Arguing with people

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Thanks everyone for your responses. It's given me a lot to think about

"It is impossible to prove your point to someone if their income or position depend upon believing the contrary"

One of the pioneers in aviation once faced an argument over the way he had rigged his new aeroplane. He had put a wire where someone else claimed a strut was needed. He got tired of the analysis, and took off. Unfortunately, he was wrong, and died on the spot. In cases like that, I'm tempted to perform a destructive test to make my point. If the matter is not urgent, I'll make a model.

Usually, I'm wasting my breath and my social standing if I argue when not asked. My wife had gone farther in school than I, and wouldn't listen to anything I said even on topics where independent study had made me a true expert. A great many people are in the grip of Dunning-Kruger syndrome, but when they get to the age of parents, assume the mantle of wisdom and just destroy anyone who dares to show them up. Many workplaces are mutual support groups to preserve self esteem in the face of incompetence. Other common ways to hit a wall are contradicting a religion or a political bias. A true scientist will be grateful for a correction, preferring to be right in the future even if it admits a past error, but in general, a new theory such as Continental Drift requires a new generation to grow up before it is accepted. Young minds are far easier to talk sense to, but they don't develop deep convictions for years.

I think that online discussion, particularly, in terms of religion and politics, can be very rhetorical and argumentative.

But, when it comes down to ordinary stuff, around the house and, say, in the cafeteria line, kindergarten manners should be enough.

For instance, you know hwo to wash your hands and keep them to yourself.

I don't think that moral adults can be "in trouble" or need to be fine tuned, like that pit crew, that has to fix cars, in the middle of a race.

People shouldn't have to be perfect, in order to be polite.

I used to think of manners as just being phony and following old rules. Now I think of them as handy guides on how to avoid making somebody's bad day worse, and maybe even better.
Answering "How are you?" with "Fine" can mean almost anything except "I'm in a major crisis and can't hide it." For amusement, you can mumble "Fairly suicidal, thanks!" in a nice cheery voice and nobody will bat an eye.

I have the same problem.

All of you people out there (in both real life, and on the Net) who think that you know everything... really piss off people like me....who really DO know everything!

My parents used to tell me all the time as a kid that when I grew up, I should be an attorney because I always seemed to want to argue. My dad said I could argue with a dead man.

I was once like that but then I realized that other people were just as knowledgeable as me and my ego wanted me to think I was a know-it-all. Other peoples egos are giving them the same message.

Whenever I'd do a great job of proving my point, my aspie mom would say "You ought to become a lawyer." If she'd ever added "you win - you have my permission now" I might have been encouraged to. Unfortunately, she thought her dignity was at stake, not lost already.