discomfort with people crying

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I mostly just freeze and can't say anything (my usual reaction to all things stressful) and sometimes have a feeling of like a flood of nervous sadness all over. If I catch myself there and try not to become overwhelmed, I try to comfort the person, pat on the shoulder, maybe ask some questions, maybe try to solve the problem if there is one. It's a disorientating experience, but I think I can deal with it just fine.

It makes me so very uncomfortable.

I know I should be concerned and caring when someone is crying, but I can't bring myself to genuinely feel sorry for that person. When it's someone close to me, however, it hurts me that they're hurt. Still, my body tenses up and I suddenly become very anxious, thinking twice about acting out every move people usually make to comfort other people because I don't know what would be right. Afterwards, I realize I haven't done anything except lingering beside them and maybe patting their backs, trying to say something consoling but never finishing the sentences or saying something meaningful. I try to comfort people not only because I care about them and don't want them to be sad, but also because I can't control their responses and I want them to stop. And that makes me feel like a terrible person.

And this is actually a huge improvement! When I was young I was taught I should 'treat others the way you would want to be treated'. So, when my friend cried, I simply walked away. In my mind, this was a very gracious act because I need to be alone without anyone watching me to calm down or take hold of my emotions. So I assumed that everyone was like that. I truly thought I was doing her a favour. It wasn't until later that I learned many people want hugs and empathy expressed verbally.

Most of the time if someone tries to comfort me when I'm crying it only gets worse. I don't know how the situation is with females. But the males I know most of the time don't want to cry in front of someone else. I guess they don't want to be comforted neither since most of the time they feel bad about the weakness( concious or subconcious) they show when crying. Atleast that is my experience. I think females however do want you to comfort them or am I wrong?

I used to think I must be such a cold person because I don't know what to do when someone cries. It even happened with my best friend! I thought I must not care about her.

It occurs to me now (as of this thread!) that maybe this is part of ASD.

Granted, my diagnosis is only a few months old, so maybe that's why all of the dots haven't connected yet. But sometimes, I amaze myself with how clueless I can be. I'm grateful for this thread, because here is yet another thing for which I can forgive myself, and yet another thing I can learn how to handle in a more supportive way.

Crying people make me uncomfortable as well. When I know them it makes me even more uncomfortable than crying strangers.
I don’t know how I should react to that and even though I know that people expect me to at least say something or show any sign of a compassionate reaction I just stand there and wait until it is finally over.
I can’t handle emotional people. The more emotional someone gets in front of me, the less I am able to understand them or know how to deal with them. So I usually just wait or let them be.
When I was younger I would often tell that person to stop that nonsense already when they cried because it made me uncomfortable and I didn’t want to be in an uncomfortable situation but I soon realised that this was not appropriate and made that person feel even more hurt and terrible, what has never been my intention.

Oh my god yes, crying people weird me right the *bleep* out. I want to tell them to stop that and it takes me a minute to stop wondering what is wrong with them that their eyeballs are leaking that way. One time a lady was crying in front of me and I shoved a box of kleenex at her... the kleenex box was wayyyyyy better equipped to deal with her than I will ever be... and as awful as this sounds, it probably cared way more than I ever would have. I do not try to be unsympathetic but I have a really hard time understanding why people get worked up and cry over some of the things they do. It seems an extreme reaction to me in many cases. I know it is not extreme to them, rather normal and maybe even healthy, but it's just not how I'm wired. *shrugs*