Experience with benzodiazepines?

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if you want benzos you can find them at incredibly low prices on the web....another reason the drug war does not work.

That's all right LOL. I have too much to lose; I'm staying strictly legal and the world will just have to put up with my twitchy, fidgety, not-making-eye-contact, dropping-my-kid-off-at-the-party-and-leaving autistic self.

Agree with you about the drug war, though.

I had a near nervous breakdown last Saturday - this is very RARE for me. But I was overloaded with stress and was suffering from symptoms of endometriosis being close to my cycle. I was incredibly emotional, we had almost gotten in a major car accident with a garbage truck the day before and I had to deal with a couple of ''old enemies'' the day after.

This all resulted in me have a major, massive meltdown. I had absolutely no choice but to find the bottle of Valium under the sink and down two pills. Believe me this was a LIFESAVER. I would have ended up in the psych ward that night on form-1 (held for 24-48 hours) if it had not been for the benzos. It calmed down within 20 minutes and then I was fine. I slept it off and had no after shocks from the meltdown by the morning. I know Benzodiazepines have a horrible reputation but they do have a purpose.

I took ativan/lorezepam for a few years. I loved that thing. Soothes my mind and gave me some sleep every night. Then my doctor retired, and new doctors wouldn't prescribe it any more. I didn't know about tapering so I just stopped it cold turkey. It was horrible. I had so many withdrawal symptoms and started having major depression. I was trying all sorts of herbs and supplements and obsessively reading about each of them. The only thing that helped a bit was passion flower. This hell lasted more than a year and I only felt normal since a couple months ago. Anyway if you take it use it only occasionally. Try not to get used to it. If you get used to them and then try to quit, there will likely be some withdrawals, and it can be severe enough to send you to hospital. If I knew how bad I would feel during withdrawals I would not have taken it. My original anxiety was nothing compared to the anxiety/depression I felt later.

I take 1/8 mg of klonopin about once every two weeks. Only if I'm really spinning out. I took it more heavily than this for 7 years and then started to wean down.

Don't fool yourself: benzos cause dementia. Take sparingly.

currently addicted to benzos, I have a doctor's prescription to treat epilepsy. Feel like a total wimp. Hopefully I'll get some good medical indica weed to calm me down as I feel weed is better for you. It's a slow process to ween off benzos but I WANT to quit which is the first step. I used this mental idea to quit a harder drug (alcohol.) Benzos are a completely diff animal, you dont usually do stupid stuff like when you booze.

Currently I have to go to a group and complete 75 hours of "therapy" by sitting in a group and talking about booze, it's really depressing and makes me want to drink even though I haven't drank in 18 months...

12 step programs dont work, wanting to quit does.

No way around it if I want my license back.

12 step programs work if you're honest.

I, like you, used to be able to stop when I wanted to, i.e. when consequences started to catch up with me. But I couldn't stay stopped (and I was never truly emotionally sober when I did). At some point I would start drinking and drugging again, and then I would sink lower than I was before. Alcoholism and addiction are progressive; eventually, wanting to quit isn't enough. It happened for me. I couldn't stop drinking and getting high, even though I really, really wanted to. Also: it wasn't even working for me anymore. I mean literally I couldn't even get high anymore. That happens towards the end for some low-bottoms. It just stops working. Every day I told myself I wouldn't do it and every day I did it anyway. I hated myself, because I was a loser. I was about to get evicted from my apartment, I had no friends, I was unemployed and unemployable. Finally I went to a meeting. On my own, because I was out of options. That was humbling. Here's the thing: I didn't go because I wanted to keep my apartment (or to get reclaim a drivers license), I went because I wanted to get well. Totally different motivation. I took the suggestions, and I did what people told me in earnest. I found a sponsor, I worked the steps. I've been sober for 6 years. And I don't spend my time online preaching that other people's solutions don't work, so I would say I have a kind of emotional sobriety today that works for me, too. Because on my own I AM like you. I am resentful to the core.

I did end up getting served eviction papers, when I was less than a week sober and very sick. Oh lord that was terrifying. I saw in front of my apartment door in fear for about 36 hours while someone was lurking out there with a subpoena. Eventually he got one of my neighbors to knock on my door and it fooled me, so I opened it and he threw the papers in and said "Gotcha." I called my sponsor and she told me how to use the steps to face this challenge. I did. I called the fancy lawyer for my property management company and had a direct conversation with her to try to work out an agreement. Let me paint this picture for you:
I was a middle school drop out, a 30 year old hard core drug addict, unemployed and unemployable, no money and no social skills. That was a very hard, very scary conversation and I did it.
Through experiences like that -- working the steps through the very real problems I had in my life -- I developed into the emotionally sober, refined woman who is typing this message today.

It took a lot of years of hard work to build myself from the broken alcoholic and addict who I was into the person I am today. It didn't happen because I wanted to get sober. It happened because I channeled my desire to get sober into honest action in the 12 steps.

The 12 steps work if you work them. Step one is the hardest step. Some people never get there. But for those who do work the steps, the results are profound. It's a free program that asks nothing of people except the willingness to get honest.

That's too scary for some.

Last edited by ElleGaunt on 06 Mar 2018, 2:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Tried Xanax for a couple of days (minimal/pediatric dosage) and felt like I'd been shot full of elephant tranquilizer. Couldn't function at all.

Ativan has worked quite well for me for the past three months, but I go off it every few days (or reduce the dosage), depending on what's happening in my life, so as not to get too dependent on it.

Someone actually told me to try Benzos, particularly valium however after reading all that everyone has had to say I don't think I'm going near the stuff

I might go back on amitriptyline to help with sleep and nerve pain but ultimately I need something for my panic attacks.

I hate SSRIs and I found them to be addictive or like wearing a mental straight jacket. Every time I was on them I found myself smoking and drinking 'to feel myself' if that makes sense.

I think I will stick to therapy and self help techniques for now even though I am under a lot of stress and could do with a bit of tension relief.

@ElleGaunt congratulations. I often say what you've said to friends and loved ones with problems and I'm glad to see it's true and not just the words of a sanctimonious sober mind

I myself decided to be sober and have been straight edge for a while now.

12 step programs work for some, but for the majority they do not work. A good book on this is "The Sober Truth" by Lance Dodes. I have been in a lot of 12 step stuff and went through all 12 steps with a sponsor. If all I had to go on was a 12 step program and not therapy with a trained psychologist I would most likely be dead. This "12 steps work if you work them" nonsense is just blaming the patient for the failures of the treatment program. It absolutely disgusts me how addiction is treated so much differently than any other disorder. If you're depressed and prozac doesn't help, doctors will try something else. If the 12 steps don't work, then we get told that we haven't "hit bottom" yet, were dishonest, didn't *actually* use the steps, etc.

I've stayed away from benzos even though I've been offered prescriptions in the past because I'm pretty sure if I got started it would be a total mess for me...