Tocophobia and ASD

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I'm definitely very tocophobic. The thought of pregnancy is terrifying, even if it's someone else. In health class last year I had to learn about pregnancy, and I felt extremely upset and bothered all through the lessons.

When I was little, like maybe ten years old, I didn't know how women got pregnant. I thought they just hung out with a guy for a certain amount of time and that made them pregnant. So I developed this paranoia that I would become pregnant suddenly when I really don't want to, ever. I worried about it an irrational amount.

To me, pregnancy just sounds extremely uncomfortable. I don't want my body to change in any way. I'm afraid that if I somehow got pregnant, I would commit suicide out of pure terror before I even got a chance to think.

I don't understand how anyone can put up with pregnancy. It seems to me they must be extremely brave people. I don't understand how a pregnant person can be happy about the idea that they're going to give birth. To me, pregnancy would be the end of the world.

I do love kids, however, and I want to adopt someday.

Ana: sounds like you definitely have tocophobia. Would you mind if I included you under a pseudonym in my book as a case study? I am yet to have an example, other than myself, who has ASD. Can I ask you a few questions about your tocophobia? If so, just PM me asap. Thanks, I would greatly appreciate your help

Hi,

I don't know if I have tocophobia (had never heard this term before), but I definetely have strong feelings on these issues. My whole sex life was spoiled by the fear of getting pregnant or having to take care of a child. I'm a biologist and have knowledge of all things that can go wrong, but I suspect that my feelings go even deeper than that. It's like I belong to a different species, because I feel great with puppies (dogs, cats, any animal), but the idea of being pregnant sounds like a disease to me. (sorry if I say something that annoys you, not sure what words can trigger your phobia)

Just the pain alone women must endure in the process is understandably worrisome, much less what the future holds with our current technology or lack thereof when our resources dwindle and world population rises. Can't blame you for acquiring such a phobia.

I'm female and definitely have tokophobia. When I was around 10, I got my first sex-ed lesson in school; one of the strange childhood beliefs I had was that having a baby was something that was inevitable, so when I found out it was optional I was so, SO immensely relieved.

For me, there are a lot of facets to my phobia. Most obviously is the damage caused to the body, plus the possibility of death from complications. Since I'm a Bio student and a science enthusiast, I also can't help to see how the development of human children is similar to the development and behavior of a parasite within the body; ugh just writing that is giving me goosebumps.
Moving on to things more related to the mind, motherhood for me just looks and screams "enslavement". I'm still trying to figure this out as I can't pinpoint exactly what causes these feelings, but it's not just the physical aspect of pregnancy that scares and repulses me, it is also the entire aspect of motherhood itself.

Anything related to pregnancy, motherhood, etc. brings up a sense of absolute revulsion to the point of nausea; it also triggers a very intense feeling of fury. A lot of my friends are getting to the age of starting families (so far most of them unplanned). A good friend of mine had an unintentional pregnancy with a friend-with-benefits guy who bailed out. When her daughter was born, I crashed at her place a lot to help her out since none of the other people in our group would do it. I have a will of iron especially when it comes to doing things for friends I care about, so I grit my teeth and pulled through, but I don't think I would do it again. I felt sick and depressed the whole time I was helping out, and the baby itself repulsed me as well, although I obviously didn't say it outloud since it's considered socially inappropriate. Touching them, even the so called "baby smell" is enough to make me want to dip out. I also remember as a young child I didn't really like most other children, and while I liked playing house I got very angry when my playmates wanted to add babies to the pretend game.

When I explain these things to people (especially when I say I never want kids and I get the typical stupid response of "You'll change your mind~!") they look at me like I've grown another head. Maybe it is the people I'm around, but I cannot absolutely fathom the casual attitude people have to popping out a baby. The friend I mentioned earlier whom I helped out had to move further south to bumfudge nowhere because with a child and barely above minimum wage job they could not live here. I correspond with her via Facebook; her current state is living in poverty and she's very depressed, and her child is at the age where she is starting to have temper tantrums and acting out. My other friends with children put on the front of being happy and will encourage anyone who listens that having kids is the greatest thing ever. Yet their poor living states, stress, and deteriorating romantic relationships contradict that statement.

Well, this ended up becoming a wall text! Sorry about that, but as you can tell I am definitely very, very tokophobic. How it relates to my Aspie/Autist status? That is something which I never considered before, but will do now. Making a quick hypothesis, I think that the typical aspie/autist obliviousness towards social norms, combined with the fact that I try to analyze things in a logical manner ended up causing me to develop this aversion to a biological process which is very common in our society. I went through the steps thinking about it-having kids would be a waste of my time, money, bring nothing into my life, and have a negative effect on my emotional and physical well being. While I am aware of how prominent having a family in this society is now, as a kid I was in my own head a lot, and even when I did finally notice the trend I found it stupid and chose to ignore it and do my own thing Also I thank the heavens that I turned out to be a lesbian, since that's one thing I won't have to worry about during sex