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Parent in denial about my autism?

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foxant
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14 Nov 2016, 11:41 am

i guess they must deny because of the fear of society judgment. Autists at least where i live, in the same level of low lifes, being called an autist is an extremely offensive here.


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xile123
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14 Nov 2016, 9:11 pm

ASPartOfMe wrote:
FandomConnection wrote:
Undiagnosed, but kept down in preschool for lack of social skills and motor coordination. Parents deny that I could possibly have ASD, but tell me that there's something wrong with me - I am cold-hearted/emotionless/selfish etc. I wish they'd stop berating my character and help me.


Dispite all the knowledge as you are seeing from this thread these attitudes are still all to common. I noticed you and another poster in this thread are from Australia. Both Australia and my country America have national traits that emphasize extroversion and rugged individualism. As most clearly seen in our election ultraconfident social people are more valued then quiet intellectual geek/nerd type of people.

In your case I would try and hang in there and try and get into university. Universities often have psychology departments that do assessments for thier students. Parental permission is usually not needed. Australian Wrong Planet members may be able to give better advice then I can.

I wish the best to all in this unfortunate situation.


So true....most European and Anglo cultures favor extreme extroversion way too heavily. People like us are just seen as defective. In some Eastern cultures eye contact isn't expected and can be seen as rude. Shy people are seen as polite and thoughtful. Born in the wrong place I guess, eh?



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16 Nov 2016, 5:26 am

xile123 wrote:
ASPartOfMe wrote:
FandomConnection wrote:
Undiagnosed, but kept down in preschool for lack of social skills and motor coordination. Parents deny that I could possibly have ASD, but tell me that there's something wrong with me - I am cold-hearted/emotionless/selfish etc. I wish they'd stop berating my character and help me.


Dispite all the knowledge as you are seeing from this thread these attitudes are still all to common. I noticed you and another poster in this thread are from Australia. Both Australia and my country America have national traits that emphasize extroversion and rugged individualism. As most clearly seen in our election ultraconfident social people are more valued then quiet intellectual geek/nerd type of people.

In your case I would try and hang in there and try and get into university. Universities often have psychology departments that do assessments for thier students. Parental permission is usually not needed. Australian Wrong Planet members may be able to give better advice then I can.

I wish the best to all in this unfortunate situation.


So true....most European and Anglo cultures favor extreme extroversion way too heavily. People like us are just seen as defective. In some Eastern cultures eye contact isn't expected and can be seen as rude. Shy people are seen as polite and thoughtful. Born in the wrong place I guess, eh?


I have had people say that my personality and method of behaviour would be suitable in Japan (I learn Japanese). :D


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FandomConnection
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16 Nov 2016, 5:29 am

ASPartOfMe wrote:
FandomConnection wrote:
Undiagnosed, but kept down in preschool for lack of social skills and motor coordination. Parents deny that I could possibly have ASD, but tell me that there's something wrong with me - I am cold-hearted/emotionless/selfish etc. I wish they'd stop berating my character and help me.


Dispite all the knowledge as you are seeing from this thread these attitudes are still all to common. I noticed you and another poster in this thread are from Australia. Both Australia and my country America have national traits that emphasize extroversion and rugged individualism. As most clearly seen in our election ultraconfident social people are more valued then quiet intellectual geek/nerd type of people.

In your case I would try and hang in there and try and get into university. Universities often have psychology departments that do assessments for thier students. Parental permission is usually not needed. Australian Wrong Planet members may be able to give better advice then I can.

I wish the best to all in this unfortunate situation.


Thank you for the advice. I intend to be assessed independently from my parents, and hopefully it would not require any input from them, or even them to know.


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I find it easiest to connect with people through the medium of fandoms, and enjoy the feeling of solidarity.
Too often, people say things they don't mean, and mean things they don't say.


hihowareyou
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16 Nov 2016, 12:54 pm

xile123 wrote:
hihowareyou wrote:
I would of been diagnosed as PDD-NOS at the time. I never was though. It turns out my family decided to completely neglect me for their own benefits...


Same happened to me. My aunt, (other) uncle and grandparents noticed I was delayed in speech and wouldn't respond to my name or play with toys appropriately. They even came to my mother and asked her what was wrong with me but of course my useless parents thought it'd be better to put me in a room for years and neglect me.


Yep! It was my sixth grade math teacher who had an autstic son who mentioned something to my mom. Even before that I think my 5th grade teacher noticed something similar. My mom just kinda laughed it off. In hindsight I think the teachers were truly trying to help.

My parents wanted no part of it. No extra help or anything. Instead I was the problem and I had to adjust to things that I couldn't handle or cope with.

They basically just checked to see if I was alive from 15-18.

...and yes, many years spent alone in a room.

*sigh



iCANTthinkOFaNAME
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16 Nov 2016, 1:14 pm

I'm in the process of being assessed, however I have a lot of autistic traits. My mum mentioned it, by saying I had a lot of traits and even doing a test as me. But now, she's saying she doesn't think I have it. She even said when I said she was in denial "well you don't want that label" pah! Now she's probably not gonna tell the assessor how I really am, or give excuses. :(



teksla
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16 Nov 2016, 3:27 pm

iCANTthinkOFaNAME wrote:
I'm in the process of being assessed, however I have a lot of autistic traits. My mum mentioned it, by saying I had a lot of traits and even doing a test as me. But now, she's saying she doesn't think I have it. She even said when I said she was in denial "well you don't want that label" pah! Now she's probably not gonna tell the assessor how I really am, or give excuses. :(

my mom is a lot like that. Even when i have the diagnosis the seems to think i just have "some" traits or a hint of asd. Even though I overheard her say to one of her close friends that she thinks i have Aspergers, and now when asd and aspergers are the same thing she doesnt seem to get it, whihc is annoying.
Especially when i am meeting someone new (like at a hospital, etc) and they need to know if i have any issues, she will say i just have a hint of Aspergers, (not that i have it or that i have ASD) without letting me talk first.


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xile123
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16 Nov 2016, 6:02 pm

hihowareyou wrote:
xile123 wrote:
hihowareyou wrote:
I would of been diagnosed as PDD-NOS at the time. I never was though. It turns out my family decided to completely neglect me for their own benefits...


Same happened to me. My aunt, (other) uncle and grandparents noticed I was delayed in speech and wouldn't respond to my name or play with toys appropriately. They even came to my mother and asked her what was wrong with me but of course my useless parents thought it'd be better to put me in a room for years and neglect me.


Yep! It was my sixth grade math teacher who had an autstic son who mentioned something to my mom. Even before that I think my 5th grade teacher noticed something similar. My mom just kinda laughed it off. In hindsight I think the teachers were truly trying to help.

My parents wanted no part of it. No extra help or anything. Instead I was the problem and I had to adjust to things that I couldn't handle or cope with.

They basically just checked to see if I was alive from 15-18.

...and yes, many years spent alone in a room.

*sigh


I can relate a lot to your story. I even had a grade reception (zero) teacher approach my mum and ask her to get me assessed (probably for developmental disorder) but my mother called her a b**ch and ignored her. It hurts a lot to think what I could've been like if I'd been helped from an early age, rather than being left to rot in a room by myself for many years and having to suffer abuse from my violent father while my coward mother does nothing.

And now the two scumbag low lives wonder why I have nothing to do with them now.



hihowareyou
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16 Nov 2016, 6:31 pm

xile123 wrote:
hihowareyou wrote:
xile123 wrote:
hihowareyou wrote:
I would of been diagnosed as PDD-NOS at the time. I never was though. It turns out my family decided to completely neglect me for their own benefits...


Same happened to me. My aunt, (other) uncle and grandparents noticed I was delayed in speech and wouldn't respond to my name or play with toys appropriately. They even came to my mother and asked her what was wrong with me but of course my useless parents thought it'd be better to put me in a room for years and neglect me.


Yep! It was my sixth grade math teacher who had an autstic son who mentioned something to my mom. Even before that I think my 5th grade teacher noticed something similar. My mom just kinda laughed it off. In hindsight I think the teachers were truly trying to help.

My parents wanted no part of it. No extra help or anything. Instead I was the problem and I had to adjust to things that I couldn't handle or cope with.

They basically just checked to see if I was alive from 15-18.

...and yes, many years spent alone in a room.

*sigh


I can relate a lot to your story. I even had a grade reception (zero) teacher approach my mum and ask her to get me assessed (probably for developmental disorder) but my mother called her a b**ch and ignored her. It hurts a lot to think what I could've been like if I'd been helped from an early age, rather than being left to rot in a room by myself for many years and having to suffer abuse from my violent father while my coward mother does nothing.

And now the two scumbag low lives wonder why I have nothing to do with them now.


Same thing with my dad. We had a pretty bad fight when I was 16 or 17 that made things unrecognizable.

They don't understand after all these years the damage they caused me emotionally.



xile123
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16 Nov 2016, 9:39 pm

hihowareyou wrote:
xile123 wrote:
hihowareyou wrote:
xile123 wrote:
hihowareyou wrote:
I would of been diagnosed as PDD-NOS at the time. I never was though. It turns out my family decided to completely neglect me for their own benefits...


Same happened to me. My aunt, (other) uncle and grandparents noticed I was delayed in speech and wouldn't respond to my name or play with toys appropriately. They even came to my mother and asked her what was wrong with me but of course my useless parents thought it'd be better to put me in a room for years and neglect me.


Yep! It was my sixth grade math teacher who had an autstic son who mentioned something to my mom. Even before that I think my 5th grade teacher noticed something similar. My mom just kinda laughed it off. In hindsight I think the teachers were truly trying to help.

My parents wanted no part of it. No extra help or anything. Instead I was the problem and I had to adjust to things that I couldn't handle or cope with.

They basically just checked to see if I was alive from 15-18.

...and yes, many years spent alone in a room.

*sigh


I can relate a lot to your story. I even had a grade reception (zero) teacher approach my mum and ask her to get me assessed (probably for developmental disorder) but my mother called her a b**ch and ignored her. It hurts a lot to think what I could've been like if I'd been helped from an early age, rather than being left to rot in a room by myself for many years and having to suffer abuse from my violent father while my coward mother does nothing.

And now the two scumbag low lives wonder why I have nothing to do with them now.


Same thing with my dad. We had a pretty bad fight when I was 16 or 17 that made things unrecognizable.

They don't understand after all these years the damage they caused me emotionally.



It's good to commiserate.



SnailHail
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17 Nov 2016, 7:30 pm

foxant wrote:
i guess they must deny because of the fear of society judgment. Autists at least where i live, in the same level of low lifes, being called an autist is an extremely offensive here.


They would also feel bad for not recognizing your struggle sooner. Also kids are pretty much an extension to a parent's ego and anything they perceive negative about them they take as a personal attack themselves. Tons of parents would have a problem with their kid being diagnosed for autism or a learning disorder but I bet none would have a problem if they're were diagnosed as a genius.



xile123
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17 Nov 2016, 8:54 pm

SnailHail wrote:
foxant wrote:
i guess they must deny because of the fear of society judgment. Autists at least where i live, in the same level of low lifes, being called an autist is an extremely offensive here.


They would also feel bad for not recognizing your struggle sooner. Also kids are pretty much an extension to a parent's ego and anything they perceive negative about them they take as a personal attack themselves. Tons of parents would have a problem with their kid being diagnosed for autism or a learning disorder but I bet none would have a problem if they're were diagnosed as a genius.



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TheArronaut
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17 Nov 2016, 10:24 pm

The kind of denial I face from my parents is where they've accepted that I have a new label, that I'm called autistic now; while having no idea how this translates to every day life, and no interest in learning. Nothing's changed, they still want me to do things I can't do, and get offended when I can't or won't. They still push past my boundaries. :roll:


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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 147 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 38 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)

Official Diagnosis: Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level 1, without accompanying intellectual impairment. Specific Learning Disorder, With Impairment in Mathematics (Dyscalculia)


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17 Nov 2016, 11:30 pm

TheArronaut wrote:
The kind of denial I face from my parents is where they've accepted that I have a new label, that I'm called autistic now; while having no idea how this translates to every day life, and no interest in learning. Nothing's changed, they still want me to do things I can't do, and get offended when I can't or won't. They still push past my boundaries. :roll:


That's how my mother is, though I've never thought of it as "denial" before.

So it seems that both of my parents are in denial after all.


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