really comes down to if you think it would be a good idea or not. Though from what you say she probably won't be able to process that the child is hers. Which might be traumatizing for either Her or the Baby. So, It's up to you.

Do you even know what eugenics means? Because trying to reduce the likelihood of a child with a genetic disability being born is pretty much the exact definition of eugenics.

Just saying if you're expressing an opinion, you should own up to it instead of pretending it's something else.

It depends on WHY someone wants to reduce the likelihood of a disabled child being born. If it's because one views autistic people as worthless and a drain on society, then yes, that's eugenics. No one here, however, has expressed such a view. People are concerned that the child's parents will be unable to care for him/her due to their own disabilities, and that a child with autism has less chance of being adopted if given up. The child would then grow up as a ward of the state, being shuffled from home to home and facing a high probability of being over-medicated and abused.

It's eugenics if it is one group of people trying to enforce it on another. In this case, however, it seems more like individuals making choices about their own lives - a completely different moral and ethical matter.

And probably make the child act worse itself and possible also be abusive themselves due to the abuse they had suffered and the neglect and that makes any child worse because of RAD which seems common in foster care and orphanages because the child is given lack of attention and love so they never learned to bond properly so they develop psychoapthy because that part of their brain never developed right. I do think RAD is basically childhood psychopathy except they are created, not born that way and I do wonder if RAD leads to a psychopathy diagnoses because it's can't be diagnosed under age 18 so hence the other label.

early in pregnancy abortion is very safe and doesn't require anesthesia. "no baby" sounds like your daughter has made her decision. the sooner, the better.

Do you think that he might love her, or no. I say this because love can make people do stuff they shouldn't have.

I was looking at the high probability that his baby would have significant challenges, which would make properly parenting it even harder. It also - like it or not - affects the baby's likelihood of being adopted. Adoptive parents do want to know the fitness of the bio parents.

And please do not take a combative tone with me, Ettina.

I think you should get an advocate outside of the family to help explain this situation to your daughter and see if her wishes can be verified and followed through with. Abortion should not be considered unless it is her choice, even with her mental capacity. If it wasn't what she wanted and she came to understand that later she would never get over it. It would drive a wedge between you two and make it hard for you to help her in other avenues of her life.

If you have to significantly help her raise a child, there are much worse things.

I also think an advocate outside of the family should be helping her make decisions about dating and being sexually active, and to help her with a birth control implant. I agree that is a good idea.

You should have access to a disabled person's advocate there in the UK. My understanding is that the services there are better than here in the US. In the US one would go to social services and ask for a social worker. I think it works similarly there, but is a little more specialized. A poster in the UK can probably correct me where I'm wrong.

Oh and I think you need to track down the parents of the father immediately and see what their deal is. See if they're good people and can help you. Spend some time with the father too. See what you think of him.

I think in this case, abortion might be the best solution since your daughter seems to suggest it by saying "No baby." That is, if it's early enough in the pregnancy. I think in the end, that birth control implant would be good, as it's a long term option if you have no wish to consider sterilization for her. Another option is an IUD, but there's the risk of it coming out, and if she's not able to understand the importance of checking for the string once a month, that might not be a good option.

Sorry I have not replied for a while. We have been dealing with morning sickness and talking with the father and his parents.

We have an appointment with the midwife on Tuesday and hopefully things will be put in place then.

Thank you for all your replies which I have appreciated

All I can say is, if she goes through with the pregnancy she will need all the help and support she can get. but that is from my own experience. I was pregnant at 18 and far too young. I couldn't look after myself either and had to have someone else look after my daughter until she was 16 years old.

I had post natal psychosis and it went undiagnosed and suffered terrible depression. I'm not saying that will happen to your daughter though but it was the most scary time for me and unfortunately my baby suffered because she had to be without her mummy.

Your daughter really needs to understand the reality and every single possible outcome of what might be.

I really wish you all the very best.

Whatever you all decide, do try and make sure that your daughter has processed it. If aborted, it's possible that later she will regret that decision, and "no baby" might be a reaction to the shock of being pregnant, rather than a desire to do away with it. Really, only she can know that.

Whatever everyone decides is best, you are all in my prayers.

Sounds like you've/she decide to go forward with the pregnancy. I hope your daughter has an easy pregnancy (after all the morning sickness stops), and an uneventful delivery.

I say this because in the states, my friends who have gotten abortions just went to the clinic. There was no discussion with the guy. I don't know if in the UK you need to see a midwife first. Where I live you would not.

Hoping for the best <3 for your daughter.