why cant NT accept us for who we are
There's informed acceptance and uninformed acceptance. Acceptance isn't possible in the absence of understanding, and understanding isn't possible in the absence of listening, and listening isn't possible if there is no will to listen.
Acceptance is an outcome of one kind or another.
It is not unreasonable for those of us in the ASD community who live in cultures that "talk the talk on disability without walking the walk" to desire better outcomes for ASD people, and better outcomes depend upon much more than talk.
Why should NTs care? Because they are humans too, members of "civilised" western democratic cultures where fairness and equity are (supposedly) culturally important values. At the end of the day we are all in this together as people.
StarTrekker
Veteran
Joined: 22 Apr 2012
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,088
Location: Starship Voyager, somewhere in the Delta quadrant
NT people don't need to listen to you to get through the day, a life even. What would they gain by listening, understanding and accepting?
It's not what they would gain, it's what we would gain by having them treat us like real humans with real needs. As human beings, we deserve to be treated with the same minimum level of respect that NTs give each other as a matter of course, and all too frequently we aren't. The NTs I work with don't accept me when they bully me and make me feel like I don't belong. They don't accept me when they laugh at me and cut me off if ever I try to talk about things that interest me. They don't accept me when they refuse to acknowledge the severe reality of my sensory problems, and tell me to just deal with it.
If a super race of telepathic aliens who were impervious to painful sensory stimuli came down to earth and started bullying the NTs for not being able to communicate the way they did, or for getting too hot or too cold or having their senses damaged by excessive stimuli, you can bet the NTs would revolt.
_________________
"Survival is insufficient" - Seven of Nine
Diagnosed with ASD level 1 on the 10th of April, 2014
Rediagnosed with ASD level 2 on the 4th of May, 2019
Thanks to Olympiadis for my fantastic avatar!
do u feel like nobody cares about you in social situations
do u feel like u never have anything to say
how often do u feel sad
Yes I feel unaccepted by society in general.
And I feel like most people don't care about me or most anyone else in general..
I rarely feel like adding to conversations in real life. I don't feel very capable of it. And I don't mean my speech issues
I feel sad fairly often. Sad and or scared.
Last edited by EzraS on 07 Jun 2016, 8:03 am, edited 1 time in total.
I will respect a person more if the person accommodates me, as much as I accommodate the person.
If a person doesn't bother to listen to my side of the story, I don't respect the person. I would, inevitably, think the he/she is a ignoramus.
NT's have the "right" not to listen to people with ASD's---but if they don't listen to people with ASD's, they are not moral people. They are lesser people. They are limited.
On average, we hate it when it conflicts with something we closely identify with. It's called Self-Serving Bias.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in ... -antidotes
It depends on the NT.
By and large, NT's know very little about autism. It's not their fault; there's not much material about it floating around--except within sensationalistic sorts of reports detailing an "autism epidemic" or something of that ilk.
Some will listen with varying degrees of thoroughness and sincerity.
Some will just not listen, and believe high-functioning autism is just an "excuse."
But the majority of NT's are not bad people; they just need to be educated.
randomeu
Veteran
Joined: 30 May 2016
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 628
Location: In the wonderful world of i dont know
my course is really good with equality and diversity, they say "you should be accepting of everyone, no matter who they are we wont tolerate homophobic, sexist or racist remarks" and then.....let anyone say anything bad against anyone. can litterly go call someone a homophobic slur right infront of a course tutor and they wont say anything, for example some people in my class have called me a "spaz" or "downy" and nothing happens at all. yay for equality?
_________________
AQ score: 45
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 174 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 30 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)
Officially diagnosed 30th june 2017
CockneyRebel
Veteran
Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 116,745
Location: In my little Olympic World of peace and love
NT people don't need to listen to you to get through the day, a life even. What would they gain by listening, understanding and accepting?
It's not what they would gain, it's what we would gain by having them treat us like real humans with real needs. As human beings, we deserve to be treated with the same minimum level of respect that NTs give each other as a matter of course, and all too frequently we aren't. The NTs I work with don't accept me when they bully me and make me feel like I don't belong. They don't accept me when they laugh at me and cut me off if ever I try to talk about things that interest me. They don't accept me when they refuse to acknowledge the severe reality of my sensory problems, and tell me to just deal with it.
If a super race of telepathic aliens who were impervious to painful sensory stimuli came down to earth and started bullying the NTs for not being able to communicate the way they did, or for getting too hot or too cold or having their senses damaged by excessive stimuli, you can bet the NTs would revolt.
If I was treated with the same respect that my younger sister is, I'd be hanging out with my family a lot more often. I'm not treated with the same respect that she is, and I just go off and do my own thing. It's been three weeks since I went to visit them because I know my mum will never accept me for who I am in the moment. I know that my mum loves me, she loves me in a way that she wants me to be loved instead of loved the way that I am today. It can be very grating and I have to leave most of my favrouite things at home when I spend the night there. I'm not allowed to bring any comfort objects that have to do with my favourite TV character, than I have to sleep through the night without something to cling to or wear on my head. If my mum was able to accept me as I am at the moment, I'd be able to bring my happy objects for the night. I know that my mum will never accept me as I am in the present and she will keep expecting to be like my same-sex peers instead of accepting my helmets. If a certain member tries to argue with me, I will not respond.
_________________
The Family Enigma
It is a very steep learning curve for most NTs--it is very, very hard to learn things that are outside their comfort zone. Advanced physics is very hard because it is contrary to what we observe in everyday life--you have to look very hard and do tedious experiments to see evidence.
Not so much these days, as I keep away from people who don't accept me, as far as possible, and gravitate towards those who do. Also I feel that some of my feelings of alienation are my own doing, I'm not the most outgoing person in the world, sometimes I think I love my privacy and autonomy more than I other love people. And I prefer to be fiercely individualist and off-centre, and won't wear social masks very much, so the herd, if there is such a thing any more, are bound to find it hard to relate to me.
Same as above.
Sometimes. Other times I feel like I have far too much to say. It's very hard to find the middle ground.
Depends on what you mean by sad. I guess I'm somewhere in the middle, rarely extremely happy or sad but I flip around the centre line a lot.
I think it's mainly down to people in general not being all that good at taking each other's different perspectives and supporting each other. We humans never seem quite able to make up our minds whether we want to compete or co-operate. And with the AS-NT divide, autism is a hellishly complicated thing, it's probably not surprising that most people don't have the time or inclination to understand it. It's much easier to demonise and shun those who are different.
So what happens if a socially dominant person is rude or oppressive towards you? Do you not consider them a "real person"? Do you become sad? vengeful?
Details please.
NT people don't need to listen to you to get through the day, a life even. What would they gain by listening, understanding and accepting?
It's not what they would gain, it's what we would gain by having them treat us like real humans with real needs. As human beings, we deserve to be treated with the same minimum level of respect that NTs give each other as a matter of course, and all too frequently we aren't. The NTs I work with don't accept me when they bully me and make me feel like I don't belong. They don't accept me when they laugh at me and cut me off if ever I try to talk about things that interest me. They don't accept me when they refuse to acknowledge the severe reality of my sensory problems, and tell me to just deal with it.
If a super race of telepathic aliens who were impervious to painful sensory stimuli came down to earth and started bullying the NTs for not being able to communicate the way they did, or for getting too hot or too cold or having their senses damaged by excessive stimuli, you can bet the NTs would revolt.
If I was treated with the same respect that my younger sister is, I'd be hanging out with my family a lot more often. I'm not treated with the same respect that she is, and I just go off and do my own thing. It's been three weeks since I went to visit them because I know my mum will never accept me for who I am in the moment. I know that my mum loves me, she loves me in a way that she wants me to be loved instead of loved the way that I am today. It can be very grating and I have to leave most of my favrouite things at home when I spend the night there. I'm not allowed to bring any comfort objects that have to do with my favourite TV character, than I have to sleep through the night without something to cling to or wear on my head. If my mum was able to accept me as I am at the moment, I'd be able to bring my happy objects for the night. I know that my mum will never accept me as I am in the present and she will keep expecting to be like my same-sex peers instead of accepting my helmets. If a certain member tries to argue with me, I will not respond.
To be honest, I'm not sure what the condition of my parents is... Let's assume they are NT. While I have no siblings, I certainly do not get any respect from them.
Details please.
Becoming sad or vengeful is one possibility.
Another is that you develop Stockholm syndrome and see their behavior as either done for your own good or your punishment for something you yourself have done bad.
Not seeing them as a real person is also possible: you might label them a "narcissist" or "sociopath" or constantly make fun of them behind their back and hope for a way to escape their oppression.
Similar Topics | |
---|---|
Struggling to accept BPD diagnosis - could it be ASD instead
in Bipolar, Tourettes, Schizophrenia, and other Psychological Conditions |
23 Oct 2024, 8:34 pm |