Social Retardation

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Ach, I'm a pretty tough ol' broad, and if someone wants to call me a ret*d, I don't care (just don't call me late for supper - and, I've called MYSELF a ret*d)----besides, I'm quite conscious / accepting of that I AM "slow to grasp", MOST things, really (including, being a social ret*d); so, if there are people who are willing / able to put-up with me, that's good----if they aren't / can't, I most probably don't wanna put-up with them, EITHER!! LOL

Yeah, that's one of the biggest "problems" with us: we're just a big ol' jumbled ball of dichotomies----some of us are capable of doing math that would make somebody else's hair stand on-end, but at the same time, not be able to balance our checkbook; or, we might be able to rattle-off absolutely anything that had to do with science, but not be able to follow a recipe----we're just a myriad of puzzles.

Part of my "campaign" in getting people to understand us, is by FIRST suggesting to them that they must, somehow, try to wrap their head around that, with some people, "smart" and "stupid" can and DOES reside in the same body / brain----but, I can certainly understand why that would be DIFFICULT to understand; mostly, what I'm asking, is that they try.

I'm not surprised to see everybody disagreeing with this assessment, and I can't blame you. But I have to be honest here, I've had the same thoughts as the op with basically the same terminology too. I kept the thoughts to myself because I don't want to always share my most controversial thoughts with others, but they have been there. I guess I didn't really think to group other autistics in the category as "socially slow" or whatever you'd like to term it, but I've thought of myself that way.

In most social situations I can do fairly well now. I can kid or joke around pretty well, I can meet social protocols, I can be polite, and I generally know what thoughts to keep in my head instead of sharing with a person I'm talking with (unless I intend to offend them on purpose). But I think, speaking for myself, what makes me autistic is the fact that the right side of my brain that handles executive functions, theory of mind, the handles of social skills, etc. cannot be properly accessed by me.

The brain has a way to compensate for that which is for me to use the incorrect side of my brain (obviously the left side) to memorize, analyze, and retrieve interactions from past conversations I've been a part of or witnessed, and adapt those conversations to suit my current conversation. If that sounds like a lot of work for my brain to process it is, and frankly it's a freakin miracle it can do it so well. With that said, if aspects of a conversation don't meet the parameters in my brain or I forget those parameters, I likely won't do at ad-libbing in a conversation. When that happens I'm not sure what the person may think, but I can pretty much "fumble the football" in those instances.

And I while I can read a person's expression as well as any NT, and I can attribute 12 possible meanings to those expressions, I can't process the correct meaning of that expression within the context of a conversation. So I'm like a computer that can process and analyze data, but I need a person behind the keyboard to provide the correct answers, and that person simply doesn't exist.

So yeah, I'm passable in social situations, I've even done well in social situations and made people laugh until the cows came home, but there has been and always will be a major gap in my social skills that I won't be able to fill that some 12 year old NT child could accomplish without even giving it a second thought. Does that make me "socially ret*d"? I can't say one way or the other, but it's certain a humbling experience. When I'm at a restaurant and I see a person who has down's syndrome or other like conditions and I have something interesting on me, I'll talk to them about that object and than give it to them as a gift. They are always so happy, and the person caring for them is always grateful. But if I spoke the truth out loud to the caretaker, I think I'd tell them that I'm a lot like the person their caring for. I don't think I'm being overly dramatic when I say that. I think it's something to consider.

I realized I lacked EQ, rather vaguely, earlier and stronger that I realized that I had a high IQ. I assumed that others were playing dumb a lot.

I can only tolerate humans in small doses and then I have to retreat and shut down for a long period of time. So I do consider myself socially ret*d but I would prefer the term socially repellent personally.

If someone starts picking on me and making fun of me than the situation can spiral out of control quite violently and unpredictably. Workplace social situations are tremendously challenging for me and I've been fired more than 9 times, suspended twice and I've quit more than 30 times to avoid being fired.

I've been classified as highly intelligent with a measured IQ of 160 so I am intelligent but anxieties related to socialization are something that I cannot control.

So I would consider myself socially ret*d.

I can sooooo relate to this. This has happened in every job I have had. All the time I worked harder and faster than the others, but was perceived to not be working as a team member. I can work far better on my own, and can do the work properly first time around, but for some reason NTs just can't see that. Makes me soooo mad. In that way I believe most NTs are logically ret*d.

Maybe "working as a part of the team" meant, in their eyes, that you should adapt to the way and the speed you work with to the way most members of your team did? And since you kept working with your own speed (which was higher than theirs) they thought you weren't a team player, perhaps even that you looked down on them since you did things faster than they did.

Not trying to judge you or take their side; just saying that it was possible they were thinking something along these lines.

I certainly agree that most NTs can't distinguish rationality from rationalization. I once had a job evaluating ideas for inventions, and 90% of them violated things I learned in Gr. 11. However, I think you are missing why NTs go to work. They like working with each other for many reasons, doing things that they can't do alone. Their work is also their social life, and they want to spend it with friends. When you come in all focussed on the job, they get very worried that either their boss will expect them to work harder, or you will get promoted. Sabotaging you may be unethical, but it does not feel as bad as upsetting the group. A "team" may also share more guilty secrets than just working slowly, too. Their jobs may be obsolete, making the main goal to avoid notice from management. They may be stealing more than just time, too, and covering for each other. They "go along to get along."

Ha, yes, this happened to me, too. My boss said I need to work with the team - but I work in a regional office, a thousand kays away. My job doesn't require teamwork at all.

I think the issue was that he wanted me to do things his way, but I thought my way was better, so I was a bit resistant. This tends not to go down well.

By "teamwork", people sometimes mean "doing things the way we want you to". Of course, by that measure, autistics are never going to make the grade.

There is definitely a lot more emphasis and teamwork in the workplace and in school today then there was decades ago. Back then your boss was not expected to be your friend and it was ok for your boss and you to dislike each other as long as you did your job and communication was kept at a professional level. "This is a business, not a social club" was a common refrain. Also, it was accepted and even somewhat expected for certain jobs that the employees would be "loners".

I have one friend who calls this "collectivism." Dullards are trained to expect to be successful creatively, and physical wrecks are escorted to "touchdowns." People with Dunning-Kruger syndrome are quite incapable of evaluating ideas, but they will brainstorm with a dozen others barely able to contribute and then out-vote the competent minority that has a real breakthrough. The Woz is not a team player, but Jobs was at least smart enough to see that he had it right, and was good at how to sell the results. Of course, iCrap is now a ripoff, but it did push the envelope.

I would agree with that one. Even in first grade, back in the 1960s, we sat at individual desks, rather than the four-person desks we have today in many elementary schools.

Yep....I heard that one many times: "This is not a social club." LOL

Nowadays, it's true, the emphasis is on "teamwork" and getting along with your co-workers. It's sort of a double-edged sword, really. I believe this approach is good for most people, but not for us autistics at all.

I do wish people were evaluated on the ability to "do the job," over how one "gets along" with others---especially if there's no antagonistic behavior on the part of anybody.