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I would say I'm not really Aspergic

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firemonkey
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05 Dec 2016, 10:01 pm

the_phoenix wrote:
One time, I posted about losing
a gemstone from my
Vulcan sosona nome necklace ...
nobody responded so I deleted the thread.

I still haven't found the gemstone ...


Is that a Star Trek reference?



the_phoenix
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05 Dec 2016, 10:05 pm

firemonkey wrote:
the_phoenix wrote:
One time, I posted about losing
a gemstone from my
Vulcan sosona nome necklace ...
nobody responded so I deleted the thread.

I still haven't found the gemstone ...


Is that a Star Trek reference?


Yes it is. The "sosona nome" necklace represents in metal the soul of the Vulcan wearing the necklace.

Here's a photo of me wearing it.

Image

...



League_Girl
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06 Dec 2016, 2:23 am

firemonkey wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
If I make a thread, there are times when I don't get many responses, either.


I get what you are saying when it is pointed out. I have a problem with insecurity re belonging because I am not the kind of person who easily makes friends or solid connections with others. I get the feeling this is true of my online communications too.
I see lack of replies as I am unpopular ,which brings back memories of being ostracised as a child but especially as a teenager.



I feel the same way. I have no idea if I am being misunderstood so they are ignoring me thinking I have an agenda. As a child I was misunderstood and seen as bad by my peers and mean and rude and an idiot and stupid and ret*d and accused of being a show off and spoiled and called weird. Plus the school staff misunderstood me too so I was treated bad as a result of it. But sadly I have gotten similar treatment from other people on the spectrum so I have learned that they are no different than NTs and it doesn't mean they will understand me too or like me or not misunderstand me.

Plus online when I get a rude comment from someone, I just go through their post history to see if they have treated others that way so I won't take it personal and figure their comment was just random.


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underwater
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06 Dec 2016, 2:46 am

League_Girl wrote:
firemonkey wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
If I make a thread, there are times when I don't get many responses, either.


I get what you are saying when it is pointed out. I have a problem with insecurity re belonging because I am not the kind of person who easily makes friends or solid connections with others. I get the feeling this is true of my online communications too.
I see lack of replies as I am unpopular ,which brings back memories of being ostracised as a child but especially as a teenager.



I feel the same way. I have no idea if I am being misunderstood so they are ignoring me thinking I have an agenda. As a child I was misunderstood and seen as bad by my peers and mean and rude and an idiot and stupid and ret*d and accused of being a show off and spoiled and called weird. Plus the school staff misunderstood me too so I was treated bad as a result of it. But sadly I have gotten similar treatment from other people on the spectrum so I have learned that they are no different than NTs and it doesn't mean they will understand me too or like me or not misunderstand me.

Plus online when I get a rude comment from someone, I just go through their post history to see if they have treated others that way so I won't take it personal and figure their comment was just random.


I don't think this experience is at all unusual. I feel miserable when I post about something I'm struggling with and not a soul replies. But I do think patience solves a lot, and sometimes people are just in bed or at work.

One thing I do see, though, is when people make a post that is really a statement, not a question. Considering that a lot of people here have trouble initiating conversations, I imagine that a lot of them have no idea what to say. You have to give people some kind of starting point for a conversation.

Also, League Girl, I sometimes see your posts and just am not able to read it all. You are actually someone I sympathise with a lot, it's just that sometimes you make these text walls with a lot of details, and I'm lost. This is perhaps a bit blunt, but in your shoes I would want some feedback. I also assume that some people on this board don't reply to my posts beause they tend to be wordy, and not everybody can handle that, and that's understandable.

Somtimes it helps looking at what posts do get a lot of answers. I don't think it's just about popularity. It has to do with wording, topic, spending time on the boards, having common themes. I'm certain that the OP has things in common with others, it's more a question of finding out what that is and communicating it.


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auntblabby
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06 Dec 2016, 2:54 am

the_phoenix wrote:
firemonkey wrote:
the_phoenix wrote:
One time, I posted about losing a gemstone from my Vulcan sosona nome necklace ...nobody responded so I deleted the thread. I still haven't found the gemstone ...


Is that a Star Trek reference?

Yes it is. The "sosona nome" necklace represents in metal the soul of the Vulcan wearing the necklace. Here's a photo of me wearing it.
Image...

that is quite the costume. :wtg: with over 85k members here, it's impossible for me to see everybody and respond to everybody. I miss 99% of the posts here. my experience in this regard is not unique. I hope Firemonkey takes this to heart and is not taking the relative paucity of responses to many WP people's posts, personally. it surely is not intended in that way.



firemonkey
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06 Dec 2016, 7:23 am

underwater wrote:

One thing I do see, though, is when people make a post that is really a statement, not a question. Considering that a lot of people here have trouble initiating conversations, I imagine that a lot of them have no idea what to say. You have to give people some kind of starting point for a conversation.



I guess I can make quite a lot of statement posts and had not related the problem with initiating conversations to written as supposed to just spoken communication here.
There is a large part of me that expects a response to those statement posts if only for others to voice their opinion on the subject. It throws me when this doesn't happen.
I think that I must make a high number of posts across forums that many people don't know what to say in reply to.
Maybe it relates to struggling to connect with/get on the same wavelength as other people.

I do think it is sometimes/often hard to express a life experience couched as a statement as a question. Maybe there's a need to attach a question to the end of the post as an addenda but what to put- "Can anyone relate?" "What do you think?" " Thoughts welcomed" etc. What do you put to add the element of a question to what is a statement post?



ArielsSong
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06 Dec 2016, 7:52 am

firemonkey wrote:
underwater wrote:

One thing I do see, though, is when people make a post that is really a statement, not a question. Considering that a lot of people here have trouble initiating conversations, I imagine that a lot of them have no idea what to say. You have to give people some kind of starting point for a conversation.



I guess I can make quite a lot of statement posts and had not related the problem with initiating conversations to written as supposed to just spoken communication here.
There is a large part of me that expects a response to those statement posts if only for others to voice their opinion on the subject. It throws me when this doesn't happen.
I think that I must make a high number of posts across forums that many people don't know what to say in reply to.
Maybe it relates to struggling to connect with/get on the same wavelength as other people.

I do think it is sometimes/often hard to express a life experience couched as a statement as a question. Maybe there's a need to attach a question to the end of the post as an addenda but what to put- "Can anyone relate?" "What do you think?" " Thoughts welcomed" etc. What do you put to add the element of a question to what is a statement post?


I was about to come and comment with the same.

I see a lot of your threads, but they do all seem to be statements rather than discussion points. There's very rarely anything that seems to want or warrant a response.

I actually thought the same of this thread when I first saw it. I opened it, noticed it was a statement and left again. There didn't seem to be anything to reply to.

I just saw another of your posts, and decided to come back into this one and see if the discussion had gone anywhere.

I believe you've made some threads in the past that I've found interesting, but they've seemed like you're just getting something off your chest and not expecting any kind of feedback. I know some people just like to rant!



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06 Dec 2016, 7:55 am

firemonkey wrote:
underwater wrote:

One thing I do see, though, is when people make a post that is really a statement, not a question. Considering that a lot of people here have trouble initiating conversations, I imagine that a lot of them have no idea what to say. You have to give people some kind of starting point for a conversation.



I guess I can make quite a lot of statement posts and had not related the problem with initiating conversations to written as supposed to just spoken communication here.
There is a large part of me that expects a response to those statement posts if only for others to voice their opinion on the subject. It throws me when this doesn't happen.
I think that I must make a high number of posts across forums that many people don't know what to say in reply to.
Maybe it relates to struggling to connect with/get on the same wavelength as other people.

I do think it is sometimes/often hard to express a life experience couched as a statement as a question. Maybe there's a need to attach a question to the end of the post as an addenda but what to put- "Can anyone relate?" "What do you think?" " Thoughts welcomed" etc. What do you put to add the element of a question to what is a statement post?


I am not entirely sure what is the best way to go about it, but I do run into this problem a lot in real life. I make some sort of statement, and people either draw entirely different conclusions from it than I thought, or they don't get that it's an invitation to talk about some subject. I've always found it hard to ask questions of people.

I once had a huge fight with a guy who hated my guts because I used to do this. He was the sort of person who loved hearing the sound of his own voice, and he assumed I was the same. He got really jealous because I took attention away from him. He actually accused me of being self-centered because I would start statements with "I think" or "I believe". The reason I said that is that I don't like making sweeping statments, claiming my opinions to be facts. When I say that "I think" something, I mean to say: "This is my opinion, what is yours?" He didn't get that at all.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? I think you have to develop a strategy that works for you, maybe try different things and see how they pan out. And study the conversations of others that seems to be flowing more freely.


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firemonkey
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06 Dec 2016, 8:20 am

When people say they think I don't expect feedback they are completely wrong. I very much expect and want it. The lack of such makes me feel like I am being ostracised,persona non grata,not wanted.



ArielsSong
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06 Dec 2016, 8:42 am

firemonkey wrote:
When people say they think I don't expect feedback they are completely wrong. I very much expect and want it. The lack of such makes me feel like I am being ostracised,persona non grata,not wanted.


Personally, I'll bear this in mind for the future.



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06 Dec 2016, 8:53 am

firemonkey wrote:
...I don't connect with many who are here, judging by the relative lack of replies I get.
I thought I at least had Aspergic traits but the evidence would suggest I am wrong.


Aspergers is notable for it's inherent diversity of expression in individuals, a reality reflected in the saying "if you've met one person with aspergers, you've met one person with aspergers," but not connecting with many is one of the definitive characteristics of the syndrome. It's in the diagnostic criteria.

Lack of replies is a terrible metric for how much impact your posts are having. If you want to have many replies, post something about a conspiracy theory or something inflammatory about a current political trend or politician. You will get pages and pages of responses, but would that mean you are "connecting" with people? Not as I understand connection.

In general, it's probably a good idea to bear in mind that difficulties in social and emotional communication are a basic characteristic of many members of this site. If you want a certain kind of response, it's not a bad idea to ask for it specifically.

I often read posts here and start to reply, then second guess myself and finally delete the half written reply. It doesn't mean I did not read it or was not interested.


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06 Dec 2016, 5:27 pm

auntblabby wrote:
the_phoenix wrote:
firemonkey wrote:
the_phoenix wrote:
One time, I posted about losing a gemstone from my Vulcan sosona nome necklace ...nobody responded so I deleted the thread. I still haven't found the gemstone ...


Is that a Star Trek reference?

Yes it is. The "sosona nome" necklace represents in metal the soul of the Vulcan wearing the necklace. Here's a photo of me wearing it.
Image...

that is quite the costume. :wtg: with over 85k members here, it's impossible for me to see everybody and respond to everybody. I miss 99% of the posts here. my experience in this regard is not unique. I hope Firemonkey takes this to heart and is not taking the relative paucity of responses to many WP people's posts, personally. it surely is not intended in that way.


Thank you very much, auntblabby! :)

...



naturalplastic
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06 Dec 2016, 6:08 pm

auntblabby wrote:
the_phoenix wrote:
firemonkey wrote:
the_phoenix wrote:
One time, I posted about losing a gemstone from my Vulcan sosona nome necklace ...nobody responded so I deleted the thread. I still haven't found the gemstone ...


Is that a Star Trek reference?

Yes it is. The "sosona nome" necklace represents in metal the soul of the Vulcan wearing the necklace. Here's a photo of me wearing it.
Image...

that is quite the costume. :wtg: with over 85k members here, it's impossible for me to see everybody and respond to everybody. I miss 99% of the posts here. my experience in this regard is not unique. I hope Firemonkey takes this to heart and is not taking the relative paucity of responses to many WP people's posts, personally. it surely is not intended in that way.


:shameonyou:



You forgot to wish her to "live long and prosper"!



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06 Dec 2016, 11:45 pm

naturalplastic wrote:
:shameonyou: You forgot to wish her to "live long and prosper"!


oops :oops:



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07 Dec 2016, 12:42 am

firemonkey wrote:
Or at least I don't connect with many who are here, judging by the relative lack of replies I get.
I thought I at least had Aspergic traits but the evidence would suggest I am wrong.


Our minds are extremely complex. That is what makes us such smart, interesting creatures. However, this also means that there are a lot of opportunities for "errors". Two people with the same diagnosis can look very different on paper. We all have different interests, life experiences, personalities, ect.



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08 Dec 2016, 3:49 pm

firemonkey wrote:
Or at least I don't connect with many who are here, judging by the relative lack of replies I get.
I thought I at least had Aspergic traits but the evidence would suggest I am wrong.


Lack of replies?

You started that thread on the PPR that has nine pages of replies.

What are you talking about?