My story is very similar to the first two posts.
Job performance reviews. Resurfacing issues. Each item to work on this past review - it's like a laundry list of autism. It was so frustrating to ask the supervisor for specific examples and what they'd like me to do differently since there hadn't been feedback during the year (that would have been helpful - duh). I knew enough to ask for examples...and it's the professional way to give feedback. She just looked at me like I was an alien. Later at home, I wracked my brain trying to solve the problem of why I couldn't understand her better and even said out loud in fear and frustration that I felt like I had a mental disability. I couldn't find a better explanation.
I know that I'm very intelligent. And, I've studied the exact topics my supervisor listed for me to "take additional training in" which added insult to injury, and confusion. Finally, I came across a newspaper article/blogs online about how autism is different in women and how adult women learn to compensate and remain undetected. How "passing" is exhausting, takes extra energy to process social interactions, and requires recouping time.
I thought, "oh f*ck, that's me". It's is the only thing that explains nearly everything. And I cried. And I still do. It really is a paradigm shift. (checked with my p-doc, but not sure what testing i might pursue and for what purpose)
Why didn't anyone tell me or help me sooner? Life could have been so different. I'd always struggled and blamed myself, my uber religious upbringing, and asocial parents for my many "deficiencies". The reality...no one knew about autism for girls in my day and locale. My parent's world view probably wouldn't have allowed for a diagnosis anyway unless I was non-verbal and it was undeniable.