Autism and being overly supportive/loyal

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I'm in this club too, or I was. Over time, I pretty much burned out due to the imbalance. Have a cousin & cousin-in-law who aren't AS but do "get" it; told them that as I aged, I realized I don't have friends or acquaintances, so much as I have a "user community". Have pulled WAY back from people. Except them. For now, anyway. Cats are always good, though.

That's a great way of saying it, story of my life.

@starcats: I suspect it may be true for many of us here. Kind of like Williams syndrome - where people are incredibly trusting and open, to their detriment - but with a different genetic basis.

Learning to establish boundaries is important. Not everyone will give you trouble, but some will.

I try to stick to the same people because I don't like change, as long as they're nice.

I tend to be very black/white. I give people I like 100%, but if they betray me or even disappoint me too much I tend to cut them off completely. This is probably a reaction to being used and exploited when I was younger and more naive.

I am precisely the same way when it comes to NTs. The ones I like I give my all and pay a great deal of attention to them but sometimes I wear them out and they push me away sometimes and then I cut them off completely and disregard them as if they don't exist anymore. It is very much like a black-and-white issue.

I think I do this as a defense mechanism and as a way to protect myself against unneeded frustration because as Aspies our bottles are always full to begin with and we can't afford any more agitation can we?

It's a lonely way of dealing with many NTs that we can't tolerate but such is our dilemma.

Brilliantly said.



My experience has been the same as described above. (i.e. Yes, it's personal and no it's you.)

I used to be like this, but then I realized it was 1. Not expected of me. 2. Not appreciated, in fact, in some instances, it may make the person feel uncomfortable, and 3. Not a reasonable expenditure of my energy.

I have since learned how to budget my energy in this regard more wisely.

"Overly" "loyal"?

You are"overly" loyal, underly loyal, or correctly loyal

Like a dartboard

I have the opposite problem (it seems). I can't deal with constant contact. I need a huge amount of time alone, in withdrawn / thinking mode.

After a long withdrawn phase coinciding with a burn out period - by the time I'm ready to come out again all friends have decided not to bother any more Can't really blame them either. Couldn't really expect them to wait a whole year for me to get stuff together.

(By the way, I'm always thinking of people during away time. I don't really notice time passing. I feel like conversations I had a year or two ago are still underway / could go straight back to them... shame that friends have been living their lives and have forgotten our conversations)

I think my reaction might be an autism-intensified INTP-ish one. Feeling-preferring people can be very confusing for me - NT and ND.