Is true that autistic women have it much easier in dating?

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Tawaki
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27 Jul 2016, 10:03 am

My husband thought of another reason.

Who would hook up with someone, looking for a LTR, when every statistics published for general consumption says there is an 80% divorce rate for marriages with one spectrum partner, and ASD supposedly runs in families?

I don't know how low function OP's brother is, but I do know some men in my husband's support group have bitched about that.



Jono
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27 Jul 2016, 10:14 am

Tawaki wrote:
My husband thought of another reason.

Who would hook up with someone, looking for a LTR, when every statistics published for general consumption says there is an 80% divorce rate for marriages with one spectrum partner, and ASD supposedly runs in families?

I don't know how low function OP's brother is, but I do know some men in my husband's support group have bitched about that.


The trouble is, that statistic may not even be accurate. It's a factoid based on one Dutch study made nearly a decade ago (with some methodological problems mind you) which was first mentioned by Maxine Aston in one of her books and then often repeated. Recently, there have actually been some studies of couples where one spouse has an ASD that show that such relationships can and do work out if the ASD is known about. It may the case that there are more issues if the couple doesn't know that ASD is the cause of some problems but otherwise the 80% figure is not really true or accurate.



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27 Jul 2016, 11:12 am

somanyspoons wrote:
Two autistics trying to date is like two blind people walking down a crowded and crooked sidewalk without canes or aids. Its not that its impossible, but that its harder. Neither autistic really has an instinct for what to do for the other.

i think it depends. i highly suspect that my ex is autistic herself (it's just hard to tell for sure because she has tons of other "baggage"-type issues on top of it, and, like me, she also has adhd). it was a problematic relationship, but i think that was because of those other issues, while the commonalities actually made things paradoxically more natural. because, besides the shared perspective (which does make a lot of difference), it also meant it was normal for both of us to "state the obvious" all the time, or ask when in doubt. there was no shame in it

meta-talk about how to communicate was a constant from the very beginning, and part of everyday talk (serious or casual). it was one of the main subjects that brought us together in the first place, months before there was any assumption of something beyond friendship, and it was one of the foundations of the relationship throughout the whole thing

the pervasive sense that "humans don't make sense" is also the main thing i have in common with the few friends i keep in touch with, and it's a perennial subject of conversation in all of its forms


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ZombieBrideXD
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27 Jul 2016, 11:40 am

I can say i have been asked out on more dates than my male autistic friends.

I dont ask people out on dates because i dont know how and i partially dont want to.


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ASPartOfMe
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27 Jul 2016, 12:02 pm

My ASSUMPTION has always been that females have it more difficult in general because pregnancy and body size/strength.


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27 Jul 2016, 12:27 pm

I knew a very beautiful autistic girl and she had to beat the guys off with a stick. Her lack of personal boundaries made her very touchy-feely around guys.



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27 Jul 2016, 12:29 pm

Women are much less likely than men to be completely devoid of any kind of attractiveness.


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27 Jul 2016, 1:21 pm

I don't think that is really true, however it's probably best not to limit the search to women with autism...for one there are less autistic women than non-autistic women so they can be harder to find. Also though NTs are all different some are certianly more introverted, akward in social situations some are much more outgoing and smooth socially basically it might even be possible to find someone with a couple traits in common with autism who's still neurotypical.


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27 Jul 2016, 1:24 pm

ASPartOfMe wrote:
My ASSUMPTION has always been that females have it more difficult in general because pregnancy and body size/strength.


And we painfully bleed once a month.


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27 Jul 2016, 1:53 pm

i remember reading something once (supposedly corroborated by some kind of research, iirc, but really... can any survey to date on anything autism-related be trusted? but i digress...) saying that one combination that actually tends to have better chances of success is asd partner + adhd partner. i can't think of a logical argument off the top of my head, but my gut tells me that it makes sense. and i've also heard of some anecdotal evidence that supports the theory. and then if one or both partners have both asd and adhd, i think the principle would still apply just the same


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27 Jul 2016, 9:43 pm

I have found it impossible to find a man. I am not attractive at all so this could be part of it. I really need to find a guy who either finds me attractive or doesn't care about looks.


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slw1990
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27 Jul 2016, 10:37 pm

Guys rarely show interest in me irl and I can tell that I make a lot of them uncomfortable. Even if they do show interest it usually doesn't last long enough for anything like a relationship to happen.



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28 Jul 2016, 6:34 am

Quote:
Women are much less likely than men to be completely devoid of any kind of attractiveness.

Hah, that may be true - even women maligned as "unattractive" seem comparatively lovely to men deemed the same.
As for autistic women and dating - I have known more than one case where autistic women are more vulnerable to being taken advantage of, abused, used and discarded, and generally mistreated by men because of their unawareness of social understanding. They may be able to get "dates" but that may be more trouble than not getting any.


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kraftiekortie
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28 Jul 2016, 7:56 am

I'm just shocked by that, SLW. You look like the Mona Lisa!



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28 Jul 2016, 8:58 am

Joe90 wrote:
I am in a relationship with an NT man. I wouldn't want an autistic man really. I find most too nerdy and distant, and I am a very affectionate person who loves to express my love.


Glad to hear I am not the only one who likes affection. I was told on here a few times I couldn't be an Aspie because I like affection.

I could usually make a few friends but had a much harder time with dating.



kraftiekortie
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28 Jul 2016, 9:39 am

Many Aspies like affection.

I like it--but not too much of it.