CBT and thinking positively

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(Edit in: This comment is @MagicMeerkat)

Been there, etc. - it sucks hugely.

The problem is - and a couple of folks above also discuss this - the real, as opposed to the pretend, purpose of most therapy is to make the worker bees happy in the hive. It's meant to suppress individuation unless it runs in a very specific set of approved channels.

Some of this is pro-social; individuation that involves causing pain of any kind to any living thing **should** be suppressed, and ferociously, AFAIAC; but a lot of it is covertly or overtly inimical to the human spirit.

"Don't question your superiors at work" ain't that far removed from "know your place, peasant!" And when your therapist says, "well, maybe they bully you because your competence threatens them", the only sane response is "then why are they in positions of authority, if they come viciously unglued when a member of their staff is actually able to do the job?"

You are so very welcome. I hope his work is as bracing and validating for you as it was for me. (And still is.)

Ok this has gone a bit conspiracy theory.

I do think that therapists are trying help people feel happier. The one I went to was lovely. She really seemed to care.

I just feel like I think too deeply for this kind of therapy to work on me.

I have an aspie acquaintance who is good at phrasing things so I see them realistically but in a positive light. But he's also one of the problems. I developed feelings for him and things didnt work out, so ivelot him to talk to. I like talking to him. An analytical therapist would be good for me rather than an NT one. I cant do fluffy happy. But i can do analytical happy to a certain extent.

I get the impression that CBT is about realistic thinking. It's also about not obsessing over the negative, whether justified or not.

CBT is only part of the solution for me. CBT techniques work better for me when I've taken the time and energy to focus on my emotions and sensations, to give myself permission to feel them and let them go, as much as possible.

Also, if I'm feeling injustice or frustration, I tend to feel better when someone understands how I'm feeling and why. Cognitive behavioral therapists aren't always good at that deep, validating sort of understanding.

I suspect autistic people have a special need to feel understood, because we are so frequently misunderstood. So I agree with you about that.

I honestly believe that the whole self-help philosophy has a lot of the same function as religion had in the middle ages; to keep the serfs in their places, unquestioning. Blaming the individual even when it is absurd is something that permeates modern, western society.

I don't think CBT in itself is part of this ideology, but it is highly likely that a lot of people who perform CBT are infected by this kind of thinking. If you want to do CBT, you need to know what your goal is and why you want to do it. Otherwise it is meaningless.

I keep returning to Svend Brinkmann on this topic: https://qz.com/924103/happiness-has-bec ... brinkmann/

If you read early Buddhist texts, mindfulness is about viewing the world in a realistic way and acting on that information. It's not about just sitting back and accepting everything. It's about correct action as much as about correct thought.

Yes, and I think that would extend, at least somewhat, to people with disabilities in general. Part of many people's disability experience is indignity, injustice, and feeling misunderstood in other ways. I can personally attest to this as someone who is blind.

This issue of feeling misunderstood goes beyond disability and into mental health also: the person with anxiety who is misunderstood as "paranoid" but is actually just overreacting to a real experience, or the person who is depressed being misunderstood as "lazy" for not getting a job. So if a therapist can't make you feel understood, but then expects you to do whatever they say, well, that just doesn't work.



Love this. Unless, of course, your goal is to deal with really powerful emotions in the moment, beyond the "just change your behavior" tactic. CBT changes the thoughts and behaviors that feed emotions, but it doesn't seem to address the underlying emotions or emotional awareness issues that really hamper such change.



Really good points. I feel so drained if I have to try so hard to be happy when I feel angry, frustrated, or sad.



Interesting. I find the concepts really confusing. I wish I could talk to someone who actually gets this stuff, but I don't think I know anyone.

There's nothing inherently wrong with that attitude (just like it's easier to run from a tornado than fight it) but I wish they would have been upfront and honest with me about that. My best progress was with a social worker who said "what happened to you was WRONG. I had the same thing because of my race." and she didn't want it to drag me down any longer.

I HATE it when people tell me I have a bitter attitude that I need to let go. I always snap back "so, if your child was murdered you would just forget about it?"

Giant hockey fan

A counselor told me that there is nothing in the world that is "wrong". According to the philosophy of Adverts Vendanta.

However that follows that there is nothing that is"right" either.

Actually I wonder about that. For the past eleven months I have been with the current counselor.

Not once has she told me I did anything "wrong"

It could be that the counselor is biased in favor of the client

The counselor was not there at the scene

And even witnesses have their own biases. Depending on their identities and beliefs

So if the counselor heard about the incident from another party's perspective, (I think that) the counselor would just believe the other party

So.... Quite frankly I don't know what to believe

Maybe the counselor is just humoring me

Customer service

The counselor has to maintain a business. Earn enough money to pay room and board and et cetera


So.

The counselor cannot be impartial

But even judges and juries are biased

My limited experiences of CBT have been positive (couldn't resist ), it's useful as a tool for breaking habitual thinking.

Thankfully I haven't encountered a therapist trying to use this type of approach to address larger/deeper health challenges, that would be a sign to find a therapist with a broader skill set.

Oh I see. I never really have a purpose with the positive thinking stuff. That's probably why I've always seen it as pointless, because I wasn't attributing any point to it or moving forward anywhere.

Yes I do think striving for happiness as the end goal is a bad idea emotionally. I think people need a sense of purpose in their lives and they become happier working towards their goals. But happiness in itself shouldn't be the goal or it will always be elusive.

Also agree about the needing to feel understood thing. I don't feel like anyone I know really understands me.

Interesting. I went through a phase of struggling with this concept too.

I had a roommate that I was having issues with. I told my friends about what was going on and I was looking for advice. My friends and family took my side.

However, my roommate's friends took her side.

Who is right? Actually neither of us, we just did things differently and couldn't quite meet in the middle. We eventually parted ways.

If you shot someone deliberately surely your therapist would say that was wrong?

Sounds like what I need. There were certain family issues my therapist wouldn't touch. I wasn't sure why. That was about 10 years ago and things have ironed themselves out anyway so not an issue anymore. I get on with my family better than other people.

I'm currently in CBT and feel like I'm going nowhere fast. I think the problem I'm having is I am not very self aware so when my therapists asks about emotions or what I'm feeling my go to answer is "I dunno". I think I'm a nightmare patient to work with.

Hurtloam

Counselors are Mandated Reporters, by law

Counselors legally have to report when clients talk about hurting someone

If they do not report, and someone commits suicide or homicide (is. Elizabeth shin suicide), the client's family could win a civil lawsuit against the company the counselor works for

Having said that, the counselor could report that the client said that the client shot someone,,, but the counselor could choose not to say that it is wrong to shoot someone

Furthermore the counselor needs more particulars. For example, were you in the infantry and ordered to shoot someone? Or are you a professional executioner, and administering capital punishment? Or was it self defense?



What I wonder is, what if two opposing parties came to the counselor at the same time?

Maybe the counselor just takes the side of whoever is paying

What if they split the bill?

Remarkably well-timed article in today's Slate: author has direct experience with CBT. Anecdotal, to be sure; but then, each of us lives a life that is entirely anecdotal, from a certain perspective.

CBT Doesn't Fix Everything for Everyone

The current counselor pretty much sucks up to me

When I told her my sister laughed at my haircut ("everyone thinks you're a boy!"), and when I got the cold, the counselor told me "I'm sorry")

When I told her an on leash dog approached me while I was eating, sitting against the wall, and it scared me, she told me it was an "unfortunate thing that happened". When I told her someone called me a "fa***t", she told me that is "unfortunate"

She told me I "felt bad" when the high school Dean made a mountain out of a molehill.

It was like devils advocate or reverse psychology .

Maybe she says the Holocaust is "unfortunate thing that happened" and she is "sorry"

Usually when I point out a pattern of negative things happening, she acts for an example of an exception. Then she asks how the exception was different

But I do not feel like she steers me toward positive thinking per se.

She indulges my emotions