Optimism and Reality: Goldfish21 Response to me

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Also true.

Some of us are blessed with horrific health issues that teach us to overcome them.

Some of us are blessed to be born into working class families that can't give us huge sums of money, which creates the opportunity to learn how to work & earn one's own way to success.

Rags to riches self made success stories are the best stories. The underdog who overcomes against all odds. I LOVE those movies, and even better real life stories of real people, and even better yet: My own story that continues to unfold day by day.

People EVOLVE. Without even knowing that they've evolved.

A 25-year-old is not a 21-year-old. Just because one failed as a 21-year-old doesn't mean one will fail 4 years later. The mind has had 4 years to evolve. Much of this evolution occurs naturally; one doesn't even have to "work for it."

Just because it isn't probable doesn't mean it's impossible!

Victim blaming? Where?

As with anything one can use "the general trend," to justify not even trying if they want to, but not me, the general trend has sweet f**k all to do with ME.

The general trend is that people are getting fatter and unhealthier. Not me.
The general trend is that people are getting poorer. Not me.
etc

Decide that the general trend has nothing to do with You and whether or not You achieve your goals & completely ignore it and you'll be well on your way to accomplishing whatever it is you set out to do despite whatever the f**k other people aren't doing.

Reminds me of when I was depressed and stated that there was so much competition out there for work/jobs/business etc.. and my good friend pointed out that, yes, there are a lot of people.. but there isn't much competition - because people aren't competitive. People are lazy. There's, in general, a lot of people who could be seeking those jobs/business, but in reality there are very very few who are actually putting in the hard work so there's almost no one to compete with if you wanna go out there and get yours! That was quite profound for me at the time and makes a lot of sense. It doesn't matter what the masses are doing, it matters what you do.

When I was little and still classified as level 3 severely autistic. There was a list of what I wouldn't be able to do. I was determined to do as much as possible of what I wasn't supposed to be able to do anyways. Which I did in several areas. Not necessarily phenomenally, but I did break through some barriers or at least push them further back. And I also needed to be pushed by my parents and occupational therapists. They helped me to get past defeatist attitudes and giving up.

This is true of these goals.

Had you met me 6 years ago you'd have thought "Oh, that's too bad.. another highly intelligent Aspie who will never be able to get his s**t together and function in the world. What a sad waste. He's doomed to failure." All those sorts of things. I say that because I would have thought it myself.

However, I've overcome all of those things. Instead of being virtually homeless I have enough money to put a downpayment on a condo if that were my goal. It's not. I still live with family & pay cheap rent. I've given myself rent increases along the way to be fair. I also just gave my father $5,000.00 for his birthday so he can buy a motorcycle in the Spring as the one thing he wants to do in this life for his own enjoyment is ride a motorcycle & no f*****g way was I going to allow a lack of free uninvested cash to constrain him - not since we all know he's on borrowed time and that eventually his cancer will kill him, just hopefully not before he gets to go riding. He's been working to provide for everyone else his whole life, so for Father's Day we committed to paying for his riding lessons, then for his birthday I kickstarted his motorcycle fund so he has something to look forward to over this Winter of treatments & stress. Medically, my intent is that that something positive to look forward to in the Spring may help him relax and his body stay strong and heal so that it creates the opportunity for him to do this hopefully this coming Spring/Summer after this next 6 month round of chemo starting ~now.

5-6 years ago I WAS that "write off," of a human being. Today? I'm doing good & ever better with MUCH bigger goals to pursue than I've ever undertaken before and I am f*****g STOKED for the challenge of it all. Gives me a sense of purpose, too. Something to apply myself to for the next decade or so.

It's never the right thing to do to quit trying. It might be the right thing to do to shift focus from trying one thing that isn't working to trying something else that might work, but it's never the right thing to do to quit trying.

Yes, buddy! All of this!!

Career/financial success isn't necessarily the Thing someone's striving for. It just provides stability so you can aim for goals in other parts of life. Maybe you seek knowledge and are always reading books or taking courses? Maybe you want to break your own personal record for lives touched by volunteering at a local shelter or soup kitchen & doling out ever more warm bowls of healthy nutrition & hope for the down and out? Maybe you strive to be a better husband?

Whatever you do for you and your reasons, it doesn't matter, it's just nice to read that you're a pretty positive person & have the mindset that you can and will improve whatever it is you do.

In Sparta, if a kid couldn’t “cut the mustard” at age 7, they were summarily killed. Many of us would have been killed at age 7 in Sparta—-maybe even immediately at birth.

At least, at this point here in the US, and in many places around the world, people can see potential even in a “defective” 7 year old. And they know, even, that some of the “defects” could actually be “assets.”

To give up is to make the “Spartan Choice.” Except you kill yourself instead.

I did not click and read that link, but from your post I get what it is about.

Who cares what the odds are? You think if I had a kid with a disability that I'd raise that kid telling them they're f****d because of their disability so they're better off not Trying in the first place? NONSENSE!

You think this guy had an upbringing like that?



Or how about an example of a girl I know in real life - she's confined to a wheelchair due to muscular dystrophy. Her parents told her she would likely never live to be a teenager. She's ~18 or so now and in her first year of University working towards her goal of becoming a teacher. Along the way she's raised hundreds of thousands of dollars towards muscular dystrophy research, too. There's no telling her she can't do things. She's fortunate enough to have been raised believing in herself vs. being told "f**k it, you're a cripple. Just wait to die."

While I wasn't raised by overachievers, my mom likes to yell and is a bit of a pessimist, and my father doesn't say much.. but when he has said anything about my education or career he's always said I could do anything I want to (except drywall! lol so it's ironic that I'm apprenticing as a Taper - finishing drywall.. but w/e) & those words have power. I'm fortunate enough to have heard them from him many times, in times I didn't believe them, and in others when it's grown in my mind that I can do things.

Hell, how about my high school best friend? He's deaf (and so is his wife, but their 2 kids can hear). Nearing graduation he was terrified of being relegated to janitorial work or stocking grocery shelves. I filled his head with positive affirmations that he could do anything he wanted to put his mind to - and he literally did not listen to anyone else lol - and what did he do? Got a degree in some kind of computer sciences/programming, got a full time government job to provide for himself and his family.. but we also had a business startup together that didn't really get off the ground. But he learned from it that he could do business online, so, he did. He went on to sell memory cards for Nintendo DS then when that ran it's course he took the money and put it into his passion: Programming car computers to make them go fast - fast and furious style. Fast forward 10 years or so and now he's among the best in the business, if not the best in the entire world at what he does. He bought a building & some expensive equipment last year. He just hired his 10th or 11th full time employee. His engineers are working full steam ahead on game changing technology and I am VERY excited to see him succeed! His sales are currently mid-high 6 figures, but as soon as his new products hit the world wide market they well be into the 7 figures/year, and possibly hit 8 figures sometime within the next decade. He is a real life human being, still my best friend since high school & I'm God father to his children. Have a look at his success here: https://malonetuning.com/

Don't you tell me what I can't do because of my diagnosis. Or better yet, go ahead & I'll just carry on and prove you wrong.

By the philosophy of our society and others which has the idea of what is called an internal locus of control and the idea of personal responsibility which extends to positivity as well.

I will explain.

What our society and others like ours presume is that our circumstances are caused, instigated, or chosen by our own actions. And, we choose our own actions. There is some truth to this but if one looks at differing factors of humanity like biology, life experiences, laws of existence, the summit of our wisdom and understanding influences what choices we think we have.

The whole idea of personal responsibility and internal locus of control is to simplistic and life, truth and existence is much more complex then what our society and others perpetuate as truth and gospel.

Let's look at a man, a reasonable and intelligent man until he got a spike through his head. His name is Phineas Cage.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phineas_Gage

His whole demeanor changed after this incident. His abilities to make certain choices like self-control and restraining one's impulses were damaged.

To me, this is why I see victim blaming in this whole can do, positivite, cultish mindset. It can't accept any other possibilities like external entities holding one back. One's circumstances are one's own fault and one is responsible for them no matter what and this is considered absolute by our society and others with no question to it.

Why? Why isn't it right? Who says it isn't right? You? Society? God?



What if my idea of shifting focus is most people's idea of quitting? How do we define what is what?

Last edited by cubedemon6073 on 19 Dec 2017, 2:45 pm, edited 2 times in total.

It's not a terrible idea to do so, especially if you have the financial resources and you Know that your child is so significantly impaired that they will otherwise be destitute.

However, there's something oh-so-valuable in the struggle for those of us who have to overcome complete poverty and work our way out of it. I was $110K in debt living in a construction site trading what labour I could for food/shelter and earning $zero, then about $150/month - and I invested 100% of that $150/month into food/medicine that would make me healthier.. rinse and repeat and the compound effect is that I've built myself up and month by month I was able to earn more and more money.. bit by bit, consistent persistent effort has paid off and now no matter what I'll be able to make it on my own if I have to.

Which is why I wouldn't want to live in Ancient Sparta. Like I said, Sparta was a horrible society. One thing I will say about Sparta is that it accepted certain realities even though the response was horrible and immoral.