What are the psychological consequences of "passing" as NT?

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This thread and ones similar that come up on here on occasion are when Wrong Planet is at its most useful. These issues of masks, passing, burnout, depersonalization are the least understood by the outside world and often not understood by those of us going through them because you rarely if ever read about them outside of places like this. So it is a beautiful thing when people recognize this is what they are going through, it has a name(s), that there are others going through similar issues and feelings

Yes "burn out" - I can not believe you typed down what I already knew in the back of my head. I really feel I have been in the burnout stage at this point. I expended a CRAZY amount of energy on "passing" in my late teens and early 20's as well as trying to hide other things too. I wore a mask everyday and when I got to about 25 (last year) it really begin to crack.

That sounds a lot like a paradox. If I get an ASD Dx I have no idea how to be any different , I am the way I am due to 25 years of suffering.

I come across as Neurotypical without much of an effort- my Asperger's is very mild. It is frustrating, people have high expectations of me socially and when I don't meet those expectations I am judged/ostracised. People can be mean (if I let them away with it) and sometimes get short tempered with me.

Some of my family members think that my Autism diaognosis is a fallacy and have a very stubborn outlook towards how I should behave; they basically give me no space to be who I am.

Yeah, I've been there. At that point I was in too deep and just kept right on going. Hasn't happened again since, but I do fear it.



I don't see what a diagnosis has to do with it. I just made the choice in my early 20s to modify my behavior, come hell or high water. I looked at things (many of them characteristically autistic) that I didn't like about myself and set out to change them. Whether these things were "autistic" or not didn't matter to me. There were consequences later down the road, but I wasn't thinking about that and don't regret how I've changed.



I can absolutely relate to this.

The consequence may - in most cases - be a life as "insufficient" and maybe "personality-disordered" with depressions and very low self esteem.
Getting diagnosed at 60 liberated me to "be myself" and "forgive myself".
An earlier dx might have saved me a better life before.

It caused me to have a mental breakdown 18 years ago this past spring.

I've found that autism offers the same thing anyway.

Midlife crisis is not the word to describe Aspie Burnout. My last one crippled me and I will most likely never fully recover. I almost lost my life from it.

Just because it doesn't describe your personal experience doesn't mean it doesn't describe anyone's experience. People are individuals.

That is very true. I apologize if I offended you in any way. I did not mean to come off offensive at all. Please forgive me. I just did not want people to have the impression that Autism Burnout might not be as serious as it can sometimes be. When most people think of midlife crisis, the image that comes to mind is a middle aged person who reinvents himself by buying a Harley or getting a new relationship or working out or something like that. Many people, when they hear midlife crisis, they think of it relatively lightly and sometimes even comically. I just did not want people to think of Autistic Burnout with those kinds of associations. I know that everyone can have Burnout at different degrees and severity but most people don't realize that a real massive and severe burnout can be deadly and can be so serious that the person might not ever fully recover. They can lose basic skills permanently as well if it's bad enough or if they have too many to close together. And unlike a midlife crisis that tends to happen once in someone's life, Autistic Burnout can happen many times and the more it happens the worse it can get and the harder it is to recover and the more susceptible you are to having it happen more.

There are times as Aspies when we do have times that are much closer to midlife crises and we are able to kind of reinvent ourselves in some ways and go on with our lives. But in a true and severe burnout, it can become a do or die thing just to be able to do things like figure out how to eat or go to the bathroom and it can lead to internal organ damage and other things like that.

So I am sorry if my post was inappropriate or offensive in any way, but I wanted to express how serious and destructive and even potential deadly an Autistic Burnout can be and these are not ideas that people typically associate with the idea of a midlife crisis.

i just remembered another relevant term (concerning the "fear of being found out"): impostor syndrome

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome

I've been able to use my quirks both on and off stages. As I grew older it was easier to handle being off stage and off my regular gig.

Once when being introduced to the head of the DEA, I was called The Clown Prince of ____, when I worked a maximum cell block.
An inmate once told me of all the _____, I have met, you are the weirdest.

SWT - smile while typing.

Well its effects on me were social anxiety, several episodes of burnout, worse depression than normal, worse executive functioning at home, and crap memory.
I don't do that anymore. My health is more important than following the script of strangers.

I'm nearly 50 and can pass as NT really well for while. One problem with this is that when some AS behaviour leaks through, it stands out like a sore thumb and people notice it straight away.

This week, as well as the usual work stuff, I've had to deal with a blocked drain and the subsequent phone calls, two hours of small-talk with the drain engineer, making appointments for speech therapy for my wife, my bedroom curtain pole breaking, ordering a new car. Finally, after a bad food shopping experience last night, I had a minor (minor, because I could sense it approaching and took steps to minimise it) meltdown at home.

You can only pretend for so long before the wall comes tumbling down.

Mechanical and family health issues can both be triggers.

Actually life can. (Be a trigger)
My volunteering at the city union falmily center is great release
It is one if the few places I self reveal during my testimony /laugh program.

Celebrate recovery is also a place for transparency outlet. It's not for everyone but it helps me. It covers all hurts habits and hang ups. One of mine is food. (Emotional eating).