Is this really an Aspie trait?

Post Reply New Topic

Hmmm. Well I like a quiet empty bathroom. It's a nice place to hide if you are feeling ready to flip out. But I have to say I'm not fond of a public bathroom if anyone else is in there and it is pretty nervous making that someone might come in when you are hiding in there.

But I view it as an emergency retreat mostly. Toilet stall or death!

I did hate changing rooms at school. They're pretty social places with incomprehensible vibes.

You know, I think a big thing for me is that I often feel very vulnerable in public... like I'm walking around naked or that people can see inside my soul. I've heard other autistics say the same. It's like everyone knows something about you that you don't, and they on the other hand are inscrutable. I do think it's even worse if you actually have take your clothes off ;p in front of people.

The above has improved with age and a build up of helpful realizations about the actual situation versus what I perceive.

When I'm in any bathroom I feel very on guard but that's because I'm a little bit germaphobic and the feeling of contamination becomes an unpleasant and very palpable physical sensation on my skin.

I think you could tell people something like, I'm a person with ASD and, because of how our brain is wired, we experience and sense things differently from typical people and that makes a change room environment very very uncomfortable for me, please can I make another arrangement for myself. You could add that you know that a lot of people don't enjoy being in a change room but that you feel that it is something you really need to avoid to take care of your nervous system so that you can be more successful in more important things like school work.

I'll just mention that I struggled to vote because I don't think it is an ASD trait but maybe a common experience for people on the spectrum because of autistic traits, such as sensory differences, nonverbal communication issues, etc.

I personally really identify with the some of the lists describing autistic females. The one list (aspien women I believe) is like a psychic followed me around all my life and wrote down their observations of me. But I think they aren't a list of traits as much as a list of manifestations of underlying traits coming through a particular personality. So they will obviously not match every female with ASD. The list has problems, but it was dead on for me.

Thinking of that list, I think it could really be harmful if someone is female but her traits don't manifest like that. And it is true that many people without ASD have similar manifestations due to different causes.

The list really made me laugh, because it happened to be really applicable to me. But it also had some worrying things about it. Reading it made me really stop and think... Do I have this? But I don't think in the end you can use a list like that to determine anything, without digging deeper and looking at underlying causes. I believe I found the most help in doing that at Wrong Planet... so far.

One worry is people who fit the list moderately well but aren't autistic, and then feel that autism isn't a real thing... just another kind of 'personality'.

Sorry. This is clumsy to describe... Like my mom said that she related to some things on the list and because of that questioned whether there is even such a thing as being an Aspie. At the time, I reacted by asking her, but do you relate to everything on the list? Because I do (almost) and maybe it is the sheer volume of these manifestations in one person that could identify them as being a female Aspie. She was happy with that. My mom is probably NT or BAP. I think.

In the end, my explaining my life experiences in terms of more concrete Aspie traits has been more convincing for me and my mom. She enjoyed seeing me in the list. I did too. But I think it made sense in context of looking at my life through the underlying and substantial traits.

But now that I have been on this site and observed quite a lot of different female Aspies, I realize that some of those ladies might not fit that particular list. So it is possible that the list might help some and really not help others.

I think that personality and a condition like autism are two different things. You can have a variety of personalities who have autism. Their personality is obviously affected by the autistic experience but that experience doesn't produce one uniform personality. Especially since there is some variety within the autistic experience itself on its own. What this adds up to it lots of variety and how can so much variety fit on a list like that. I'm open to the possibility but I guess I'm still checking it out.

There are other potential problems with a list like that. In my head, I'm not sure that they have gone from the realm of intuition into the realm of words for me yet. If I find the words for it, I will post.

I will say again, I like that particular list. But it's obviously because it suited my need and situation.

Classic sensory difficulties.

I don't particularly like changing in front of people, either.

I have no idea if this has anything to do with being an aspie, but I gave it no thought in my preschool years when I never entered them alone, but always with a family member. I was 7 the first (and last) time I went to the school WC. The door didn't lock and I had to sit there and try to keep it closed with my way too short legs while older girls stood watching and asked why I didn't lock the door. As if I hadn't if the lock worked!
Back then they made me feel dumb and uncomfortable, but I didn't think of hygiene.

Add a few more years and I wouldn't enter a restroom or locker room to do any business there. I wouldn't change in front of anyone and would feel uncomfortable with other people's nudity around me (all still true for me), and once I understood about hygiene I rather keep it in for hours than go in public. and no paper doesn't work, it just clings to me and becomes a mess.

It's got nothing to do with noise or smell for me, it's hygiene for bathrooms and lack of privacy for locker rooms.

I've always had problems with those things. I rarely will use public bathrooms unless it is urgent. I rarely use the bathroom at school, but I can use the bathrooms there without an issue as long as I go to the less crowded one on the second floor. I can't use the one on the first floor because that is the one most people use there. I always feel more comfortable if the bathroom is completely empty when I go. I never use the bathrooms at stores or restaurants, no matter how much I might need to. However, I can set foot in bathrooms if I need a good place to hide, I just have trouble "going" in them.

I can't change clothes in front of anybody, not even my female family members and friends. For me, I think it might be because I have a lot of body issues that I am embarrassed of (like scars and stretch marks). I never try on clothes in fitting rooms because I fear people walking in on me (as silly as that might sound). I buy things in what my size typically is and keep the receipt and tags in case they don't fit and I need to make a return.

I never really had to deal with locker rooms. Because of my physical disabilities, I did APE (Adaptive Physical Education) and they didn't require me to change clothes.