Feel anger towards society for treating us like garbage

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Unfortunately a lot of users here have Stockholm Syndrome as well.

See I was hoping to find another autistic POC on here because with me, I struggle with Asperger's everyday but what's just as bad is I worry about the color of my skin, having experienced subtle racism growing up and living in a mostly white town. I am basically a minority in two ways, so that makes me an even more minute minority to all the white autistics out there. I am also more upset about racism as well. I never really experienced poor treatment directly because I was autistic but people have still treated me poorly because of how I present myself

I actually feel OP's anger. I don't want to be the next Adam Lanza. There was even a kid that recorded videos of himself on YT, and he killed himself? I'm not sure if he's autistic too but my point is that yes, I do want to blow half the brains out of everyone I meet and yet if I told my therapist this, they would call the police, because screw confidentiality. I have to play nice and say "I wonder when I'll die or why God sent me here" instead of "Yes I want to kill myself tonight because life is a b***h and I hate living and i feel like I'm worthless and no one cares about me." It's stupid. Even my own mother treats me differently than my other siblings. For the first 10 years of my life she pretended that I was "normal". Then she gave up and got me diagnosed. She tells me everyday that I shouldn't worry about my Asperger's or that "you are more than Asperger's" in her mom voice yet at the same time I know she'll turn around and say stuff like "don't tiptoe on your feet like an autistic person" with such obvious disgust and/or fear or she'll drag me through the mud whenever I make one mistake. For example, she wanted me to get her bag for her from the garage. She described it as "two tone" bag (literally two tones) and and I misinterpreted it as a makeup bag (oops!). I bring her makeup bag in and when I come back home, she tells me she waited for me to come back home just so that she could correct me, which was a little dramatic, since her bag, wasn't that far way in her car. She then lectured me and said "What's wrong with you?" like she usually does while she shakes her head in disapproval. Another time she was pushing ADD on me and called me out for disagreeing with her because it's not normal that I didn't hear all her directions. She told me about how I remind her of some chick she works with and went on to say when I start working in the medical field, they would be yelling at me if I f*k up. It sure wasn't a self esteem booster. She would even go home crying when she saw me looking up at the sky and smiling during recess in elementary school. I feel like she's so scared that I'll become a drug addict or prostitute (and she said those same kinds of people exhibit my kind of behavior-oh overzealous religious mom) but then she and my religious dad will always blame it on demons and once i said I wanted to kill myself, They were literally just taunting me and saying I would go to hell. How can you help your own daughter love herself if at the same time you think I'm going to fail?

Even people at my school that don't know about my situation treat me differently. I always feel like people talk down to me and I don't know if it's because of how I carry myself socially but I trust very few people. I'm always worried people are saying sh*t about me, especially my roommates. I go to another therapist every other month and since it's mainly for me to get more prescriptions for my meds, I feel like I can't be as personal with as as with my other therapist and I wonder if both of them think I'm a hopeless case because lately I've been messing up in school, socially, at home, everywhere. My little sister doesn't think I can do anything. I used to think I was just a book geek. At this point I don't think I have any skills in anything. My grades have dropped, my parents are disappointed in me, my sisters think I'm a spoiled brat, and I want to bash my head through the wall. It's only when I listen to kpop that I am able to get away from the mental madness, as well as write in my diary. I feel like I don't have a purpose. Why did I have to wake up today? I'm not going to be finding the cure for cancer anytime soon. It sucks that it seems like God has put me on this earth to be miserable (Don't tell what I just said to my family, they would laugh in my face about how I seem like I do not believe in God anymore)

You have writing skills.

I hope the toxicity in your life starts to decrease and soon.

You're like 19 year old (and even around your age I had trouble fitting in with people in University and college. But my experience is that it gets WORSE with age. Not better). Is your theory of mind as an autistic person that impaired that you can't put yourself in the shoes of a chronically unemployed 31 year old man? Society literally sees us as disposable garbage. What good is a man in the eyes of society if he's not productive? You really think anyone wants to be my friend, let alone date me? lol. I've lost the desire for friendship ages ago. I just want someone to listen and understand (unfortunately therapy is not covered by our free health care here). The older you get, the harder it is to find a sympathetic ear.

80% of people with autism are male. Autism is often considered an "extreme male brain" disorder. That's not to say that there are no autistic women. They are just a minority.

The funny thing is if you express suicidal thoughts with your therapist, they are far less likely to report you to authorities than if you express homicidal thoughts. No one gives a s**t about the 100 autists who kill themselves for every autist who shoots up some place. The government would rather have us kill ourselves so that they don't have to give us welfare or pay for our treatment. But God forbid any of us are violent. Then we become a liability that they have to lock up. Because killing productive members of society is a no-no. Their lives matter. Autist lives do not matter to them.

I hear ISIS attacked London recently. Good riddance. I'm not Muslim but f**k this society. Our sick bullying society deserves ISIS.

I've never been treated in such manners. Maybe I'm just lucky. Are you saying that millions of innocent people deserve a terrorist group? No, what if that group targeted you and you specifically? Those innocent people died. Besides, don't act like you're so innocent. The word hatred only measures how much hate you have. Hatred and love need one another to survive. I'm a hateful person, you are too, everyone here is, everyone in the world is. How hateful everyone is, that's up for debate. Anyway, have a nice night.

You're like 15 years old. I have lived on his earth at least twice as long as you have... What do you know about the world? Once you enter the real world, maybe your perspectives will change. I was more optimistic when I was 15 too. And when I was your age, I was bullied relentlessly in high school.

Last edited by autistlivesmatter on 24 Mar 2017, 8:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That's ageist, I will not tolerate such bullying. Ageism is a serious crime.

But in all seriousness, you are right. But everyone has had different experiences. What is your life exactly like? Do you think you get bullied every day or less often?

And you're minimizing my experiences as an autistic person... Who has lived at least twice as long on this earth as you have. You haven't even applied for a job. And you're minimizing the lived experiences of a chronically unemployed thirty-something autistic adult who grew up in an era where we had a lot less resources and knowledge about autism.

I don't get bullied everyday because I have learned to retreat from society. When I re-enter society, neurotypicals mock me. Or they do so behind my back. And they mock me on internet forums.

Last edited by autistlivesmatter on 24 Mar 2017, 8:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Fine, I am sorry for minimising your experiences as an autistic person.

haha XD what the f**k?! what organization is that?

Gah, so many incorrect uses of "everyday" in this thread.

Autism Speaks I assume.

I feel anger toward society as well because they don't realize how badly they're treating us. I wish they noticed that we're just like the women, black, and LGBT people of the past who finally achieved their rights and whom people now champion. But those same people mock us.

I'm sorry you are in such a dark place in life right now, autisticlivesmatter. Though those of us on the spectrum are different, we are not devoid of the human need for love, friends, understanding, and inclusion. I think many of us here have felt similarly frustrated and upset at society as you do now, at various points in our lives, and those feelings, given that we are human, are understandable.

You might consider seeing if there are any groups for adults on the spectrum in your area or a reasonable distance from you. Most metropolitan areas have them these days, though they sometimes take some searching to find. They can be very helpful for people in your situation.

I hope you also realize, that the actions of those mass shooters you named (regardless of whether or not they were on the spectrum) was illogical, did not avenge or correct past wrongs (perceived or real) against those men, did not teach anyone a lesson who needed to learn one, and never helped any of us here...to the contrary the people who do those things only serve to stigmatize us more.

I think sometimes the world can be a bit much, especially for those of us on the spectrum, so I no longer try to deal with "the world" or "people in general". I just deal with individuals. If an individual is toxic to me, I can walk away. If an individual is beneficial to me, I can stay. It's a lot easier, gives me a lot more control over my environment, and I've found more friends and allies that way.

The 'extreme male brain' theory is not fact, and women are chronically under-diagnosed. There have been many theories put forward as to why this is the case:

http://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/gender.aspx

In the UK women are coming forward in droves for diagnosis. I was diagnosed last year at age 37 and am far from alone in that. We are not a minority, we have simply gone unrecognised.

As an Aspie of colour who is also from the north, I agree 100%. I was never totally oblivious to racism, but I still used to be relatively clueless until recent years so it's a damn shame I was dumb enough to believe all the lies about colour blindness. It also made me realize that white Aspies can be just as dismissive as white NT's when it comes to racism against minorities. There seems to be a stubborn refusal to acknowledge it which goes beyond mere ignorance, so I suppose the best thing to do is to reach out to other Aspies of colour who get it (or perhaps even more specifically your own race/ethnicity first since all minorities are discriminated against in different ways).

Since this is strictly an Aspie support forum, I guess we're left to fend for ourselves outside of Aspie issues. This is why I have developed more of a racial and ethnic identity than an Aspie one. If you aren't already familiar with the concept of intersectionality, I suggest you check it out. Oppression Olympics is another useful concept that can explain why liberals can overlook certain minorities over others. On the other hand, conservatives tend to do the exact opposite of this by pitting certain minorities against others in order to prove that racism as a systemic and societal issue is dead.