Spiderpig wrote:
marshall wrote:
But if it's supposed to be someone who loves you, they are demonstrating that they don't when they make trite hurtful statements or tell you to basically shut up.
Oh, but trite, wise-sounding statements enable them to flake on you in a socially acceptable way, not acknowledging the contradiction and making you look like the bad guy. Why would they give up such a useful resource?
My mom said "We all have our problems" a lot when I was growing up and was trying to tell her how unhappy I was. I eventually realized it was her way of saying, "don't bother me with your problems, I can only worry about my own." What I learned later was, that she was having an affair with her boss, then breaking up with him, then being stalked by him, and my dad was having affairs too, and she did not have the energy or inclination to worry about her daughter being bullied at school and getting into fights, or her sons getting on drugs and flunking out. We were smart and supposed to show up to impress her friends at parties, and not be any bother.
I look at friends now who spend so much time looking after their kids, helping them with homework, taking them to special events, getting involved with their after-school activities (and these are just the parents with NT kids). One friend with an Asperger daughter does so much for her--classes, therapy, IEPs, parent-teacher conferences. It makes me burn with rage to think of how uninvolved my parents were with the well-being of me and my brothers.
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Diagnosed Bipolar II in 2012, Autism spectrum disorder (moderate) & ADHD in 2015.