Describe what a meltdown is like for you.

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My meltdowns as a child used to involve having full on grand-mall (large scale) seizures, when everything went all white and geometrically colourful for me ~ which although was alluringly and captivatingly beautiful, serene and all that ~ the hangovers were seven shades of absolutely brutal.

Now when things go sparkly specks, orbs and geometries etcetera ~ I have normally planned for them happening, in terms of managing my stress levels and daily activities according to a fixed schedule, and do the vast majority of my seizures at home now in the petite-mall (small-scale) sense ~ internally.

The hangovers normally just leave me physiologically throbbing from the feet up gently, in rhythmic waves, with major confusion or intense bafflement psychologically for up to about a few hours, or days at worst, now.

This is exactly what happens to me, more of a “shut down” than a melt down. Usually at the end of the day after work I will go lay down in a room that is completely dark and sort of meditate. Sometimes at a loud or crowded party I will go outside for fresh air, retreat to a quiet room or take extended bathroom breaks. Usually though I make sure to be back before people know i’m gone.....

This is pretty similar to my experience Ezra. I start to feel frantic and overwhelmed, like my whole body is electrified and I can't stand still or catch my breath. I start banging my head on the walls, and reality sort of disappears. I don't notice the people around me unless they encroach on my space, and then I try to escape, like a wounded animal. I tend to run off, and have stepped into busy traffic in an effort to get away from someone who was following me in an effort to keep me safe.

I frequently get restrained using CPI methods too. My friend that I used to work with was certified in CPI, and would hold my arms so that I couldn't keep hurting myself or run away. She'd have to be careful because in that state, I'm not rational and can think only of fleeing to safety, so I've been known to bite people when they tried to restrain me. My friend then got me to the floor and would hold me tightly against her chest until I wore myself out.

These episodes occur about once or twice a month and typically last between 10 and 15 minutes, but the aftereffects can last for hours. I can't speak at all, and have to rely on my iPad. It's also really hard for me to return to full cognitive capacity afterwards, so I will hide under my desk wrapped in my weighted blanket (my job coach got it for me as one of my work accommodations) and just sit in silence until I feel okay enough to come out.

I took it briefly (a month or so) and didn't experience anything extreme, but I did get this intermittent "losing consciousness" feeling for 1/2 second bursts every so often. I've gotten this same feeling when sick before too though.
That along with no observed positive effects made me give up on it. It seems to work well for most people.

It's ugly. I completely lose control. I scream and cry. I can't communicate effectively, if at all. I repeat words and phrases over and over. I feel like I'm exploding. I'm sensitive to every little sensory and emotional thing, things I wouldn't be sensitive to even outside of my meltdown state. I remember once I had a meltdown and I was doing a little better so I went downstairs and I was hit by a balloon, and then I started having a meltdown all over again because the sensation of the balloon was too much.

I kick and I scream. Like I did today.

Meltdowns for me are pretty sparse and not too bad; I often just start crying even though I am not sad, per say, and sometimes I get angry and start hitting things (sometimes myself).

Everything goes all white too like Deepthought mentioned. All signals that let me know I'm about to get sucked into the meltdown or shutdown rabbit hole. Fortunately they have gotten fewer and and less extensive as I've gotten older.