Feeling different to other aspies

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Hello,

Autism varies a ton, it can often be odd if your collection of traits is uncommon but eventually you find someone like you.

I have met a few like me, I am lucky enough to work with someone who has a similar collection of traits as me. We vary in a few places (I'm mathy, she's arty) but in most places we have shared experiences.

I'm like you in that I'm atypical, with strong Aspie and neurotypical traits. But I'm atypical in a way that's almost completely the opposite of the way you are! I have a terrible time socializing and shy away from physical contact with people, I have obsessive interests, and I was bullied terribly in elementary school. But on the other hand my sensory difficulties are minor compared to those of many peeps here. I'm partly face blind which is an Aspie trait, but I can interpret facial expressions intuitively which is neurotypical. My stimming is usually limited to pacing and foot tapping, and I can easily follow instructions. Also, I have meltdowns but they seem to be minor compared to those of many here or if they are major (muteness or catatonia) I can manage to avoid the triggers in real life, since for me, the triggers seem to be emotional rather than sensory.

My Aspie quiz plots capture this pretty well:



You can see in the plot how my relationship and social traits are Aspie, communication is neurotypical, talent is maxed out Aspie but also neurotypical, perception is both. I've become fascinated by the way Aspie traits move through my family and the BAP/Aspie famlies of friends, you can see that there are multiple genes involved as well as the possibility of external factors that exacerbate these traits. I've also noted that a disproportionate number of people in these families are bipolar or schizophrenic.

It can't be assumed that Aspies are going to automatically click with all other Aspies.

People have to share something in common. You don't expect all diabetics to hang. Same with any syndrome or disorder. I will say fellowship with other diabetics is uplifting at times.

Even we are wired differently from Neurotypicals, but these different wiring are idiosyncratic.

I have anxiety issues. Somehow I get more anxious around aspies. I do not know why.

Absolutely.

I noticed the posts on this thread for the most part are much shorter then most on WP. I have noticed that about my posting also.

I have not many issues which a lot of Aspies have (such as prosopagnosia, idiosyncratic sensory processing, literal thinking). I would say that I am not on the one spectrum with infantile autism. My condition is rather like something described here and misnamed as a social learning disability: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnJpqrNTASU, but not like high-functioning Kanner's syndrome.

I'm still kind of half asleep so it's hard for me to put my finger on, but I definitely feel like I'm different than other aspies, particularly many of the ones I've met on here, as well as some of the ones I'm friends with online.

One of the biggest differences I've noticed between myself and other aspies is that I'm actually extremely self-concious, and I worry a lot about how other people see me and what they think about me. I'm not a "free spirit" who just does as he pleases. This is one of the reasons why I spend so much time alone, oftentimes actively avoiding real time interactions with other people.

Another big difference is that I'm not dead set on following rules like other aspies are; I was to a degree when I was younger even though I hated it, and I still feel like I'm better at obeying a structure rather than going along and doing my own thing, but at the same time I've come to notice that there are many situations in life where rules aren't followed, and where there's a significant difference between the de facto rules, and the rules that are actually practiced. This type of ambiguity frustrates me, and I often wish these things would be laid out straight to me instead of leaving me to guess and observe how things are actually done. Whatever the case, I also find myself to be highly resistant to rules the I find to be pointless, illogical, and/or otherwise frustrating, and I've gotten myself in trouble on numerous occasions in public school for breaking these rules.

Another thing, it often feels like I know the "real world" better than a lot of aspies, who are highly sheltered and handed things on a silver platter. As a result, in some ways I feel like I can relate better to NTs who have suffered from severe mental health issues, such as my uncle. My uncle and I are incredibly close, and though he's socially gifted and very not-aspie, we can relate on a number of issues. I think his social gifts help him out in this respect though, since he's good at relating to other people and their issues, so as a result this means that we can make a connection.

One more thing, I feel like I'm much more hampered by my ADHD (or at least ADHD-like symptoms...) than I am by being autistic. My distractability, impulsivity, trouble concentrating on things, and other executive functioning problems are more of a disability to me than the social deficits that come with autism.

I was diagnosed with AS (a pervasive developmental disorder), but I do not see (at least so much) issues like in Kanner's syndrome in me. "I am afraid" that I should be more properly as having just a social (learning) disability or "social NVLD", not autism/PDD. I am not like Temple Grandin or individuals with "bookish" examples of Asperger's. I may feel like an oddball who is "good-for-nothing" or just "evil, lazy, egoistic, psychopathic" among Aspies