Can People Tell Just By Looking at You?

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Possibly others can tell...I might stare at people blankly if I am listening to them and/or look away, to focus on words I hear. I might flap my hands some or stim another way, cover my ears (noticeable) and can avoid touching hands.

The fact that I wasn't diagnosed until my late 20's is proof enough most people including "professionals" can't tell superficially that I'm on the spectrum. This is sadly typical for female aspies. I've read posts by other women saying they weren't diagnosed until their 40's or even much older, and having to hear the tiresome nonsense about them "not being autistic enough".

Two people have guessed as soon as they met me that I'm autistic. A fellow student at uni and a friend's mum.

Others have thought that I'm strange, awkward and "not all there".

I frequently get identified as 'weird' and very quickly get excluded from social circles. However, I doubt that most people can tell exactly what it is that makes me weird. They'd have to be familiar with female autism to pick up on it I think. My therapist thought I had ADHD, and my doctor thinks I'm normal. But the neuropsychologist, who knew what he was looking for, told me I was a textbook aspie.

I've never gotten the impression anyone notices anything just by looking at me. However after a short amount of communication they soon learn I'm "weird", I think largely the lack of reciprocal communication. I was diagnosed at 28 only after having been to mental health for "depression" and after quite a while the psychotherapist suggested I might be autistic. I've never had anybody else mention it.

As was suggested above I think it largely depends on whether the person has any experience with other autistic people. Most will just think you're a jerk.

I don't think anyone can tell right after meeting me or seeing me. But if anyone could tell, they either think I am slow or have ADD. I have been asked before if I was autistic when I was in high school and once when I was an adult. I used to get asked when I was a kid if I was ret*d or stupid. But I don't think lot of people would think autism. They would think of other things instead like shy or nervous, slow. I used to come off as rude but I learned to be quiet.

I never l looked especially odd. In my teens /early twenties, people knew I was "different" after 5 minutes of talking with me. In my thirties, it took longer conversation or several meetings. Now it only shows (I think!) in stressful / / unexpected / confrontational situations, and even then most people don't assume it's AS. The only people who have expressed the suspicion to me were a couple of psychiatrists I met casually and a woman whose son was on the spectrum. And, when my wife and I met with our son's psychiatrist to discuss his positive AS assessment, I mentioned that he probably got it from me. The doctor replied, "Yes, of course."

Once when I was 19 I went to boarding school for a year. And I remember I tried really hard to fit in. I did manage it somehow, but it was very difficult and sad at times. But usually people who get to know me will accept me, as I'm a friendly person to be around. One of the helpers/guides at the school (a person from the following year, usually older, socially adapt etc.) told me he thought for a time I was ret*d or stupid, but once he got to know me he thought I was an interesting and nice person. I kind of felt a bit sad but also thankful as it was a compliment of a kind. At the time I did not know I was on the spectrum. If I knew I would have told him and it would have explained a lot to each of us.

Last edited by Enceladus on 01 Oct 2017, 2:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think that it's pretty obvious that SOMETHING is off from looking at me. My face looks weird, I don't smile a lot (I look even more ret*d when I smile) without a reason, I walk funny.

If you know what you're looking for, it's obvious when I speak, unless I'm talking hillbilly (I grew up listening to it; I can imitate it so perfectly people on the phone think they're talking to my aunt instead of me, and the linguistic idiosyncrasies pretty much cover up or distract from the autistic issues with prosody). I have a naturally irritating voice.

Some people see me and assume I am cisgender female. And told me

Some people see me and assume I am cisgender male. And told me

Not once has anyone assumed I was transgender (and told me)

and I started Gender Therapy in 2004

Quite frankly, not many people even know enough about autism to "know" someone else has autism

Only clinical psychologists have a legal right to assign psychiatric diagnoses, such as autism.

Having said that, anyone can say anything they want

The aikido instructor's spouse told me that the instructor told the spouse, that I was autistic. That was after watching me in aikido lessons for one year. About one lesson a week. 90 minute per lesson

The instructor is autistic himself and works in that field

Numerous times someone told me I was "weird", a "freak", "different," "strange". They were correct. But they were so judgmental



Anyways even the neuropsychiatrist that diagnosed me had to administer an IQ test, (among other things) to make the official diagnosis. The professional has to have the legal authority to give out the diagnosis

The current counselor told me she has a legal right to diagnose depression and anxiety, but not autism. She has a Master's degree in psychology

One time, when I was 21, a 61 year old in the same class as me had the nerve to tell me that he read a book about autism and he diagnosed himself with it and diagnosed me with it. As soon as he saw me

But by that time, I had already gotten an official diagnosis

And he refused to get a diagnosis

But anyways, of all the times that i disclosed, by far the most common response was "you do not look autistic" or " you are not autistic".

So..... Why bother disclosing?

Besides, sometimes psychologists make misdiagnoses

And another psychologist could give the same client a different diagnosis


Seriously though the more I think about it the more ridiculous it seems

Because the psychologist can only interact with the client in the office. And can't observe the client , outside the office

I'd suspect not. When I was in the teens, I was diagnosed with selective mutism. At that time, I wasn't really particularly interested in getting a diagnosis so I probably didn't tell the psychiatrists as much about myself as I could have. When I got diagnosed with Asperger's much later, I was at a stage where I was more interested and open towards the persons that were trying to help me.

I suspect that it would be hard for most non-professionals to make that kind of conclusions unless I was uncharacteristically open with them. Having said that, there are times when I've observed others and guessed (correctly) that they might have a similar condition as myself. There could be a bit of confirmation bias there, though. I've met people that have some traits in common with me that I'd be suspecting, but that would probably not pass the criteria for the diagnosis.

I've also heard others that have told me that they suspected something about me(but they've said it after I told them about my diagnosis). These have either been people that know me very well or people that have a similar diagnosis and that have spent some time together with me.