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The Voice that says I'm fine and I don't really have ASC.

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DancingCorpse
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04 Jun 2017, 1:13 am

I wrestle with this almost every day, it took me many months to accept that I am autistic, I am not stubborn enough to reject such a qualified human's judgement but there's rarely a day that passes where I don't partially submerge back in the 'it's all an illusion so that you can believe you have a reason...' stinking prison cell, it's very odd to consider myself as an autistic and that I am a valid member of the human race with a disability which causes me great discomfort and difficulty, I have never stopped working upon my faults and flaws and sometimes I accept that I must give myself more leniency than I can spare due to having this condition, I doubt I will ever fully take possession of it and I guess in some ways I'm glad I was not diagnosed as a child as I've had to do a lot of soul searching to reveal the quality I could never name, and I have really had to map out my innards, basically ripping out piece after piece until I had nowhere to go but seek such a serious assessment. Even with the arduously unwinding route trailing out behind me in an unfading sprawl I find it absurd to have stamped above my eyebrows that autism is a reliable wrinkle, it's kind of like a mind****.



wrongcitizen
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04 Jun 2017, 6:39 am

JonnyDee wrote:
kicker wrote:

So you're a victim of your society?


Only to the degree that each and everyone is a victim and a conqueror at the same time and yes we are all alone and all together in this too. The sympathy really isn't necessary though, thank you, I'm OK with it. :D


We're victims of nothing. Humanity is a victim of existence. We should die.

I don't actually mean that. I agree with you, somewhat.



JonnyDee
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04 Jun 2017, 11:00 am

DancingCorpse wrote:
I wrestle with this almost every day, it took me many months to accept that I am autistic, I am not stubborn enough to reject such a qualified human's judgement but there's rarely a day that passes where I don't partially submerge back in the 'it's all an illusion so that you can believe you have a reason...' stinking prison cell, it's very odd to consider myself as an autistic and that I am a valid member of the human race with a disability which causes me great discomfort and difficulty, I have never stopped working upon my faults and flaws and sometimes I accept that I must give myself more leniency than I can spare due to having this condition, I doubt I will ever fully take possession of it and I guess in some ways I'm glad I was not diagnosed as a child as I've had to do a lot of soul searching to reveal the quality I could never name, and I have really had to map out my innards, basically ripping out piece after piece until I had nowhere to go but seek such a serious assessment. Even with the arduously unwinding route trailing out behind me in an unfading sprawl I find it absurd to have stamped above my eyebrows that autism is a reliable wrinkle, it's kind of like a mind****.


Really useful, much appreciated thanks.

Also the quote from AsPartofMe who says the doubting voice is about being an as*hole.

I'm realising I've been in a bit of denial despite the massive "Yeah the diagnosis has on the whole been a positively enlightening experience and the disability thing is because Westerners wouldn't know a mystical experience if it smacked them in the face" line... 8O



Raleigh
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04 Jun 2017, 4:42 pm

Quote:
"Yeah the diagnosis has on the whole been a positively enlightening experience and the disability thing is because Westerners wouldn't know a mystical experience if it smacked them in the face" line... 8O

The voice is correct.
You don't really have ASC, unless you own it.
That's why diagnosis often becomes the 'mystical experience'.
It's part of an acceptance of self.
And once you've seen it, you can let it go.


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IstominFan
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06 Jun 2017, 5:46 pm

I never thought I was okay. I knew there was always something different about me. I did think, for a while that I could be okay. That was taken away from me. I'm not certain now what the future will bring.