Anyone have learned behaviors they use in public?

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One that I have is a nod-and-smile combination when I pass someone in the hallway at work.

What I find odd is that sometimes I will pass someone and they'll greet me by name as they pass by. I'll answer with a "Hi"... If it's someone I know, that's fine. The odd part is when, afterward, I have t think "Okay, who *is* that???"

Probably most of my public face and behaviors are learned and practiced. Hunger from being jobless was pretty motivating. When I was about 17 and on my own, an old horseman coached me in how to act around co-workers and bosses. I don't know if he was AS. I think a lot of people that hang with animals have similar social problems. Anyway, he helped me a bunch. I think I might mess up more often than average, but I get along.

It's like learning a role for a play. you just learn to play another character.

I modeled a lot of sitcoms from TV and peeked into how they were being programed to react to each other and modeled my behaviour on the various types portrayed there.

I noticed the only people that were there consistently were were the walk ons, the 'extras' that were important to the characters in the drama, but were interchangeable and learned how to become that. I have flitted through life being an interesting interlude in someones else's life. I provide a spark of something in other people some times and I look forward to it happening. (Has any one else had this feeling/experience?

People that hire me that actually try to nurture my strengths let me also do any real work on my communication skills with others by myself. You see, I don't shirk from meeting other peoples eyes, I have the reverse aversion , I stare directly into other peoples' eyes until they are wriggling with social torture of being put on the spot by my 'true sight' (also known as that piercing Aspie Stare . ) I didn't know the social posture I had assumed was interpreted as incredibly arrogant and powerful and people were intimidated by me? (ol' sweet and tender ME!)

so now I nod and say just enough to interest them in me as a person, and let my resume speak for it'self, I remember to blink and look away from their eyes now and then and nod and dawdle sometimes on purely social situations, because if I pay for it in being uncomfortable for a while, in the long run, periodic communication with NTs making yourself mirror NTs as well as possible pays off big time in the long run.

A for names, please- give me a year or two to remember if you really care. I might remember a voice, but rarely a face and only occassionally a name.

I'm bad in that it always takes me a while to pull up a name. It's really bad when I'm talking to my boss, and can't remember the names of the people I'm talking about. I sometimes "pre-load" them-think through, or write down their names ahead of time.

Otherwise I think I look like a complete idiot when I can't instantly bring up the names of people I see every day! When I'm "on the spot" like that it makes it even harder, and I've accidentally called people by the wrong name several times, though I kind of laugh it off .

I'm really, really, really bad with a lot of foreign students we have here, as I can't even understand their names, let alone remember them or keep them straight. I like real obvious physical characteristics to tell people apart.

It took me forever to figure out that people don't really want to know how you're doing, and that the only "correct" response is "great, how about you?"

Yup. That seems common for us. That question still makes me uncomfortable, and I wish it was never used. I would probably need extensive practice with people who aren't going to be mean to me, and will work with me until I say the response right. I just mumble "fine" or "okay" and keep moving (or start talking about something else). I don't think that's exactly how you're supposed to deal with that, but it's better than describing how I am, which is what I used to do (until just a few years ago, actually).

I've memorised some socially polite things to say... I have also learnt to manipulate my naturally monotone-ish voice to have some emotion but most of the time it sounds fake to me.

I don't really bother with eye contact and simply rid myself by drawing/doodling or walking around because I'll otherwise stare at them or somewhere else. And I've learnt to slyly change the subject of the conversation to my obsessions, without having people think I'm trying to dominate it or something...

I rely upon choreographed cues. But, if the interaction deviates from the script (and invariably it does), then what? I cannot memorize social interaction since it follows no discernable pattern. Is there a manual for this, btw? NT's just cannot follow "the rules!" Just exhausting, on my part. I think my saying, "Wait, I did not practice for this" is not acceptable. I do not say this out loud, but at times I am thinking it......sigh.

Proper and casual greetings. Small Talk about recently noticed subjects and work. Simple stuff, but having meaning. Some of the most inane stuff NTs say is just plain... souless. Like some of the things my father says.> WHY!? Why say that? Whats with that drivel. When I talk, even if the meaning is minor, I like to have something deeper.

There's more i've learned, but I'm tired and can't think.

Still haven't figured out timing though.

Someone and in another thread posted about their "NT mask", what a cool phrase. I do this too, although my mask has some cracks in it. I know this because every now and again word will filter back to me that I am (fill in blank with synonym of "strange").

I have noticed since owning the concept of AS that if in a store or such I, as soon as human contact is imminent, put on a big jack o lantern smile. I now wonder what kind of expression I was wearing before that smile!

I really wonder now how I come across. I thought I was totally normal to people most of the time, but the person I talked to yesterday who deals with some people with AS was picking up on stuff instantly that I wasn't really aware of.

Thankfully I'm not COMPLETELY helpless with small talk, though I do often feel embarrassed afterwards because I didn't know what to say or I think I came across totally wrong.

I freaked out afterwards though when I got home. I'm not sure why. Nothing bad really happened. Just tired and hungry maybe. And I was really self conscious about trying to look at her, but I kind of screwed up anyway and didn't do it right. It felt like she was staring at me. Anyway, this has nothing to do with this thread really, I'm just babling.