Anyone here hate themeselves?

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there are no "bad people", only threats to certain interests of certain groups at certain times. that may be what is meant by "bad" in some cases.

yes, and there are no "good people" either. and that makes me even more paranoid than i was before i came to that enlightening insight. conclusion. b/c when someone says someone is a "good person", that is just giving more weight to the "good" aspects of that person than the "bad" aspects. everyone has good and bad aspects. one aspect could be labelled "good" by some and "bad" by others. for example, when i told my sister that the high school counselor asked me certain questions, my sister told me "was she that nice to you?". but the reason why i told my sister what the counselor said, was b/c i felt like it was intrusive or none of the counselor's business. and i felt like the counselor was being judgmental, in that positive judgments imply the speaker's opinion is so important it warrants public broadcasting. the same way that negative judgments are judgmental.


i'm sorry you had to go through that....you certainly were/are not "bad" for having lived in that way. but as i said before, maybe they saw you as a threat to their beliefs?

yes, they did. but that does not mean that i did anything immoral, illegal, or otherwise bad.

yes, they saw me as a threat to their beliefs. some precious little "people" are so egocentric and arrogant that they truly believe that anything they do not like is a threat to their beliefs. even when i was crossdressing, that was a threat to their beliefs. does it follow i do not have a right to crossdress?

some dude at the bus stop screamed at me "go back to your country!". he told me i was "chinese, japanese, vietnamese", "homeless", "buddhist". and i was a bit surprised that that was in berkeley, california. so ethnically diverse. and surprised he was wearing a full tuxedo. and, indeed, maybe he saw me as a threat to his beliefs. but maybe his beliefs were wrong.



a difference may be made between "murder" and "kill", the former implying aggravated removal of another life with intent to do so, the latter not making any difference between accidental or deliberate causation of death. but this is certainly not concrete and is my own interpretation of a dynamic (blended) semantic split. english is full of such words, arguments and misleadings can happen.

connotation vs denotation. way too many idiots had the nerve to tell me "you got mad". b/c they truly believed that they were right, and that i had to passive aggressively tolerate anything they did or said, otherwise they told me "you got mad". they did not say you got annoyed. or you got angry. and then they use strong language for themselves. "did you get mad at dave when he refused to call you by your boy's name?". "refused to"? "refuse" sounds strong. "boy's name"? how about legal name? how about correct name? the speaker was biased in favor of dave, b/c she was married to him. among other reasons. but even her word choice showed her bias.

but everyone has biases. yes, i have biases too. and having biases is natural. having biases is not illegal or immoral.

you have to make decision based on incomplete evidence.

anyone that claims not to have biases or prejudices, is just so biased and prejudiced they do not know that they are biased and prejudices.

those vegans you mention are right only if one sees it with an economical eye: if you buy meat, you give your money to those who provide it and give financial incentive for them to keep doing so. maybe that is true even it you don't buy meat but merely accept it.

if you do not buy meat but merely accept it, someone else had to provide the financial incentive. on the other hand, when i was in high school and a vegetarian, my sister, her friend, and me went to a performance. they served an entire chicken to each customer. they did not have vegetarian options. so my sister told her friend that they would each eat one and a half chickens. and i ate their vegetable sides. okay, i still feel guilty. it was b/c of me, that they ate the additional chicken. so what if i did not pay for the chicken and i did not accept or eat the chicken? it was still my fault. as usual.


true. if someone kills someone else, then IMO those around the killer are totally justified in being suspicious and afraid around him. if there was intent/not accidental, there is reasonable suspicion in most cases that he will do it again.

i believe his former "good" deeds and actions are still valid, but i would wonder if he were doing it out of genuine concern and interest in what he does, or if it is a mere attempt to patch up his reputation....

yes, okay. but same thing with people that did not get rightfully or wrongfully convicted of manslaughter, murder first degree, or murder second degree. everyone does good or bad things. anyone might do anything, with any ulterior motive or hidden motivation. patching up someone's reputation is one selfish motivation someone might have.


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"I have a hard time accepting myself for who I am."
likewise. partly b/c i have only done minimum wage jobs. and got fired. partly b/c i ain't got no precious little "friends". and the ones that i had, had the nerve to dump me.

partly b/c i ain't good @ nothing. that is modesty. that is not humility.

bad @ socializing. no precious lil "friends". bad at school. flunked out structural engineering. bad at sports. bad at dealing with emotions. clinically depressed. bad at relaxing. bad at work.

on the other hand, what if i ain't good at anything, then what? i still have rights and emotions.


"I focus too much on what other people (mostly my peers) are doing, and I feel that they are doing much better than me, even if they're not."

yes, i compare myself to precious lil "people" a lot. it makes me feel morally inferior, discouraged, ashamed, and jealous.

i am chinese. my precious lil "parents" had the nerve to compare me to someone else's chinese daughter a lot. and the daughter was always more academically smart than me. but that was the chinese way. maybe they thought that would've motivated their children. (me). instead, it made me realize that unless i was as academically smart as some unattainable precious lil "person" then my precious lil "parents" would not accept, approve of, respect, or like me. so, instead, their statements had the contrapositive. opposite effect. in that i just gave up. if success was impossible, then why waste effort with trying to get improvement.



"But I don't know how to stop myself thinking this way. It sometimes gets to me so much, that I find it hard to concentrate on my own life."

when i avoid them, and just keep to myself, for a long time. it makes it easier to concentrate on my own life. but, of course, that technique has plenty of its own disadvantages. problems. cons. weaknesses. flaws.




I often feel stupid. I probably look stupid a lot of the time, especially when I get object-blindness. People get angry with me when this happens. They yell "it's right THERE in front of your nose!" Ugh! What an idiot I feel. When it happens to others (which it does occasionally), I be patient and just calmly point them to it then laugh it off.

yes, i often feel stupid too.

but, intelligence is not a moral choice or a crime. someone with a higher IQ score is not morally superior to me.

and what is smart and what is stupid is vague and subjective anyways.

but whatever. nobody is smart, at all times, in all ways. and what if they were, then what? they still have to put up with the usual challenges of living that everyone has to put up with. they could still get diseases, get raped, get framed for crimes. and et cetera.

I hated myself back when I was a wee confused aspie. Just know that you are only hating yourself because you want to hate yourself. There are outlets to take out your anger. I fight my punching bag and listen to extremely aggressive music when I start feeling hateful

I'm far from who I'd like to be, but I'd rather be me than anyone else (real anyways).

I used to. It's been a long, crazy road to this understanding and shaky acceptance of myself. Someday I may even like myself. But I definitely don't hate myself like I used to.

I wouldn't want to be anyone else, but I think everyone else is much better than I'll ever be, and it's hard for me to see why anyone would like me.

Some days are worse than others. I always compare myself to other people and wish I could be more like them, and then I feel worse about myself.

I hate myself for my anxiety, depression and poor self esteem.

I hate the fact I want to work but am afraid of work.
I hate the fact I want to be productive but I get easily overwhelmed and tired by stuff such as cleaning, walking or using public transportation.
I hate the fact I want to earn money but think any job I could possibly do is not worth any money - despite knowing there are people who earn money by doing their job so bad I could do it 100 times better.
I hate the fact I want to get help but can't explain whats going on to my therapist therefore I feel I am being misunderstood and bullied by her.
I hate the fact there are probably some drugs that could cure my depression and anxiety but I am too afraid to try them out because I can't stand side effects.
I hate the fact my neck hurts and my ears ring but I am too afraid and lazy(appointments early in the morning...) to see a doctor.
I hate the fact I have bad skin, bags under eyes and I am not getting enough sleep but I can't get myself to stop reading manga till 3AM every night.
I hate the fact I want to go to trips, shopping, events but can't force myself to go there alone.
I hate the fact that even if I have money I end up thinking everything is way too expensive and when I buy something I am thinking I wasted money.
I hate myself for wishing someone could help me but being afraid to ask for help/thinking I don't deserve help.

Apparently I am just bad, lazy person with no motivation and could change easily if I wanted.

I find it easy to help others. When I see someone having a problem I do everything I can to help and I end up happy. But when I am the one having a problem I feel like I am not allowed to ask for help because I am not worth it and if I do people will think I am a bother and my problems are just too much for them to deal with.

My mom constantly tells me she is tired of me asking her for help and dad is telling me I am lazy, selfish, manipulative and useless and yells at me when I ask for his help, saying stuff like "You are old enough to deal with it yourself!" and "Grow up already!".