Question About Burnouts To Adults With ASD

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I am trying to recover from one now but have had 4 in my life - including childhood.

One of my early adult burnouts lead to my late diagnosis. Doctor believes it has a lot to do with stress and having too much on my plate, being too (artificially) social, and a bit of a crash in self-esteem when failing to blend into a new atmosphere. I am a chameleon woman and not being able to hide when I need to has caused me a bunch of stress. I am trying to let go of my need to hide - and love my strange but normally I do not let this show at work.

1.How many have you had? - 4
2.When was your first? - I was 11
3.Did you know what was wrong with you while burning out? - Only the last one.
3.Did you have regression like symptoms? - yes. Most recently I have had a hard time eating foods because of sensory troubles. I was eating EVERYTHING before that.
4.How long did it take to regain what you lost if you did lose something? still working on it.
5.Can you pinpoint the reason for burnout? Normally self esteem has an impact, stress,having too much on my plate, feeling inadequate.
6.Did you have any treatment for it? Meditation, yoga, art, writing, music. Healthy special interests help.
7.Did suicide ever enter your mind? Only when I was a child and teenager... but I often think about how I wanted to die back then and hate that burnouts will probably always be in my life.
8.Has having a burnout permanently changed you in any way? Only the burnout that led me to being diagnosed.

I actually wrote about this on my blog not too long ago.

Let me know if the link is not ok - just trying to help.

https://anonymouslyautistic.net/2016/01 ... c-burnout/

1.How many have you had?
1.

2.When was your first?
I was 19 years old, fighting hard to have my diploma. I studied about 60 hours a week but couldn't raise my grades no matter how hard I worked.

3.Did you know what was wrong with you while burning out?
Yes. The answer was obvious. But I didn't want to give up.

3.Did you have regression like symptoms?
I don't know. I wasn't diagnosed yet.

4.How long did it take to regain what you lost if you did lose something?
I'm not sure if I lost something. From my memories, it's quite possible that my capacities to memorize decreased but if they did, I never totally recovered from that. Not sure if that's the burnout, my treatments or both.

5.Can you pinpoint the reason for burnout?
Mental exhaustion, trying to improve bad grades that couldn't improve no matter how hard I worked.

6.Did you have any treatment for it?
Yes, sleeping pills because at some point I totally lost sleep. After 4 days without even feeling sleepy, I had to see a doctor.

7.Did suicide ever enter your mind?
Not at the time. Actually, I was so obsessed with my grades that I didn't even consider the idea. My only thoughts and schedule : studying, eating, taking a shower, sleeping (barely).

8.Has having a burnout permantly changed you in any way?
Yes, it made me much more pessimistic about my chances of success at work. I was very ambitious, energetic and hard-working before, and for the first time in my life I felt weak and like a failure. It went even worse when my grades dropped even more and I was diagnosed a year later, which was the worst, my world was falling apart and I had to say goodbye to my dream job.
I also gave up on my favourite interest, because my dream job was related to it so it was too painful to practice it. It still is. I've never stopped loving it but it has always kept that bittersweet aftertaste.

I'm 34 and I don't actually know how many burn outs I've had.

1.How many have you had?
Not sure

2.When was your first?
Probably year 7. I remember crying myself to sleep every night. I hated school. The other girls didn't like me and I didn't know why.

As an adult the first was with my first job. I was in an office full of older women and couldn't understand or fit into the dynamic. I just knew it wasn't working, but I didn't know why. I lost my first and only boyfriend at that point too and couldnt cope with the rejection. He was my only friend and I had nothing.

3.Did you know what was wrong with you while burning out?
No, at the time I didn't. Now I recognise the spiralling out of control feeling.

3.Did you have regression like symptoms?
I go incommunicado. I just shut down and can't talk to people. I can't concentrate which exacerbates the problems I already have. I have meltdowns more and start throwing things and hand flapping and overly gesturing and repeating phrases over and over.

4.How long did it take to regain what you lost if you did lose something?
I don't know. I feel like I'm never going to get back onto an even keel at the moment. I usually have to do something drastic to change my routine like move house or change job. It's like I need to reboot my life and start again.

5.Can you pinpoint the reason for burnout?
I understand better now I'm older. It's always to do with feeling outside of the social dynamic and feeling like I don't understand what I'm meant to do to fit in or if I feel like I don't understand what I'm meant to do in my job. I imagine I'm doing everything wrong and that people are laughing at me and that they think I'm stupid.

6.Did you have any treatment for it?
I've been on antidepressants. Fluoxitine. This time I haven't. I've been going for massages to de-stress and going for long walks in the countryside.

7.Did suicide ever enter your mind?
Yes, the lack of sleep and the anxiety drive me crazy. I get to the point where i just want the pain to end. The pain is mental and then the more stressed I get, the more physical pain I get and it becomes difficult to bear.

8.Has having a burnout permantly changed you in any way?
I am more reticent. I'm actually quite outgoing and I like people, but I always think I'm doing the wrong thing, I have no self confidence anymore.

I've had three severe burn outs over a ten year period, the third led to me initiating a process toward a diagnosis and it was confirmed that autism was the major cog behind the scenes, I had explored many forms and shapes in therapy in the years between, some were accurate, others were not but I'd never contemplated autism until I had covered a lot of territory to reach that shore. I will probably answer the questions at a later point as it's quite strenuous to detail them right now, I just wanted to add another response highlighting the harsh reality of autistic burning out being very possible if your capacity to cope has been exceeded, it cost me a lot of time and opportunities.

1.How many have you had?
I think I've had 4 or 5.

2.When was your first?
When I started college at 17 I studied English, Maths, French,German and Art. It was a lot of work (typically students only took 3 or 4 classes) so a month in I was advised to drop out of one subject. My parents made me drop Art, my passion, in favour of maths, which they thought would look better on my Oxbridge application. I had to go to the timetabling office and fill in a form to opt out of Art. The moment I walked out of that office I burst into tears, then I was numb and mentally absent for months, if not years. Art was my creative outlet and how I made sense of the world; I was emotionally exhausted from losing that processing tool.

3.Did you know what was wrong with you while burning out?
I didn't have my diagnosis then but I can see now that's what it was. At the time I didn't have my own computer so I couldn't look up my symptoms in privacy. I just went around not knowing what was wrong with me.

3.Did you have regression like symptoms?
I didn't speak to anybody and I neglected all my commitments (friendships, academic goals). I would leave the house to go to college but rarely attended. I would walk all the way there, find it overwhelming, and then wander round the suburbs or the countryside all day feeling shattered and empty. I felt like my mind and body were disconnected, and every movement or action was a struggle. i.e. when I'm burnt out, lifting my arm is a very strange sensation; it feels slower and separate, the muscle feels weak and the connection between my mind and the motion is fragile, almost like my body is not my own.

4.How long did it take to regain what you lost if you did lose something?
Before this I was a straight A student with great attendance and a good record. I caused a lot of damage to my academic career with my burnout; my parents were contacted about my absence and I got into a lot of trouble with them, I totally failed maths because I never showed up, and I risked poorer grades in my other subjects. The following year I had to fast-track History (studying 2 years of work in 1 year) to make up for my poor grades, but I did it and I got back to being a straight A student. I was never the same inside though, just going through the motions.

5.Can you pinpoint the reason for burnout?
Yes, as outlined above, I lost the tool with which I process the world and the world very quickly became a hostile and alien place to me. I literally can't think without drawing; in school my books were full of doodles instead of notes! My teachers were annoyed at first but they let me do it after they saw my exam results - I was listening after all .
In a broader sense I get burnt out after severe emotional stress, which could be caused by anything but has included relationships, unexpected changes to my schedule, and academic pressures.

6.Did you have any treatment for it?
None, as I didn't know what it was, and I didn't know who/how I could ask for help.

7.Did suicide ever enter your mind?
Every single day. My life lost meaning and value.

8.Has having a burnout permantly changed you in any way?
Definitely. I have never felt the same about my parents, for a start, as what they did showed no respect or empathy for me. I lost connection to my school-friends during that time that were never rebuilt; they were there for me afterwards but I didn't feel the same around them. Ever since my first burnout I have been in a prolonged depression, I think because it was the first time my HFA symptoms became profoundly negative or out of my control; my 3rd burnout led to me finally getting a diagnosis.