I've been studying the story and timeline of the bible. I think it's such a beautiful story of how God chose to save the world by sacrificing Himself. I love that I get to be a part of my favourite story.
As a two year old, I was dragged out of Church kicking and screaming. I couldn't handle the music. As a very young child I said the 'sinner's prayer'. I followed Christianity. I wanted to go to heaven, but I worried that if there was music and flapping angel wings there, I would be continually scared by them.
As a ten year old, I became rigid and ritualistic with following rules I made up in my head. ie. If I didn't walk a particular way, I would go to hell. I read prophetic literature in the bible and had the worst way of interpreting it. I think a lot of this was caused by an anti anxiety medication. (Wow, that worked)
And finally, in my teenaged years, cheered on by 'name it and claim it' healing seminars I had witnessed, I asked to be healled, and then spent five years convincing myself I had been.
When I realised I hadn't been, I became angry at God. I believe His answer was "No, I won't just take it away, you always felt there wasn't really anything wrong with you, and that the people who were trying to fix you were wrong. You're right. I didn't make you this way by mistake. I don't make mistakes."
In saying that, I'm not saying everything about autism is good, or is God's will, I believe God can allow things to happen even which He doesn't particularly want to happen. I believe SPD and anxiety are two of those things, caused by the general sin and corruption and evil in every human heart; but through them, I trust Him to look after me.