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Guitarsandcameras
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20 Sep 2016, 8:33 pm

Actually, I wrote her notes saying I loved her, made eye contact, watched movies and tried to compensate in any way that I could for social shortcomings. And I loved spending time with her... Just couldn't handle all the external socializing.



Last edited by Guitarsandcameras on 20 Sep 2016, 8:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.

somanyspoons
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20 Sep 2016, 8:36 pm

nurseangela wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Howdy. It's me, Miss NT.


Dude, if you don't want to know the truth then that is your business. I'm not afraid to say that I don't know everything about Aspergers and who better to get the information from than from someone who has it?

AND, it's people like you that give people with Aspergers a bad rap! You don't want to try to get people to understand each other - you are one of the ones that just wants to complain about how awful NT people are. BS! Take your crappy attitude somewhere else.

And another thing, you have no idea if I am even an NT - I could be an Aspie for all you know. That goes for anyone who has not been specifically diagnosed. So quit acting like you know every f'n thing. Now you pissed me off. It's none of your GD business why I am here - I could have Aspergers or a family member or friend could have Aspergers. It's none of your business!


One last thing before I sign off for the night. I called you NT because you called yourself "Miss NT." Call me crazy, but I believed you when you said you are NT. So either you are not autistic, you are lying when you call yourself Miss NT, or when you said NT you meant those initials to mean Not Terrestrial or New Tomatoes. Are you calling yourself New Tomatoes? Is this a thing now?

This is a site for people with autism. Like any group, if you want to play along, but don't belong to that group, you are expected to be respectful. Until the day if or when you own an identity as anything other than NT (And that's a wide net right there, full of options) you need to have some respect on OUR webpage. This little corner of the world - its ours, not your's. You don't get to have this.



somanyspoons
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20 Sep 2016, 8:44 pm

Guitarsandcameras wrote:
Actually, I wrote her notes saying I loved her, made eye contact, watched movies and tried to compensate in any way that I could for social shortcomings and other inadequacies.


I'm sorry I derailed your thread there. Of course you were good to her. I mean, not of course. But I would hope so. I hope it goes back to the original line of discussion. Flame wars are no good for anyone.

Its just a really sensitive topic to me right now. I've been dating too, and when to reveal my ASD status is a big deal to me. I feel like I have to let women know me first, so that they don't just assume I'm intellectually impaired. Not that there is anything wrong with that. But I've had people assume that before and it was really awkward and awful. They started talking to me really slow. I would say that they spoke to me like I was an idiot, but they were the one's looking like idiots. And so, it feels like "coming out" every time. Like I'm telling them I have a tail or something. And I never know how its going to be received because most people hear so many untrue things about autistic people. They have a lot of wrong conceptions to deal with.

On the other hand, its a pretty good test. If a woman is a good listener, and a fairly compassionate person, she won't jump to conclusions. She will ask questions and be open to exploring what that means. I have some good friends now. They are like that. I really like this about them.



Guitarsandcameras
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20 Sep 2016, 8:59 pm

Sounds like you are in a similar situation. I am not intellectually impaired either. When to tell them is what I've been trying to figure out. Don't want to be like hi I'm ____ and have ASD. But at some point they have to know.



somanyspoons
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20 Sep 2016, 9:21 pm

I have a first date set up for this Sunday. I really wish I was happily coupled so I could stop doing this! Often, I'm just fine being single. But every once in a while, I decide that I would like that special kind of companionship (yes, I mean sex) and I decide to give dating another shot. At least I meet some interesting women. I try to look at it like that. She doesn't know that I'm ND. Its not even a conversation we've had, so I don't know if she has any opinion. Who knows though. The last time I went on a date, it turned out that her son is autistic. But she was also too busy to date me. lol. The double edged sward. (Also, she is married. Its a long story...)



Guitarsandcameras
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20 Sep 2016, 9:26 pm

Well Good luck! I hope it works out for you. Yes, I'm okay being single sometimes but eventually the loneliness always gets to me. And yes, I like that special companionship as well.



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20 Sep 2016, 11:00 pm

somanyspoons wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
somanyspoons wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
somanyspoons wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Howdy. It's me, Miss NT. I told my ex-Aspie friend several times that if an Aspie guy is with an NT gal they have to learn the "needs" of NT women and this is the need of "connecting". NT women need to feel a "connection" and this is through spending time with them one on one either talking (which Aspie men hate) or watching a movie together or doing a hobby together - spending some togetherness together. NT women also like someone who listens (which usually requires eye contact and small talk which Aspie guys also don't like). We like to be asked how our day went by someone who really wants to know. We want to know that our Hunny has thought about us and this is by doing little things like maybe a cute text sent during the day or something as small as a "good morning" text or love note. We just need to know that our Hunny cares and this is a lot through gestures and body language (which Aspies have a hard time with). That is why Aspies have a hard time connecting with NT women - we have to feel a "connection" and if we don't then we will get very depressed. They say that NT women feel really alone in NT/Aspie relationships where it is an NT woman and an Aspie man. I once read a book of what NT women should expect from such a relationship called "22 things a woman should know when in a relationship with an Asperger man" or something like that, and it was very depressing. There definitely has to be work on both sides to make the relationship go well, but that doesn't mean it can't happen - I have known several NT/Aspie relationships that have went great as long as both sides know what they are dealing with and want the relationship to work.


This post is full of offensive generalizations about autstic people.

Who exactly hangs out on a forum for autistic people when they are not autistic. WTF?

Get out. You and your ablist BS aren't welcome here.


Dude, if you don't want to know the truth then that is your business. I'm not afraid to say that I don't know everything about Aspergers and who better to get the information from than from someone who has it?

AND, it's people like you that give people with Aspergers a bad rap! You don't want to try to get people to understand each other - you are one of the ones that just wants to complain about how awful NT people are. BS! Take your crappy attitude somewhere else.

And another thing, you have no idea if I am even an NT - I could be an Aspie for all you know. That goes for anyone who has not been specifically diagnosed. So quit acting like you know every f'n thing. Now you pissed me off. It's none of your GD business why I am here - I could have Aspergers or a family member or friend could have Aspergers. It's none of your business!

AND another thing - a guy who knows more about women than women do? Are you kidding me? Lord help us.


Actually, lol, it really isn't. You have no idea who you are talking to. ASSuptions all over the place.


Are you saying that you are one of the ones that are saying you are "male", but are actually a "female"? I don't make assumptions from things that are in black in white - I can't help if the source they are coming from isn't being completely honest.


So, if we don't agree with you, you question our manhood? Real nice.

I'm saying that you don't know me. You don't know my background. You don't know what you are saying, really, about any of this. Questioning a person's gender is a really low blow. I was afraid that I had rushed to assumptions before. But clearly not. What ARE you doing on this forum? Are you just here to feel superior to all the poor, poor broken autistic men?

Because let me tell you something, we are, as a whole, not broken. And yes, we have our bad moments. Everyone does. But there are a lot of good things that come with having a different perspective, as autisitc people do. And as we discover our sense of community, and start to speak for ourselves, BS assumptions like you post here will be less and less acceptable. We won't be silent much longer. Just wait. I really do believe it. The day when autistic people speak loudly enough that NTs can't ignore our voice is coming. I know that sounds melodramatic, but its the best I can say in the middle of this. NTs need to stop talking about us like we are all from the island of misfit toys. Because we aren't. We are your neighbors and your co-workers. And yes, we are your spouses sometimes, too. I know several good solid marriages with at least one autistic spouse. Its a thing. Part of how they do it is they don't stereotype eachother. They deal with one another as individuals.


No, I'll tell you something. I didn't even bother to read your entire post here because you are the one who came off as disrespectful not knowing me or why I'm here. You're little ASSumption comment made entirely no sense and yes I thought that what I said about your gender was what you were talking about because that has come up in the past. I don't just pull this stuff out of my ass.

I don't need to explain why I'm on this site to you. I like Aspies or else I wouldn't be here. However, I don't like you so this conversation between you and I is over. Like I said before, your attitude sucks so take it somewhere else away from me. Thank you very much.

PS: You are the one who started the little "flame war" - and I'm ending it.


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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


somanyspoons
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21 Sep 2016, 8:02 am

Guitarsandcameras wrote:
Well Good luck! I hope it works out for you. Yes, I'm okay being single sometimes but eventually the loneliness always gets to me. And yes, I like that special companionship as well.


Usually being single is pretty good! One thing I'm exploring in my dating life is to find someone who also has other things going on in her life - so there's not this pressure to create a relationship where we are everything to one another. Instead, looking for simple companionship on as regular of a basis as both our schedules allow. I'm hoping that this kind of arrangement will create more room to be good to one another. There's nothing written in stone that says that we have to follow this model that once we are a couple, we have to do everything together. We can define what works for us for ourselves. But I do think its important to communicate this clearly so that there are no misunderstandings/hurt feelings. Its only going to work if its mutually agreed upon. And if she "gets" me enough to really grok how loyal I am and how willing to give her what she needs if she makes that need clear.

I don't know how long this is going to last. We'll see. It has resulted in my dating more. But I haven't found anyone that I'm interested in pursuing more long term yet with this specific "search function" in my head.



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21 Sep 2016, 7:24 pm

nurseangela wrote:
... :cry: the "needs" of NT women and this is the need of "connecting". NT women need to feel a "connection" and this is through spending time with them one on one either talking (which Aspie men hate) or watching a movie together or doing a hobby together - spending some togetherness together. NT women also like someone who listens (which usually requires eye contact and small talk which Aspie guys also don't like). We like to be asked how our day went by someone who really wants to know. We want to know that our Hunny has thought about us and this is by doing little things like maybe a cute text sent during the day or something as small as a "good morning" text or love note. We just need to know that our Hunny cares and this is a lot through gestures and body language (which Aspies have a hard time with). .


I feel tired and smothered just reading this.



nurseangela
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21 Sep 2016, 7:36 pm

Dr.Pepper wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
... :cry: the "needs" of NT women and this is the need of "connecting". NT women need to feel a "connection" and this is through spending time with them one on one either talking (which Aspie men hate) or watching a movie together or doing a hobby together - spending some togetherness together. NT women also like someone who listens (which usually requires eye contact and small talk which Aspie guys also don't like). We like to be asked how our day went by someone who really wants to know. We want to know that our Hunny has thought about us and this is by doing little things like maybe a cute text sent during the day or something as small as a "good morning" text or love note. We just need to know that our Hunny cares and this is a lot through gestures and body language (which Aspies have a hard time with). .


I feel tired and smothered just reading this.


That's because you're Aspie. What I wrote here takes nothing. That's why if someone thought that was too much, don't go out with NT women. I'm considered "low maintenance".


_________________
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I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


Dr.Pepper
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21 Sep 2016, 7:39 pm

nurseangela wrote:
PS: You are the one who started the little "flame war" - and I'm ending it.


Oh good, it's over.



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21 Sep 2016, 7:41 pm

nurseangela wrote:
Dr.Pepper wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
... :cry: the "needs" of NT women and this is the need of "connecting". NT women need to feel a "connection" and this is through spending time with them one on one either talking (which Aspie men hate) or watching a movie together or doing a hobby together - spending some togetherness together. NT women also like someone who listens (which usually requires eye contact and small talk which Aspie guys also don't like). We like to be asked how our day went by someone who really wants to know. We want to know that our Hunny has thought about us and this is by doing little things like maybe a cute text sent during the day or something as small as a "good morning" text or love note. We just need to know that our Hunny cares and this is a lot through gestures and body language (which Aspies have a hard time with). .


I feel tired and smothered just reading this.


That's because you're Aspie. What I wrote here takes nothing. That's why if someone thought that was too much, don't go out with NT women. I'm considered "low maintenance".


I'm a woman and I don't date women. I find you overdramatic and crazy making. Please go away.



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21 Sep 2016, 7:42 pm

nurseangela Was just speaking her mind. I don't find anything that she said offensive.


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21 Sep 2016, 7:58 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
nurseangela Was just speaking her mind. I don't find anything that she said offensive.


Thank you, Mr. CR. I'm tired of being seen as "crazy" and "offensive". I thought that Aspies want directness and truth and when some of them get it, it is too much for them. Do they not want to hear the truth? I listen to what they have to say, but I don't seem to get the same respect. Take my information or not, I don't care. I'm not here for your benefit anyway. I'm here for those people that I feel I can help and the ones who want to hear from me. There are plenty of people here that don't mind me being here and who have helped me understand Aspergers a lot.

Miss Dr. Pepper, don't address me again and expect an answer. You are the rude and offensive one.


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


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21 Sep 2016, 8:05 pm

somanyspoons wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
somanyspoons wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Howdy. It's me, Miss NT. I told my ex-Aspie friend several times that if an Aspie guy is with an NT gal they have to learn the "needs" of NT women and this is the need of "connecting". NT women need to feel a "connection" and this is through spending time with them one on one either talking (which Aspie men hate) or watching a movie together or doing a hobby together - spending some togetherness together. NT women also like someone who listens (which usually requires eye contact and small talk which Aspie guys also don't like). We like to be asked how our day went by someone who really wants to know. We want to know that our Hunny has thought about us and this is by doing little things like maybe a cute text sent during the day or something as small as a "good morning" text or love note. We just need to know that our Hunny cares and this is a lot through gestures and body language (which Aspies have a hard time with). That is why Aspies have a hard time connecting with NT women - we have to feel a "connection" and if we don't then we will get very depressed. They say that NT women feel really alone in NT/Aspie relationships where it is an NT woman and an Aspie man. I once read a book of what NT women should expect from such a relationship called "22 things a woman should know when in a relationship with an Asperger man" or something like that, and it was very depressing. There definitely has to be work on both sides to make the relationship go well, but that doesn't mean it can't happen - I have known several NT/Aspie relationships that have went great as long as both sides know what they are dealing with and want the relationship to work.


This post is full of offensive generalizations about autstic people.

Who exactly hangs out on a forum for autistic people when they are not autistic. WTF?

Get out. You and your ablist BS aren't welcome here.


Dude, if you don't want to know the truth then that is your business. I'm not afraid to say that I don't know everything about Aspergers and who better to get the information from than from someone who has it?

AND, it's people like you that give people with Aspergers a bad rap! You don't want to try to get people to understand each other - you are one of the ones that just wants to complain about how awful NT people are. BS! Take your crappy attitude somewhere else.

And another thing, you have no idea if I am even an NT - I could be an Aspie for all you know. That goes for anyone who has not been specifically diagnosed. So quit acting like you know every f'n thing. Now you pissed me off. It's none of your GD business why I am here - I could have Aspergers or a family member or friend could have Aspergers. It's none of your business!

AND another thing - a guy who knows more about women than women do? Are you kidding me? Lord help us.


Actually, lol, it really isn't. You have no idea who you are talking to. ASSuptions all over the place.

Like you do either. You make just as much generalizations. Like Patronizing me for being 12 years. Old I mean it kinda hypocritical to call someone out for the same thing that you do.


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21 Sep 2016, 8:13 pm

There is no reason to be openly hostile to, nurseangela. This isn't just for Autistic people either.. So many spoons Needs to Check himself before he wrecks himself. If you don't mind 80's slang. I think that Hostility is pointless it doesn't help our cause. How does not accepting NTs for who they are help us when we want them to accept us. I think nurseangela, plays a perfect role. This forum would be boring without someone to interpret their point of view allisticly would it not.


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ever changing evolving and growing
I am pieplup i have level 3 autism and a number of severe mental illnesses. I am rarely active on here anymore.
I run a discord for moderate-severely autistic people if anyone would like to join. You can also contact me on discord @Pieplup or by email at [email protected]