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jcfay
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14 Dec 2016, 10:54 am

the more i read it the more i find wrong in it. We don't lack empathy. We don't NOT have insight into our disease. I'm not sure most folks with suspected or diagnosed ASD are denying it either. God, it's full of nonsense.

I love this statement: "While there is an abundance of information and support available for people with AS..." - really? An "abundance" of support? Arrrggghhh. :roll:


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Dear_one
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14 Dec 2016, 11:05 am

It is one-sided. There was conflict in my marriage to an NT, but she was the violent one, and I have not recovered from it in two decades. I followed the Golden Rule throughout, which she found frustrating when trying to pick a fight and when she could not manipulate me into attacking people who reminded her of others she didn't like. She also destroyed my social network, eventually forcing me to move far away due to lingering malicious gossip. Another ex-wife of an aspie also set me up for a bad fall.



ASPartOfMe
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14 Dec 2016, 1:19 pm

The site creators engage in black and white thinking, fall into negative loops, and while saying empathy is the be all and end all show no empathy towered us.

People are critical in others what they hate in themselves. Instead of spending all this money on ABA for little kids the money should go to the site creators who need at least 40 hours a week of it.

I have engaged in amateur diagnosing based on circumstantial evidence. Just giving it right back at em.


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neurotypicalET
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14 Dec 2016, 2:47 pm

blackicmenace wrote:
neurotypicalET wrote:
I honestly believe I am emphatic... But even with that knowledge I still think an NT will have difficulties being in a relationship with me....like my one sided conversations, And even if she managed to talk I won't hear anything she says....my lack of romance, but I like to cuddle and give butterfly kisses though :scratch: ....but I think the worst part is my inability to "feel" love...I feel lust, admiration and infatuation but never love....


You've never been obsessed with a woman?
if love and obsession is the same...then I've just reasoned myself out from love.... :lol: yeah I once did for five years...but it was never stalkerish and it never became a relationship and after that I can no longer give myself fully to a woman....


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blackicmenace
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14 Dec 2016, 3:11 pm

neurotypicalET wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
neurotypicalET wrote:
I honestly believe I am emphatic... But even with that knowledge I still think an NT will have difficulties being in a relationship with me....like my one sided conversations, And even if she managed to talk I won't hear anything she says....my lack of romance, but I like to cuddle and give butterfly kisses though :scratch: ....but I think the worst part is my inability to "feel" love...I feel lust, admiration and infatuation but never love....


You've never been obsessed with a woman?
if love and obsession is the same...then I've just reasoned myself out from love.... :lol: yeah I once did for five years...but it was never stalkerish and it never became a relationship and after that I can no longer give myself fully to a woman....


Pretty frustrating when it's a one way street.


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bowtruckle
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14 Dec 2016, 4:30 pm

neurotypicalET wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
it needs to be said that at least for this aspie male, meeting another aspie as a mate, can be just as problematic, albeit for different reasons.
can you please give examples...if you don't mind?

to avoid public unpleasantness, I will PM you. :idea:



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14 Dec 2016, 4:39 pm

blackicmenace wrote:
I vaguely recall reading about a study done on how much people lie on average during a day and I was left in a state of shock that people would use such an illogical form of communication so readily. What is gained from a web of lies is beyond me. How does one form trust with deception? Seems silly.

sociopathic types [vastly undercounted in amuurica] don't necessarily want you to trust them so much as they'd rather you put them on a pedestal and/or feared them.



electricsaygeo
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14 Dec 2016, 4:58 pm

What a stupid website

"People with AS have no idea they lack empathy. Their disorder not only prevents them from having empathy, but from knowing they don’t. This is the reason they become so angry at any claim that they are empathy-deficient."

No, the reason I become angry at that claim is because it's completely f###ing untrue. I see how a person with AS might fail to pick up on someone's emotion due to lack of paying attention to body language/facial expression (this was the case for me sometimes) but that's not at all what empathy deficiency is...


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jcfay
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14 Dec 2016, 5:24 pm

I gotta say that I'm getting a great deal of joy and pleasure out of everyone's responses to this ridiculous website. At least this forum makes me feel better. :D


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blackicmenace
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14 Dec 2016, 6:30 pm

auntblabby wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
I vaguely recall reading about a study done on how much people lie on average during a day and I was left in a state of shock that people would use such an illogical form of communication so readily. What is gained from a web of lies is beyond me. How does one form trust with deception? Seems silly.

sociopathic types [vastly undercounted in amuurica] don't necessarily want you to trust them so much as they'd rather you put them on a pedestal and/or feared them.


I guess that does make sense if your goal is to suppress someone. Seems like an inefficient use of time and effort having to keep track of nonsensical garbage. This explains antisocial behavior that lack empathy, but what about those that don't suffer from that? People on average lie a lot!


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auntblabby
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15 Dec 2016, 1:40 am

blackicmenace wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
I vaguely recall reading about a study done on how much people lie on average during a day and I was left in a state of shock that people would use such an illogical form of communication so readily. What is gained from a web of lies is beyond me. How does one form trust with deception? Seems silly.

sociopathic types [vastly undercounted in amuurica] don't necessarily want you to trust them so much as they'd rather you put them on a pedestal and/or feared them.


I guess that does make sense if your goal is to suppress someone. Seems like an inefficient use of time and effort having to keep track of nonsensical garbage. This explains antisocial behavior that lack empathy, but what about those that don't suffer from that? People on average lie a lot!

am no expert, but I sense that a lot of sociopathic behavior is ultimately wasteful, a cost-no-object concealment of culpability, gainsaying and self-aggrandizement. I am guessing that sociopathy per se represents a spectrum, of mild to severe, and that many more folks than those that can be or are adjudged to have whatever type of antisocial personality disorder, have prominent sociopathic traits or at least dissocial traits. a lot of people will pathologically lie their way into a corner, but for the smarter ones that corner might as well be a million miles away.



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15 Dec 2016, 3:11 am

auntblabby wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
I vaguely recall reading about a study done on how much people lie on average during a day and I was left in a state of shock that people would use such an illogical form of communication so readily. What is gained from a web of lies is beyond me. How does one form trust with deception? Seems silly.

sociopathic types [vastly undercounted in amuurica] don't necessarily want you to trust them so much as they'd rather you put them on a pedestal and/or feared them.


I guess that does make sense if your goal is to suppress someone. Seems like an inefficient use of time and effort having to keep track of nonsensical garbage. This explains antisocial behavior that lack empathy, but what about those that don't suffer from that? People on average lie a lot!

am no expert, but I sense that a lot of sociopathic behavior is ultimately wasteful, a cost-no-object concealment of culpability, gainsaying and self-aggrandizement. I am guessing that sociopathy per se represents a spectrum, of mild to severe, and that many more folks than those that can be or are adjudged to have whatever type of antisocial personality disorder, have prominent sociopathic traits or at least dissocial traits. a lot of people will pathologically lie their way into a corner, but for the smarter ones that corner might as well be a million miles away.


I'm no expert either, but everything I've ever read supports what you say. It's certain traits, in large or small doses, that make up a complex picture. I've met some extremely unpleasant people who still manage to care for their kids. Who knows what their kids will grow up to be like? Yet they make an effort to take care of them, and I don't think it's just because society will condemn them if they don't.

One thing I've seen repeatedly is psychologists mentioning that the "intelligent psycopath" so beloved of pop culture is actually quite rare. Sociopathic traits is something that is more common with low intelligence, which is why so many of these guys end up in jail - because their planning ability is limited, along with their ability to distinguish right from wrong.

About the site mentioned: I didn't read it, because I don't want to fill my head with depressive crap, but I remember that a while ago someone posted an article about one woman's failed relationship with an aspie man. The fascinating thing was that she mentioned, in passing, that she was diagnosed with adhd. And adhd shares some communication problems with autism - although not at the same level. The funny thing is that she blamed all the miscommunication on his autism - yet did not even consider that her adhd might have been contributing at least a bit. Not everyone can be together, but at least they could talk to each other.

I really don't like these professional victims. I do get that it's hard to leave a confusing and/or abusive relationship - but listening to people who have never done anything wrong, ever, in their lives, is bloody exhausting. Black and white thinking, much?


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15 Dec 2016, 9:33 am

Ye gods.... what in the seven hells is WRONG with that person? I normally dont use the term "special snowflake", but holy crapsticks... if anyone ever deserved it, it's the creator of that site. Such effort and expense just to whine and get sympathy from others (instead of, oh, I dont know... FINDING A FREAKING SOLUTION).... I am, frankly, in awe. This is like some sort of Grandmaster Snowflake, if such a thing exists. Other special snowflakes would climb mountains to get the privilege of being tutored by this one.

.....Yes, I'm in a bad mood. But I think my general thoughts here still show regardless of sarcasm overload.


I mean, really... It's like watching yet another bully in highschool, tormenting those around them, except this time there's nothing I can do about it. And also they're an actual adult who should know better.

Ugh. Honestly though, it's people like this that make me as much of a misanthrope as I am. Every time I think people in general cant possibly sink any lower, someone like this shows up.



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15 Dec 2016, 9:53 am

Lunella,

I know people who are as you describe. They seem to be kind and empathetic, but are also easily hurt, insulted, offended, and the like and they are overly theatrical. These kind of people make you feel like absolute garbage. After their fit passes, they don't remember what happened, and look at you incredulously with deer in the headlight eyes. You remember every word, and it hurts.



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15 Dec 2016, 12:13 pm

I don't believe I can feel empathy. I can feel the inherent wrongness of actions but not people's feelings about it. Rather that is Emotional detachment or not can be argued.


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