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Touretter
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02 May 2017, 11:56 am

I myself from personal experience have learned to be selective about whom I disclose to . I made the mistake of revealing that I am on the spectrum to this one college student online , and she then later on , when i disagreed with an opinion she held about something , she proceeded to argue that I can't see the forest for the trees , then discounted my perspective by claiming that I am so stupid I don't realize how stupid I am , due to the Kruger Dunning effect . So I am now careful to be certain that I know the person especially well before I divulge such personal information , so as not to be belittled by an ad hominem .



NotaHero
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02 May 2017, 1:23 pm

I tried to be open about it recently (didn't even know anything about it when I was younger anyway), but just found I'm not comfortable bringing it up. I'm fine with it online and with a few where I know they will understand. With everyone else, I may use some guiding words and occasionally try to hint at what to expect from me, but feel it's best to let them draw there own conclusions.



RandomFox
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02 May 2017, 1:44 pm

Only to romantic partners, because sooner than later they start a conversation about me being strange, odd or "why are you not like other women I know?". My daughter also knows... at some point she said "you know you're not like other mums?", then told me what she meant exactly and we had a long chat about it.
Otherwise, I don't share this information with anybody unless they somehow figure me out and ask directly.



IKnowWhoIAmNow
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02 May 2017, 5:24 pm

Generally I am open about it everywhere. I use my autistic identity to advocate for autistic people, for example on social media and when the subject comes up socially. I work for an autism charity and, among other things, run its social media operations so I'm often the first point of contact for people seeking help; it can help that they know I'm one of "them" rather than a faceless bureaucrat. The same applies when I'm mentoring or supporting people.

Some people figure me out anyway, e.g., I have a lot of contact with educators and similar people via my role at the local astronomy club where we host schools, cub scouts, etc for visits to the observatory; they often recognise what I am. Sometimes the kids do.

So for me it is useful to be open. If I were job seeking in a non-autistic workplace I'd probably keep quiet about it, but since that ship has well and truly flown, it looks like I'm in for a career in the autism charity field. Never thought I'd be doing this 30 years ago :)


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ASPartOfMe
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02 May 2017, 6:01 pm

I like to tell people who with arrogance and certainty make wrong assumptions about us that I have almost 60 more years daily experience with autism than they do.


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liveandrew
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03 May 2017, 1:30 am

I was only officially diagnosed in January (unofficially by my son's clinical psych over 10 years ago) and immediately told my family and work colleagues. I was unsure how or even if I wanted to tell anyone else but a few weeks back I thought I'd use Autism Awareness Week as the excuse for a "coming out" Facebook post. Everyone who replied was very kind, loving and supportive and there was only one real problem - I got the date wrong for Autism Awareness Week and posted a week late :) There were a couple of people who I consider good friends who did not reply and just yesterday I messaged them with a subtle hint that I've been diagnosed. No reply yet but it doesn't look like they've been on FB for a few weeks.

My reasoning for all this was:
1) It would feel like I'm lying if I wasn't open about it.
2) I hoped it would explain some of my past behaviour.
3) If anyone has a problem with it, then I get to trim them from my list of apparent friends and simplify my life a little.

So, yes, I guess I am pretty open about it but it's not like I wear a t-shirt or anything.


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MarkJ
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03 May 2017, 3:22 am

I'm not as open but have told some people. I guess in a way it depends how safe you feel with someone, and if it could help with your interaction with them, or others who I know or think are similar. I don't just tell people unless there's a reason.



Biscuitman
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03 May 2017, 3:28 am

Nope. My boss and HR know but apart from that I am just the quiet unsocial guy in the corner that gets on with his job. I am on the mild end of the spectrum so can get away with it. I don't think people even suspect tbh. My family don't know, just my wife.



AspieUtah
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03 May 2017, 7:22 am

liveandrew wrote:
I was only officially diagnosed in January (unofficially by my son's clinical psych over 10 years ago) and immediately told my family and work colleagues. I was unsure how or even if I wanted to tell anyone else but a few weeks back I thought I'd use Autism Awareness Week as the excuse for a "coming out" Facebook post. Everyone who replied was very kind, loving and supportive and there was only one real problem - I got the date wrong for Autism Awareness Week and posted a week late :) There were a couple of people who I consider good friends who did not reply and just yesterday I messaged them with a subtle hint that I've been diagnosed. No reply yet but it doesn't look like they've been on FB for a few weeks.

My reasoning for all this was:
1) It would feel like I'm lying if I wasn't open about it.
2) I hoped it would explain some of my past behaviour.
3) If anyone has a problem with it, then I get to trim them from my list of apparent friends and simplify my life a little.

So, yes, I guess I am pretty open about it but it's not like I wear a t-shirt or anything.

You have all good reasons to be open about your autism. :)


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03 May 2017, 2:09 pm

I would say that I am fairly open about it and I don't try to hide my traits, but I don't tell people specifics unless I feel like they need to know. People at the college I go to know and I have told my close friends, but I don't like to tell people if I fear they are going to use it against me.


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Simon01
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03 May 2017, 4:09 pm

I'm in the process of getting tested and while not diagnosed, family and friends have pointed out how a lot of what I deal with fits with AS. So when I let people know about my situation, it's to let them know that I know that being around me is sometimes a challenge and that while the problems with social skills have been difficult for me at times, that I'm also doing what I can to better understand why I process things the way I do and figuring out ways to deal with the problems.

For the most part, friends get it, and those that have known me for years knew I was different but have been supportive, not knowing the "why?" of my sensory issues or staying focused on things, but they've still been very understanding.

My family seems to get it to a point but tends to focus on the negative aspects- trying to compare the more stereotypical things they've read about ASD, but I keep pointing out that when those issues have been a problem for me, it was never obvious all the time, and pointing out all the times I actually was trying to be focused, organized, and not always talking about my interests.

I'm letting the healthcare people I deal with know so they can better work with me, like what I've talked about in other postings, so they are able to help me better at clinic appointments by letting me be nonverbal so I don't have to force myself to interact or making less sense by talking fast.

Overall, the point I try to make with those I've told is that pursuing a diagnosis is to help me better understand what's really going on with me, and not to "finally" conform to what a few people think is "normal" :-)



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04 May 2017, 1:27 pm

StarTrekker wrote:
It's a good thing the people around me know about it, because I've had at least two meltdowns at work in the past month, and instead of getting weirded out or concerned by it, my friend was able to put me in a hold and calm me down, and my boss, who witnessed the most recent one, immediately started a conversation about finding me a safe place to go the next time I have an "episode", as she termed it. If they hadn't known about my autism, god knows what they would have thought was wrong with me. It could have turned out pretty badly.


That is awesome that your coworkers were so supportive, StarTrekker!

JakeASD wrote:
In terms of face-to-face conversations, I seldom speak to anyone outside of those who are in my family. But when such situations do arise, I am quite open about being autistic as it's rather obvious that I am different somehow. My formal diagnosis is high-functioning autism, not Asperger's, and I suspect I only just meet the criteria as communication in any medium is absurdly difficult for me. I have to use scripting in situations that require an enquiry, and I exhibit little to no empathy at all.

A large part of me would like to be hospitalised as I am reaching the stage where I no longer believe I can offer anything to society. Unfortunately I always appear rather calm and placid, yet in reality I am utterly miserable.

I believe my inability to process sound in an orthodox fashion is one of my biggest challenges in life. I never seem to remember anything anyone ever says to me.


This sounds all too familiar. I worry though that hospitalization would lead to me giving up my right to be treated like a human being.

Wolfram87 wrote:
Yes, I am. Unless people know they've met/spoken to an autistic person who defies their preconceptions, they'll keep believing in those same preconceptions.


Great logic, Wolfram87; I agree.

Wolfram87 wrote:
Well, open is not synonymous with aggressive and pushy. If there's a way to bring it up in a conversation, I might mention it, but I'll not go out of my way to do it. I'm not preching the Gospel according to Sperg. What I meant is that people can go about their lives believing they've never met an autistic person because they haven't met Rainman or Sheldon Cooper, and I think that's a net negative for everyone involved.


"The Gospel according to Sperg." :lol:

C2V wrote:
I have to be open about it in certain situations, such as work or study, because my autism affects this. I also have to be open about it in some medical situations, because it affects this (I am partially insensitive to pain, for example).
I don't have any friends but if people are going to be having a more-than-passing interaction with me I will be open about it if I judge them receptive, by way of explaining why I am this way and that I'm not being rude.


I understand, C2V; me too.


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Knofskia
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04 May 2017, 1:28 pm

IKnowWhoIAmNow wrote:
Generally I am open about it everywhere. I use my autistic identity to advocate for autistic people, for example on social media and when the subject comes up socially. I work for an autism charity and, among other things, run its social media operations so I'm often the first point of contact for people seeking help; it can help that they know I'm one of "them" rather than a faceless bureaucrat. The same applies when I'm mentoring or supporting people.

Some people figure me out anyway, e.g., I have a lot of contact with educators and similar people via my role at the local astronomy club where we host schools, cub scouts, etc for visits to the observatory; they often recognise what I am. Sometimes the kids do.

So for me it is useful to be open. If I were job seeking in a non-autistic workplace I'd probably keep quiet about it, but since that ship has well and truly flown, it looks like I'm in for a career in the autism charity field. Never thought I'd be doing this 30 years ago :)


That is awesome that you do that, IKnowWhoIAmNow.

ASPartOfMe wrote:
I like to tell people who with arrogance and certainty make wrong assumptions about us that I have almost 60 more years daily experience with autism than they do.


:lol:

liveandrew wrote:
I was only officially diagnosed in January (unofficially by my son's clinical psych over 10 years ago) and immediately told my family and work colleagues. I was unsure how or even if I wanted to tell anyone else but a few weeks back I thought I'd use Autism Awareness Week as the excuse for a "coming out" Facebook post. Everyone who replied was very kind, loving and supportive and there was only one real problem - I got the date wrong for Autism Awareness Week and posted a week late :) There were a couple of people who I consider good friends who did not reply and just yesterday I messaged them with a subtle hint that I've been diagnosed. No reply yet but it doesn't look like they've been on FB for a few weeks.

My reasoning for all this was:
1) It would feel like I'm lying if I wasn't open about it.
2) I hoped it would explain some of my past behaviour.
3) If anyone has a problem with it, then I get to trim them from my list of apparent friends and simplify my life a little.

So, yes, I guess I am pretty open about it but it's not like I wear a t-shirt or anything.


That is awesome that you did that, liveandrew, and that people were supportive. I agree with your reasoning.

I do not have a T-shirt but I do wear a button that says, "I have autism. Please have patience."

Simon01 wrote:
I'm in the process of getting tested and while not diagnosed, family and friends have pointed out how a lot of what I deal with fits with AS. So when I let people know about my situation, it's to let them know that I know that being around me is sometimes a challenge and that while the problems with social skills have been difficult for me at times, that I'm also doing what I can to better understand why I process things the way I do and figuring out ways to deal with the problems.

...

I'm letting the healthcare people I deal with know so they can better work with me, like what I've talked about in other postings, so they are able to help me better at clinic appointments by letting me be nonverbal so I don't have to force myself to interact or making less sense by talking fast.


I agree with your reasoning.That is awesome that the doctors have been supportive, Simon01.


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Diagnosed: Autism Spectrum Disorder, Auditory-Verbal Processing Speed Disorder, and Visual-Motor Processing Speed Disorder.

Weak Emerging Social Communicator (The Social Thinking-­Social Communication Profile by Michelle Garcia Winner, Pamela Crooke and Stephanie Madrigal)

"I am silently correcting your grammar." :lol:


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04 May 2017, 2:20 pm

Only if the other person brings up the subject. I am quirky enough to just be quirky for most people. They don't need a label

But if I'm getting to know someone new and they tell me that they are interested in autism, I tell them that I am too, and that tends to lead to why and then we both admit that we may be on the spectrum. That's the only instance where I would talk about it.

People with knowledge about autism tend to just work it out for themselves. I don't need to tell them.



Redxk
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04 May 2017, 8:11 pm

Perhaps ironically, my worst experiences telling people have always been with health care workers. For most of them it seems to be way outside their comfort zone.



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04 May 2017, 9:04 pm

A hard question to answer. I feel like I am going through major transitions, right about now. I was officially diagnosed with an ASD only last November. As an adult, you've already built up major 'beliefs' about oneself - and then for this to happen: I don't begrudge learning a hard truth, but it is still a very, very difficult thing to digest. I've read an awful amount about ASD since then - it's actually a bit frightening how many personal re-assessments I've gone through since then, but about being open... I absolutely hate lies. I can't bear them, and as my childhood best friend pointed out once, I'm extremely bad at creating them anyway. I have a really low tolerance for the sheer energy it takes to play-act, 24/7.
Last weekend, there was a belated Easter family gathering for me - I actually did what I wouldn't have dared to do not too long ago and just brought a book with me when I sat down with my Granddad and uncles in the living room. I knew I needed something 'safe' to concentrate on around the social occasion and just thought - screw it. Turned out wonderful. No one was bothered at all. I know it might seem rude to be immersed in a book when everyone else is talking together - but I am listening as well as reading! That was me being as open in a stressful situation as I can so far manage. ;)


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