can meltdowns be addictive?

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I don't like losing control of my emotions either. It's unsettling, I dislike that part of me.

Definitely wouldn't recommend opioids to anyone. It's okay every now and then, but as soon as you make it a daily thing, you're in for the long haul. Luckey for me, I have kratom to take care of that problem.

MDMA made me stay up for a couple days and my pupils looked like black holes, I was worried I would get sucked in if I stared into the mirror too long.

I never had problems with sleep personally. Are you saying you didn't have any positive effect at the time? If so, were you taking antidepressants at the time? Because I once made the mistake of trying to do MDMA on antidepressants and it was a buzzkill. I was on Wellbutrin and risperdal at the time.

Wasn't on antidepressants, but I was on quetiapine 800mg at the time, which is an antipsychotic. I don't recall any kind of positive effects or euphoria. It made me more uninhibited and open socially, but not because it made me feel good. I don't remember enjoying it. It's hard to describe really

I've thought some more about this, and I realized that I also worry about accidentally turning a legitimate concern about melting down into a tool for manipulating people for my own convenience. Right? Manipulating others is almost an instinct for people, and just because I'm worse at it than an NT does not make me immune to that instinct; if anything, I think some aspies are more blind to their own manipulative tendencies because they also have a hard time perceiving it in themselves.

We do something, it works, we do it more. That's the way people function, unless and until we use our free will to intervene. I'd worry more about getting addicted to some reward for acting out or threatening to act out (even if it's meant as a legit warning), than I would worry about getting addicted to the meltdown itself.

A similar phenomenon happens with people who cry whenever challenged, fairly or unfairly. Who can say if they do it on purpose, but some people get consistently good results by having that reaction.

The first time I took it, I didn't roll very hard. I was pretty depressed at the time, just not in a great state of mind, but the next time I did it, I rolled like crazy and got the euphoria and extra sensitivity to touch along with being open socially. Skin becomes almost orgasmic to the touch. Also with the better stuff or more pure, you can get visual stimuli. I would also use vicks vapor rub in a mask to roll harder. I was also able to recall long repressed memories while on it, while having deep discussions.

I've read that it's currently pending approval for treatment of PTSD, and that its been used to treat PTSD in war veterans. I remember watching a documentary a few years ago that was about some unconventional therapists using it illegally for therapy sessions, so it totally makes sense with the repressed memory thing.

When I took the MDMA, it was in pill form. The first pill I took was a pink pill that had a stupid playboy bunny logo on it, which did nothing. I waited another half hour, then told someone else that I felt nothing, so then they offered me a blue pill with an alien logo on it. I then waited a couple hours and still felt nothing. When I complained that I still feel nothing, they told me, "look at your pupils," and so I looked, and thats when I noticed that it did have an effect. It was weird because I had no idea I looked high as f, but didn't feel high.