What do people even get out of pity friendships?

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That's sweet of you kraftie.

I've never been very hip even though yes I was and am the "creative chick" type, lol. Sadly though I am also the lame duck person in any room. But it's okay. I do kind of feel like I was part of his "collection" though; he must have thought "Oh look, a music chick AND a weird, awkward loser! Ding ding ding!"

I tend to doubt that. He probably had a yearning for your type of "exotic."

"Creative chicks" never found me sexy; they thought I was straight-laced. Or too short.

You'd be surprised how many guys are attracted to shy women, who think of themselves as being "lame ducks." They believe there is much which lies beyond the shyness. Which they believe is more substantive than what is found within more demonstrative women.

I have always found "straight laced" guys to be a much nicer proposition than their "creative" counterparts, lol! The problem with those men is that they are "never there" for you if you are in a relationship with them.

There was always a gig to play, a party I didn't want to go to with them, a bunch of friends they have. I was the homebody recluse who just wanted to curl up at home and watch a movie on a Saturday night. But he would be obligated to his gig with his band. Many lonely evenings feeling like I didn't even have a relationship.

I've become more demonstrative, outspoken, even, as I've gotten older; too many years spent as a shrinking violet feeling very frustrated with my state of being!

So a lot of people befriend people who are visibly autistic or different in general. What do they even get out of this? I know there's something they get out of it, but I don't know exactly what. These friendships hurt because they make it extremely obvious they don't see me as an equal. So I avoid anything that remotely looks like a pity friendship.

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it might not be a pity relationship.

it might be a pity relationship.

they might get that they feel better about themselves for executing/performing community service. volunteer work. Big Brothers, Big Sisters.

in the past, i have had social interactions (friendships) that were not an even playing field. not a two way street. they were one way streets, going uphill.

when i was about 18-21, in the beginning of undergraduate college, i wanted to interact with someone. and some of them passive aggressively tolerated me. whenever we interacted, i initiated.

but then when i got older. right now i am 34, i started feeling guilty/ashamed/stupid for bothering/harrassing/inconveniencing precious lil "people".

if they only want to interact with precious lil "people" just like them (cisgender, neurotypical, upper middle class, white collar professionals, same political party, same religion, same race), then i should not have bothered them altogether. i was wrong. that was my fault. it was all my fault.

the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission standards do not apply to friendships or social interactions. if someone only wants to interact with someone just like them, then they have a legal right to do so. if i bother them, then i am wrong.

nobody has a moral duty to be your friend.

exactly the problem.

no matter what kind of social justice comes up, there will never be a law that says someone has to be your friends. the law does not deal with friendships.

when i was younger, i wrongfully assumed it was better to have pity friendships than no friendships altogehter.

but now that i am senile, i no longer feel that way.

granted, not every friendship can be equal, in all ways, at all times. and it is not about scorekeeping either. (fine).

but, quite frankly, i feel guilty when i burden someone with my morally unjustified existence.

and then i get the impression that nobody wants to be around me, b/c i am so different from them.

and of the few precious lil "people" that told me that they were my precious lil "friends", eventually, almost all of them revealed their arrogant/condecending/judgmental attitudes.

likewise, they had a lot of precious lil "friends" while i only had them.

supply and demand.

that, alone. made it not a level playing field. in that they could lose me and the number of friends they have goes from 100 to 99. while if i lost them the number of friends i had went from 1 to 0. and not having friends feels bad emotionally.

so then, i would passive aggressively accept anything they did or said, even if i did not like it. for fear that if i were to have put up boundaries they would not have wanted to be my stupid lil "friends" any more.

but then, later they did not wanna be my precious lil "friends" anymore.

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whatever

anyways

there is something wrong with everything.

do whatever works for you.

enjoy whatever you choose to do.

do not waste too much time or energy dwelling on things you regret from the distant past. at least, not the way that i do.