People tell me why you dont talk at all

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Plenty of times, someone asked me why I did not talk (enough).

But maybe a better question (interrogative statement):. Why do they talk so much?

Some extroverts act like every time they have a thought or an emotion, they have a moral duty to announce it immediately. They act like every thought or emotion that they have, is the latest greatest scientific discovery

Precious lil "people" have the nerve to tell me "you sound like a girl". And "you sound like a boy"

It takes so much energy and intelligence to verbally explain the slightest thing. And the recipient could have made an unlimited number of wrong assumptions. And the recipient is not willing to be open-minded to hearing something he or she does not accept, like, understand, or agree with

Plenty of precious lil "people" are totally homophobic,. Some precious lil "people" are just a little homophobic. But they look, sound, and act like normal. And I do not know who is homophobic until they do something that shows the homophobia. By then I have already made an emotional attachment.

Many people asked me this during my high school years.

However, many of my classmates were hipster-wannabes, punk-rocker types, or inconsiderate of the feelings of others so I kept to myself because I was worried I might say something inappropriate.

{Also, I had other things on my mind. Thankfully, the HS counselor helped me cope with these issues.}

I spoke so little in school I even had a few people ask if I was mute. I've only realized recently that my speech issues might actually qualify as selective mutism.

Two of my high school teachers saw me {and a few other students} as easy targets for harassment just because we didn't fit in.

Sometimes someone misses the point, when I say something. Including professional counselors. Especially professional counselors.

When I told a professional counselor that, now that I am 33, I am motivated more by fear instead of greed, she had the nerve to tell me to think of it as "want". It's like wtf Euphemism aside. She missed the point. And she had the nerve to tell me that in a condescending, arrogant voice

When I said the slightest thing, they do not like they have the nerve to correct it. They will not let you disagree. They do not know what they do not know. homophobia

When I do or say something wrong, I get an enormous and disproportionate punishment. When someone does the same thing, they get away with it

For example when I was 12, I wrongfully accused someone of stealing something. An entire stampede of junior high school rodents physically assaulted me at the bus stop. At least four

Sine Chen numerous precious lil "people" had the nerve to wrongfully accuse me of stealing something. At least one was on duty at REI. He did not get fired, assaulted, or any other punishment

Uneven playing field

And sooner or later if I keep interacting with someone, I will do something that (they deem) is "wrong".

Some precious lil "people" are so full of themselves that they truly believe that when anyone does anything they do not like it is "disrespectful"

"Disrespectful" is a Trump card

And they sometimes get angry when they tell me that I made too much or too little eye contact. They don't like my haircut or clothes. They don't like the way I walk. They don't like what I am eating. (Tofu burrito). They do not like the way I eat it ("like a pig")

They act all "holier than thou"




It's their whole attitude


They do or say anything they want to me. And reaction other than passive aggressive tolerance is "you got mad"



Yes that is an overgeneralization (as an arrogant counselor had the nerve to tell me ). But it is also pattern recognition

They act like they have veto power over everything i do and say

Attitude

Precious lil "people" act so morally innocent, absolutely important, awesome, wise, arrogant, condescending

They treat me like they are doing a community service, merely by interacting with me

There was a time I choose not to talk to everyone, and not be involved in any social role as possible. It was the best school years I ever had.

People DID asked me if I could speak. Some mistook me for a mute. People are pestering me about it. I got away with ignoring them, and me replying is like an unusual phenomenon.


Sure, I do have the issue of speaking too much or not speaking at all even at this present.

I kinda figured why, yet I couldn't resolve it yet myself... There's this micro timing, it's when an NT would instinctively reply without being accused of cutting off, or being cut off as they give time with those they converse. I figured that milliseconds and their sync, but I haven't figure how they really 'end' dialogue unless they paused longer than or when someone cued me to. Or when is the best 'paused' I might offer 'for them', I haven't figure that out.
The whole 'basics' and how they sync is complicated as it is. You had to add the volume, tone, pitch, nonverbal expressions, and the relevance to the topic on hand, then keep up with the shifts of topic change. Yet those factors can be replicated -- I choose not to. I focus what's something that cannot be 'replicated' in socializing via acting: timing, focus shift (or shifting gears), and 'filter' (I have yet to figure this one out.).

Timing is very, very important part to yet hard to learn because in and itself is subtile and it could only present itself.

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the current counselor marked the box for "paucity of content" on the insurance form

Which made me think - wtf?

What am I supposed to talk about, the entire Dewey Decimal System?



You can't measure the amount of content.

Besides, that (among numerous other things) is what I do not get about talking. What is so great about talking?


The conversations that I overhear, while walking on the street, sound so superficial. paucity of content indeed.

Usually precious lil "people" talk so much.... And get nowhere

Besides, what if I did talk more skillfully, then what?

I don't have any authority anyways.

Talking seems so fleet


Once you have a conversation, it is over.

That is one of numerous reasons why I feel skeptical of psychological counseling

When a tax preparer makes a mistake, the client could get an audit.

In C++ programming language, if you put a semicolon where a colon should be, you get a "core dump". Too many mistakes and you get a "bus error"

When a scientist does an experiment, they write the procedure in a way that anyone that follows the instructions gets the same result. Then publish it in PubMed database. And other professionals of the same education analyze the article

But in counseling, it does not get written down. Much less tape recorded. Or videotaped

Some counselors just say whatever they want. And who am I to question their statements? Academically, I am not their peer