NTs: obligations and emotional manipulation

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My older sister recently dealt with someone who had effectively created a smoke curtain persona, someone who appeared weak and fragile to draw others into her nasty little web of lies and passive aggressive behaviour. My sister is having to deal with multiple complaints from others who've also been on the receiving end of this schemer. The woman basically tried to manipulate my sister and use her position (she's a researcher and lecturer) to better her own prospects, academically. My sister is NT but has her own struggles with mental health - she didn't need this toxic individual latching on and attempting to emotionally blackmail her.
These kind of leeches appear in all walks of life and choose their victims based solely upon their humanity, i.e. a willingness to extend a helping hand, or see the good before the bad.

That is my situation. She does it in an ambiguos way. She mentions how much benefit I am getting from the situation, but I am doing something because she asked me.

and they feel manipulated when you don't give them what they want, incredible but true

Autistic people don't have the "social skill" of manipulating others.

Last edited by LaetiBlabla on 26 Mar 2017, 12:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The thing is, when an NT sees you give without expecting anything in return, the NT asks you and is generally not grateful. The NT, (especially manipulative and lazy ones) want to get advantage of your kindness and it is now like you say like an "obligation" for you to help them on a regular basis.

Don't help them unless they really deserve it.

Hide your kindness as they hide their laziness and their desire of power on you.

You said that your friend is telling you that you owe her a favor, so trying to convince you to do something on that basis, right? I usually can't stand that sort of tactic, there's rarely a good time or place for it.

That said, people are more likely to do something for you if you've helped them in the past, or do you disagree?

Eventually, if one person gives way more than they get, they might be upset and think things like, "I'm really not asking for much." That feeling might be justified. I get that this isn't your situation though, just part of the larger issue of obligations.



I'm very direct, so I hate when people expect me to read their minds too. I'm not good at that sort of mindreading either.

On the other hand, I believe there are some things that mean much more if someone does them for you before you ask. In general, I'm more likely to see someone as kind and generous if they do something nice for someone else without being asked, just because if someone asks directly, that might put the person on the spot. They could always say no, but it feels uncomfortable to refuse someone a reasonable request so it might just be easier to do it, whether they would've wanted to or not.

Not sure where your girlfriends' unspoken wishes fell on this continuum of meeting unspoken needs.

There are also ways to state a problem without asking, like, "I'd love to go to the concert, but I can't go because I don't have a ride home that night." Not sure if your girlfriends ever tried those?



I'm a little confused. Do you mean that people assume that others have the same needs that they do?