I've Been Single My Whole Life and Cannot Accept That

Post Reply New Topic

Funny, because on the rare occasions when I'm actually in a positive social situation, my happiness and self-esteem skyrockets. So don't presume to tell me what my emotions are, thank you very much.

I just used that cancer thing as an example. I couldn't care less about curing cancer as I don't care about humanity as a whole. I value individuals that I bond with, the rest of the world is just scenery.

Now you're doing that thing you always do where you totally misrepresent everything I'm saying. Yes of course, I'm just a bitter man with entitlement issues. I expect the world to just give me what I want.

Can you quote where I said I was owed something? Just so I can see it for myself?

As someone who is OK being alone, you would think you might value my advice and maybe try to learn something. Or you could just do whatever you've been doing that seems to be working so well for you because look how happy and self-esteemy you sound! I'm out. Good luck with whatever.

The most important thing is that you have the desire to be in a romantic relationship, I know the prospect of starting conversations and going further into the physical aspect can seem intimidating but you will find that there are very compassionate and understanding people out there. Try and start an online profile on eHarmony or Match, you will be able to carry on conversations in your home through text messages at first which will give you time to think about what you would like to say and eventually if things go well you will meet in person and be comfortable with them because you have already gotten to know them for who they really are. If you get to a physical relationship, explain to that person you have never been in this situation before and you may be very surprised how empathetic they are towards you. It is true all that matters is your personality, romantic interests want to hang out with you because they enjoy talking with you just as platonic friends do.

I don't accept the prospect of being alone the rest of my life either, I don't think life has that much meaning other than family and the relationships you foster & maintain which can be platonic or romantic but relationships with other human beings being always being the most important. Hobbies are trivial, I wish I could get anything but momentarily fulfillment from things that interest me but it is more compulsion and a distraction. What other options are there however other than to keep plugging and work on your issues? Maybe medication will work one day, I do everything I am supposed to do, I imagine I'll eventually get to a place I want to be in life or I don't believe anybody is truly happy alone, they have some outlet somewhere.

Hoping for a relationship to make you feel OK about yourself is very dangerous. It leaves you open to being taken advantage of by someone abusive - or if you stay single, it traps you in unhappiness. Even if you find a great person who loves you, it won't make you like yourself. I've seen many people who wanted a partner to make them feel OK, and it doesn't work.

My advice is to work on being OK with yourself, not because someone else likes you but because you like you. This isn't an easy thing to do, I know. I'm not a psychologist, but here's a few suggestions:

What do you like to do? What are you good at? You don't need to tell me the answers, just figure them out for yourself. And then make a point of doing something that brings you pleasure every day.

Also, look for an online list of cognitive distortions, and when you feel down about yourself, check through that list to see if you're doing any of them.

Lastly, try to learn mindfulness. For example, try breathing slowly, while counting your breaths 1-2-3-4 and focusing on how your breath feels in your body. If you think about something else, don't get discouraged, just redirect attention back to your breath.

Men can't just be without physical affection, it will drive us crazy.

I used to think the exact same way. I was obsessed with the idea that I needed a significant other in order to feel truly happy, and I tried my hardest to defy the odds and get into a relationship. Alas, it didn't work. My efforts only made me hate myself more.

Eventually, I came to the realization that a romantic relationship wasn't the source of all happiness. It did take its time, but once it dawned on me that I was essentially looking for a relationship just for the sake of being in one, that stopped right in its tracks. In those times, talking to people helped a lot - mainly my mother and best friend.

If you want to take anything out of this, think of it as words of encouragement. You're not the only one who's going/gone through this. If there's someone you can talk to, definitely talk to them. You have nothing to lose by opening up about it to a person you trust.

Unless you are a Vulcan and you are approaching the age of Pan Far, this is not true.

You can get by just fine without physical affection. In fact, if you really think that sex and/or touch is the key factor in your sanity, you need to get some help before starting to date. That's not a healthy place from which to be starting a relationship. Doing so is called co-dependency and its a nasty disorder to deal with. Much better not to start with that at all.

If you are a Vulcan, pan far or no, I want to meet you. What a treat! Hanging out here on wrongplanet. Go figure.

Its really important to get over the things that movies, pop music, and TV tell you about relationships. They are lying. The people who write that stuff don't even believe it. They just write what sells and then they go on with their very normal lives. You are not going to die if you don't get the girl you want. If you suffer from depression, it is not going to be cured by a cute neighbor who you happen to bump into in the hallway. If you do have sex, you will not suddenly rediscover your will to live. There is no musical montage behind real life.

Don't get me wrong. Sex is great. It feels good. But its not the end all and be all. It doesn't change everything. It doesn't make you a man. It's just this thing our bodies do. Its over way too quickly, and there is way too little guidance about what you are supposed to do when its finished. Most people get up and pee. Yes, its nice to love and be loved. And there's a lot of meaning in that. And sex is often used to cement loving relationships. But in those cases, the love is already there. The sex doesn't create the relationship, its just one aspect of it.

That is not accurate in terms of psychology, there are a lot of articles about this subject in reputable publications like Psychology Today, I suggest you go do some research.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/th ... lling-life
New research contradicts the stereotype of single people as lonely and unhappy.
“Living single allows them to live their best, most authentic, and most meaningful life."

So get yourself a dog or cat or something warm and furry that likes cuddling too. Women are not the only possible source of the kind of touch that mammals need to be healthy--having a pet to care for decreases stress. It's been researched and shown in repeated studies that petting a cat or dog can literally lower your blood pressure and extend your lifespan. Plus having a pet can be good for you in other ways: for example, if you got a dog you could take him out daily for walks (which are also good for you), take him to the local park or dog park to meet and talk to other dog owners and maybe make a friend or two that way.

A romantic relationship is not the cure-all you think it will be. In fact, the more you rely on a significant other for your happiness, the less likely you are to find that kind of happiness because your neediness and desperation will scare healthy people who like themselves and aren't desperate on the same level away, and you will attract either people who are just as unhappy as you are or predators who are looking for vulnerable desperate guys to target for their scams or abuse.

An article about the perception of single people being lonely and articles about men being generally angry and irratable from lack of ohysical contact are two different things. All you have to know is that "Blue Ba**s" is obviously a real thing.

If blue balls were a real thing then masturbation should clear that problem right up by clearing out the pipes, so to speak.

It is, and sorry, sometimes I forget I'm talking to people without a lot of social or life experience in general.

You don't need much life experience to masturbate!