sinsboldly wrote:
SteveK wrote:
I don't thnk I ever said it in my entire life until about 2 years ago. Oddly, I AM acting a bit more AS or autistic now. I don't know if it is because I have been trying to get back my earlier mental plasticity, trying to remember various events of my life, have been nostalgic, feel happier, or am simply imagining things because I am now LOOKING for it. I am even trying to not dumb down my speech so much, although I have been doing it for SOOOOO long... Still, even when I was younger, and acted more AS than I do now, I never used such terms.
Steve
It's like walking in a fog, right around you seems less dense but there is a horizon that looks real dense out there on every side. That is like it is when I try to observe my autism in the past. . ooh, looks real dense, but just now it doesn't look too bad.
I have a sneaking suspicion I am not actually able to observe
all my autism and I what I CAN observe is so obvious that even
I can see it.
Merle
Actually, I remember some parts of my youth like they happened early this morning or something. I STILL remember the jerk on the motorized scooter that once acted like he SAVED me from drowning when he REALLY tried to force me down. I remember what that felt like and how I had to swim around his hand.
I remember how I had a few birthday parties in a little room in front of that very same pool, and how I hated even the TEXTURE of the sweaters an uncle used to get me. I always hated them, and he knew it.
I remember how people couldn't understand some "big" words I used, so I had to start speaking simpler. I remember having trouble with some rhetoric and sarcasm. Sarcasm is ESPECIALLY hard to discern if the unintended meaning is more precise.
I remember being called a knowitall, arrogant, etc.... That sometimes STILL happens.
I used to have MORE problems with voice volume, and sometimes still do. If I talk too long, am too tired, repeat too often, or am too excited, the volume of my voice may unconciously increase, or sometimes even DECREASE.
I used to be able to SENSE someone within like 5 feet of me. And I SWEAR the room would heat up! I STILL don't like people touching me, and rarely touch ANYONE outside of a handshake THEY initiate. And tags and fit used to bother me a LOT! HECK, fit bothered me until late into my teens.
And I ALWAYS did, and still do, look down, etc... I rarely look into anyones eyes, am quick to look away, etc....
I used to have a need to help and that meant calling attention to other peoples mistakes. I also kept refining anything I did.
I was surprised(Since she seemed to be less trusting), but my mother recently told me that she once asked me if I ever lied. My response, that she said? "Well, I always try not to.". I swear, I think I was pretty old before I told a lie. NOT because I didn't know how, or because I couldn't, but simply because I didn't want to. And I, in my own way, saw it as a feeble attempt to "pay it forward". (Vague reference to a film that came out much later where a kid, asked by his teacher to create a plan to "change the world", decided to do good deeds on the condition that the beneficiary do good deeds for others.) Unfortunately, like that kid, my honor was met with little reciprocation, so I eventually succumbed.
I used to be precocious, tenacious, studious, etc... I would go through dictionaries and encyclopedias for FUN! I still remember even in my twenties going to the library every weekend or so.
Steve