At what age are you hit the hardest by ASD?

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I was bullied since 6. When I was 8, I'm just angry or sad every after classes. When I was 10, that's when anxiety started.

By the time I was 14, I start skipping classes without my parents' knowledge and it lasted for months. This was also when I tried sorts of coping mechanisms, and first time I tried 'acting'. I dropped the idea quickly and never got used to it.
Then stop going to school and stop going outside the house altogether after that school year.

I wasted 2 years because of anxiety and depression. But I'm glad it got better when I stopped 'caring' before I reached adulthood.



So... At 14. Until I was 17.

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When the demands build up and you have no idea what is wrong, for me that went on for a decade through adolescence so it just got worse and worse until I had no choice but to seek out some answers.

There were two points where I'd say I was hit hardest. The first was when I started college. The transition was very difficult but I managed to push through. However, there were quite a few aspects I just wasn't able to deal with and had to work around. For instance, I couldn't bring myself to eat at the dining hall. It also recently occurred to me that I spent five years in college and I don't think I made a single friend the whole time.

The second point where I was hit hard was around 30. I'd tried to live a "normal" life and meet "normal" expectations but encountered a lot of difficulty. I just couldn't understand how everyone else can hold a full time job for years on end, have relationships, social lives, etc. I had significant difficulty in most of these areas (and more). When I was working, I'd start to burn out after 6 months or so. I've yet to have a job last more than a year.

The real trouble came when I had to try and take care of some of my aging relatives. Despite the fact I wasn't really doing all that much, what they needed from me was very hard on me (mostly rides places). I've never been particularly comfortable driving and these circumstances made things so much more difficult for me. I tried to do it for as long as I could and probably longer than I should have but it eventually led to serious burnout, from which I still haven't really recovered.

At least now I'm starting to understand why I've run into these difficulties. At the time I didn't know why and just felt like a huge failure.

Making the transition from teenager to adult has been - and still is - immensely challenging for me. Though I was only diagnosed last year (I was 25 at the time of diagnosis), since the age of 16, I have found it rather difficult to be in social situations. This might sound somewhat absurd but I cannot honestly fathom what other people expect from me.

I asked my husband this.

He said late 40s. He was diagnosed at 50. This is also the male perspective. I'm sure it is different for ASD women.

Why? You lose the ability to fake it, and you don't want to fake it anymore. People cut you a little slack at 20 (just out of school), 30 (out of school and doing the date to mate thing) and 40s is when it all really changed for him.

He said people just are much less tolerate of Aspie behavior at 40+. Most people figure at 40, you should have your s**t together. You should have learned how to deal with rotten bosses and crap co workers. Spouses will white knuckle it out for 15+ odd years in an unhappy relationship, and pull the plug around 20 years. They figure you aren't "going to change"-*because you are a self center, unflexible mess and you have no desire to change. They don't want to tip toe around you anymore to avoid a flaming meltdown.* The relationship part describes almost all the 40+ men in my husband's Aspie support group. 6 men in various stages of their marriages melting down. The worse part is, the NT spouse gets support from friends and family. The Aspie may have a co worker that may help or a brother/sister/family member but those seem few and far between.

*a man in the support group said his spouse told the judge that statement during divorce proceedings. He was so horrified because he had no clue his spouse had been that unhappy.

My husband said it is a life time accumulation of trauma and BS that finally grinds you down. If you have totally burned out, your spouse and kids have fled, work is gone, your family of origin may or may not help, the support systems for single males blows chunks in the US. There are like NONE. Unless you are so can't function that you wind up in a group home or adult care situation.

Life can be hard with Aspergers at any age, but my husband said late 40s seems to be the age society washes their hands of you. You aren't a cute kid or the quirky promising teenager. You are an unemployed or under employed divorced guy, who is considered "weird" or mentally ill with minimal IRL supports. Hard to fund raise for that or get government to give a s**t.

That's his two cents on the matter.

7th grade was a living nightmare for me. I was constantly harrassed, called names and physically attacked.

For me the hardest thus far was the transition from school to university.
At school I never had friends and there were quite a few bullies in primary and middle school, but I was so used to it, it usually didn't bother me much.
When I was a child I also avoided planning for the future. Maybe because I basically knew it would be full of things I'd fail at or couldn't do. Now it's less easy to ignore that time progresses because these failures are happening right now and are not things that seem far away.
Years ago it was easier to ignore negative things - unless they happened right at that moment, especially if they were unexpected - because I spent a lot of time daydreaming. Like that I wasn't lonely in spite of never having any friends. I can't avoid living in the real world that much any more and daydrams feel more hollow and meaningless now.
In school I also tended to get good grades. It was easier to ignore my shortcomings because school is more forgiving of them than university. At school I at least was good at something - actually I was good at most things that didn't require socializing. Now I'm not doing well any more in any way or anything that matters.
The transition wasn't easy because I wasn't used to being a constant failure and that I had to adapt to a lot of new circumstances at once made me fail at everything at once.

Not sure if it is Asperger's or this is just a difficult age for people in general, but I found my teenage years the toughest. 15 and 16 were especially tough. It started to get between when I was around 17 and a half. I don't remember too much about those ages, just that they were tough and it felt like the universe was against me.

I know it may be different for some people, but I actually find high school more difficult than college or the workplace. Generally, people are nicer and less condescending than when you are in high school (elementary school is a whole different ballgame).