Do you make eye contact?

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I'm the same . I've learnt over the years to make eye contact as it is expected . I'm lucky in one way as I have piercing blue eyes which usually get nice comments ... That said I can't do it for long as it's not natural and I hear myself saying "look at their eyes "

. It's also easier if they are a fair distance , say a couple of yards / metres away .



A few have mentioned that they look at mouths rather than eyes and it reminds me of a autism documentary where they did tests on around 20 babies ( where BOTH parents were autistic ) and they put sensors all over over heads and discovered that even as babies their eyes were focusing naturallh on people's mouths rather than eyes ..

I really dislike eye contact - it makes me feel very uncomfortable. With strangers I find it most difficult. With people I know very well I try to glance at their eyes from time to time in conversation if I can. For me eye contact feels aggressive and challenging or, in the case of my dog quite demanding (she stares at me when she wants something from me - like for me to make her dinner or to give her a treat.

Someone on here helpfully suggested looking at the area just below someone's eyes - so their nose I'm guessing. I havent' tried it yet but it might be a good solution.

As someone trying to advise staff in community settings how to support someone with Autism to access, I would be interested to hear peoples thoughts on how to go about eye contact with someone with Autism.

We often talk to our staff about how sometimes 'getting next to someone' (not too close) and communicating in a more side on manner can help them if eye contact and face to face interactions are difficult. I also feel like the body language of being side by side is less confrontational if someone is highly anxious.

What do people think of this? What would you want someone in a community setting to know with regards eye contact?

I don't. Like the OP said it sort of burns the image in my mind, and for some reason it also makes it hard to focus on what they are saying so I end up missing half of it.

I maybe alone in thinking this but I can't stand anyone sitting at the side of me and I certainly can't relax or talk freely with anyone who sits next to me ..... I would rather have them sat opposite or diagonal and a metre or two away then I can relax . If someone just sits next to me I tend to move my sitting position a little , so I slide away a foot or so and turn towards them .


So for me I'd tell your staff to find a position in front of me and ideally at least 4 foot away .

I focus on mouths as well. I can either make extremely fleeting eye contact and then look away due to discomfort or do the whole "looking through them" thing, which probably comes across as some kind of death stare.

It's crazy that even autistic babies avoid eye contact and instead focus on mouths ! !

Occasionally, yeah. It's hard to determine how long I should make eye contact and how long to look away... I have no sense of timing unless I literally start counting the seconds, but that would be distracting. I don't want to stare too long or not look at them enough, but I can't figure out the correct amount of time! It's so annoying. Why do I have to make eye contact? What's the point? To me, it seems rude.

It's easier for me to make eye contact with family members. I can make brief eye contact with people at school, unless we're complete strangers. There's some people I can't seem to look at at all, and I don't know why. And if I dislike someone, I definitely won't look at them because I'll probably break into tears if I do; it's just too awful!

This might be unrelated, but apparently I also blink a lot. Anyone have a possible explanation?

For service personell, the best would be to sit/stand opposite, but simply not try to make eye-contact; look at the mouth of the autistic, and that should be enough.

That's really helpful to hear. There are so many accounts on here of how difficult eye contact can be it certainly seems that staff and service personal should start by understanding this. To not expect, demand or even over use eye contact. I like the idea of looking at other parts of the face such as the mouth.

So space is clearly and important area to consider. Perhaps I was misleading when I talked about being to the side of someone as I didn't mean sitting or standing right next to them. However, your idea of a diagonal could be a good think to pass on. I was just wondering if being opposite someone could come across as confrontational.

Sporadically, I try to smile and make eye contact more and I do notice people react to it altho I don't know if its a good or bad reaction. It doesn't come natural, I don't like it, I break off eye contact, turn my back to speakers, all types of bad habits.

I usually don't make eye contact and stare at the person's chin instead. It kind of helps that I'm short.

I trained myself to look people in the eye when I read that not looking meant you were lying.
Trained myself to do lots of these things as a kid to overcome the socially disabling aspects but find it takes a huge amount of energy and as I am nearing my 60's I can't keep the effort up.

I make eye-contact more now I'm almost 60 than I used to. (As a schoolkid I was forever getting told off for not doing it). I don't find it that pleasant or anything, I've trained myself because people like it. A lot of people will think you shifty or untrustworthy if you don't.
When I look into blue eyes they ofter appear to be more like a pigs eyes than human which isn't pleasant but sometimes blue eyes seem to shine with hostility or hatred. When I look into brown eyes I ofter feel like I'm falling into them, into a dark and bottomless place.
I have noticed though, that it is far easier with people I know well.

I do not, it is simply unnatural, i feel no need for it. For me "threatened" would be the wrong word, but i do sense a reflexive aversion. When i do override that and try to make eye contact i cannot simultaneously process what is being said except for maybe the odd word. Sometimes i find myself repeating it in an effort to work out what was said.

I have mastered the art of faking it in social situations by looking in their general direction and defocusing my eyes, but it is still not natural and i won't necessarily remember to do it when supposedly you should. For instance it was only after I was told i might have aspergers that i looked for these things and noticed the cashier in the shop always tries to look into your eyes when they give you change.

Weirdos